Mom politely declines to answer my DC Q's

by chrissy 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  chrissy

  My mother, a witness, is at her DC in Cleveland this very moment as I type. I spoke with her on the phone a few days ago as she was preparing to travel and so by coincidence the topic came up in conversation. Now, she doesn’t know exactly why I stopped serving the tower, as we live along a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy, and other than the fact that each and every time we talk there is a gigantic elephant on party-line with us, that otherwise works just swell. I figure she probably blames all of the corruption on my texas-bred husband, influencing me with his conservative-Christian, extreme right-wing take on life, and since politics seldom just 'come up' between the jw parent and child, there is never any clarifying going on to disclaim her theories in suspect.

  So anyway, seeing as how I never ask about the goings-on of the org, (other than, of course, to get the occasional dish on the latest crazy-dubs-I-grew-up-with gossip) you can imagine her surprise when I started asking questions regarding the 05 program. I mean, I just wanted to compare it to reports from here, you know? Only, I am the surprised one when she, gasp, refuses to answer!! It’s as if she were pulling that old trick, what was it they use to say, don’t talk spiritual stuff to those no long interested? Is that how it goes? Who knows…something like that. Her very direct words were, “Listen honey, I’m not going to talk about the Convention with you.” huh? I was so shocked I couldnt think straight, so I quickly changed the subject. I’m thinking she’s onto it at this point and I just sit here and wonder if A) it is possible for one to go through life without ever telling ones mother yes, you’ve turned apostate, and if B) there really is any point as she lives three thousand miles away. Perhaps I should just stop asking jwd fueled questions and go back to the old standard don’t ask, don’t tell, if not only for the sake of keeping her as one of about three people I knew before the millennium who will still talk to me?

  I don’t know why I am up losing sleep over this but I have to say, I truly am. Does it sound like there may be nowhere to go from here but to be open and honest with her? Or carry on as it were, keeping things relatively superficial. Any thoughts? Thanks.

  Chrissy
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  vitty

  
  

  Personally, if you want to keep a relationship with her, I wouldnt talk about the WT

  Sounds like she does want to keep in contact with you, so dont rock the boat.

  Im fading (although my family dont know) have tell them sooner or later LOL Anyway its me who stopped talking religion.
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  greendawn

  I think you should just keep a low profile as regards questions about the WTS what's the point of knowing what they are up to with their doctrines. The dubs are instructed not to discuss spiritual issues with disass/ed persons, as part of the info control imposed by the FDS to prevent the dubs from realising the truth about the truth to nip in the bud the problem of membership decline. The R & F are after all the slave workers that bring financial prosperity to the FDS.
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  tijkmo

  i have this fragile relationship with my folks..we never really had that much in commen ever..they dont like sport or music or tv or movies or travel..which i do..so really we only had the 'truth' as a subject of conversation which was fine when we all on the same page

  now we are not...when we do see each other we spend most of the time biting our tongues so as not to say anything that would upset either of us..just being polite and discussing mundane things

  tis not pleasant and to be honest i dont see it lasting
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  rebel8

  Depends on the relationship you have with your mom.......mine gets immediately suspicious if I bring it up....she knows I'm doing it only to mock.
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  anewme

  Enjoy conversing with your mom while you can.
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  Wasanelder Once

  I agree, drop the "spiritual" conversation. As your Mom gets older, your family for that matter, you will see how much you mean to each other. Unless there has been some other major breech between you I'd leave well enough alone. Get a comic book and you'll raise your spirituality about as much as if you heard about the DC anyway. The short version, at this DC the talk is about mindless obedience. Enough said.

  W.Once
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  Bryan

  Sounds like to me she is trying to protect the delicate relationship she has with you. 'Not knowing' helps keep her conscience- in her own mind- clean.

  To look at this from another angle:

  She knows you no longer believe or she would not refuse to speak to you about it. If she truly believed Jehovah expected her to dissown you, and she's a good Witness, she would not speak to you at all. God sees even the heart!

  But it seems she is worried what the Tower would think or DO if they knew she was speaking to her Apostate daughter.

  Fear of the Mighty Tower, rather than God, drives the simulated ones.

  Just my take.

  I agree... don't rock the boat and enjoy your mother's love before she's forced to turn her back on you.

  Bryan

  Have You Seen My Mother
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  jwfacts

  You are lucky she speaks with you. It would be nice for you if she wanted to know why you do not believe any longer, but of little benefit. If you can keep a relationship with JW things being no part of it that will make your relationship far less volatile.
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  luna2

  We all have to make choices in how we communicate with our parents, dub or not. My folks are not witnesses, but I too have found that I have to avoid certain topics when talking to them if I want things to stay on an even keel. Some things I purposely don't want to get into because I feel that I can't trust them with the information...in the past my mother has indescriminately discussed my personal business with practically everybody she knows or has made unwelcome and inaccurate judgments about my life and my kids. She also tends to get things wrong or make things up.

  Still, even though I don't feel I can ever be completely open with my parents, especially my mom, I do want some sort of a relationship, so I choose to edit my conversation rather than avoid talking to them at all.