| Hi WLG, I absolutely believe that one can be afraid to be free. When you are in a mind-controlling cult, your mind eventually turns itself off. You swollow what you are fed, end of story. When someone is aware enough to wake up and realize the imbicility of it all and actually leave, you leave with very poorly developed decision-making skills. Trying to decide what is right, is scary. Taking responsibility for your actions, and the outcome of your actions or lack thereof, is scary. You have no one to validate you when you do what you think is right. You have no one to stop you when you do something you think is wrong. The rules are taken away, and what you are left with is your conscience. From what I've seen over the years, most JWs don't have much of a conscience. Their conscience is trained to warn them when they disobey a WT rule. No more WT rules = I have no idea what to do anymore..... I have seen this all the time with JW kids who grow up and decide that they don't want to be JWs. How many of them end up being upstanding citizens???? Not many, in my experience. They get pregnant, into drinking or drugs and wreck their cars and their lives. I have been a JW for 34 years, and can honestly count on one hand the JW kids who didn't want to be JWs, and transitioned immediately into 'normal' worldly adults. I am leaving the JWs, and my kids will not be JWs if I can help it, and I am trying to teach them some moral responsibility. We don't cheat and lie because it's WRONG, not because we'll get caught. We treat others with the respect due all of God's creatures because it's RIGHT, not because we're at the meeting and someone is watching. It's unbelievable to me that this is a new concept for many adults that I know. JW adults, that is. My advice to you (if you want to hear it) is to find out what you LIKE to do... what you enjoy... what brings you peace, happiness deep within yourself. Then DO it.. Before you know it, you'll love yourself and the girls will be banging down your door.... I love this quote from St. Iraneous: " The glory of God is the human person fully alive; the life of human beings is the vision of God." Isn't that beautiful??!! GGG |
Too afraid to be free?
by wanderlustguy 12 Replies latest jw friends
-
GoingGoingGone
-
HadEnuf
Ahhhhhhhhhh wander...have you ever seen the movie "The Shawshank Redemption" (spelling?)? There is an old guy in it that gets let out of prison; he's been there pretty much all his life...and he can't adjust to being out because that was the only life he knew. He eventually hung himself. Now I am sure you are NOT suicidal and I certainly hope you are not feeling "loneliness" to that degree...but I'm just saying that when we've been raised as JW's all our lives, or even shorter portions of our lives, and we leave...it's like being let out of "prison". It was for me and still is. I have had trouble adjusting to the freedom and the life of a "worldling" because the JW way was the only way I ever knew. Sometimes I think you can take the JW out of the org...but you can't always take the org. out of the JW. Fortunately, I have had the luxury of a husband who is on my same wavelength...and someday you will find that person too wander.
But I think you're in need of the true freedom right now that comes from "no strings attached" with anyone. Do the stuff you can do while single and unburdened of the responsibilities of a relationship. You're young, terribly handsome and funnier than heck. When you've "seen the world" some more...that girl will be waiting for you.
Sometimes I hate this forum because I see the pain that the experience of being a JW has done to people like you and me and others. But mostly I love this forum because of the bonds it gives me with those who have "been there, done that". Feel free to e-mail Gary and I at [email protected] . It's always good to have someone you can dump your problems on!
Big hug...cathy l.
-
wanderlustguy
Now I am sure you are NOT suicidal and I certainly hope you are not feeling "loneliness" to that degree
Nothing could be further from the truth...I'm not lonely at all actually, but there's that feeling that I should be doing something. My Mom just sent me an e-mail that basically said the hardest thing to do when you aren't sure what to do...is nothing.
And that's what I'm trying to get comfortable with, I mean look, society puts all this pressure on you to "have someone", look at the movies out now, almost everything has something to do with that in it.
This was pretty much me looking back, trying to figure out why I do the things I do, and why I can't just be comfortable with no restrictions...which in my mind is what I really want. I'm getting better every day since I resolved to just make a plan of what I want to accomplish and then do it...but I still like to analyze my behavior, if we don't learn from the past, we are doomed to repeat it.
WLG