What would you do? (page 2)

wanderlustguy

I guess I'm just having a hard time "letting go" of my past and not be concerned with those old "friends". I've been taught to forgive and forget when people have wronged me and I think it's still sticking with me regarding the Jw's. When, as Blondie brought up, it's just conditional friendship. It helps to hear your in put and reiterate I don't need any of them in my life anymore.

Decisions like this are tough. You are probably right about how your response would be percieved, will be used as justification and an example of how people are once Satan gets a hold of them.

If it would make you feel better, you could simply write back and say that you appreciate her concern, and value her friendship. Then you could assure her you are doing well and happy, just like there is no big issue, because for you there isn't. I would imagine you would get a response back somehow questioning further, because in the town you are in, especially having carted around a scary looking guy in a goatee in your car, in front of all the field service groups a couple of weekends ago, people will talk.

Wish there were easier answers. Fading is really hard to do in a town like yours...I'm afraid you're probably going to have to leave to get the kind of peace you guys want.

WLG

freedom96

It is very difficult, for each circumstance is diffferent, and each friendship we may have had as witnesses are different as well.

If your friend is sincere, then perhaps she is doing what she feels is right.

If you are going to just fade, then I would be very vague in anything I would say. If you are going to DA yourself, then absolutely a letter stating exactly why would be the right thing to do. Who knows, perhaps you will reach her heart, if not now, later.

ButtLight

Ha Ha Wander! The only thing scary about you was the sandles you were wearing friday night! JK

mustang

AS soon as they start the guilt trip business, reverse it and HIT THEM UP FOR A LOAN. Do it like they do, don't let up and DEMAND assistance. Drown out all their "we miss you" and "J-this/J-that" and they will wither

You could do that; I've often felt that crass materialism wasn't used as effectivley as it could be.

I have had mail from those that I went out in service with and even someone that I studied with. I just ignored it. Living on the other side of the country helps a lot on that, but it can still be done locally.

In general, your husband is right on cutting the ties. Best wishes on whatever path you select.

Mustang

Emma

I guess I'm just having a hard time "letting go" of my past and not be concerned with those old "friends".

Yes, it is hard letting go when you've loved someone. I'd suggest you sit back and wait a few days to decide. You'll encourage her if you write back, or if you tell her you're finished with the org, give them reason to take action against you.

Telling you your parents aren't the same is emotional blackmail! I got that, too, that my mom was sick because of me. It's simply not true. If their "faith in Jehovah" was strong, that would carry them through the difficulty of you leaving.

Remember, everyone is likely "counting their time" with these letters.

Emma

Dustin

That's a tough decision to make. It was very hard for me when I left. When you've been a part of something for your whole life it's hard to just walk away. The thing you will come to realize is even though she might be a nice person, she will be reporting her progress back to the elders. Is that a real friend?

If you guys continue to simply walk away they will eventually DF you. That's how they are working thing in our circut now (listen to me talk JW lingo). You will lose your old friends. It happened to me also. Sometimes I miss going and playing ball with the guys, or watching football with them. But now I'm making new friends, people who don't care what my beliefs are. They just want to be friends because they like the kind of person I am without having to judge me. You guys will make new friends too. Danielle and I would love to hang out with you guys. It really does take courage to walk away from it all. But, for me the rewards have been much greater than the losses. Don't worry too much, life goes on and things always turn out in the end.

GetBusyLiving

It was tough for me to let go of my "friends" too. But they arent real friends as has been pointed out. Their idea of being a good friend is making you *like* them. I would write back with some real info on the WTBTS but that's just me.

GBL

schne_belly

it is likely you once cared deeply for her. It may have been a long time since you felt anything like that, but female bonds created in childhood are so strong that women often spend their entire lives unknowingly trying to recreate similar connections...though unsuccessfully, as even under normal circumstances, the matured ego will not allow the same dynamic (and for good reason). So on some level it is just natural for some feeling to remain.

Chrissy: You hit the nail right on the head. Thank you for putting my feelings into words. I apprecaite your kind words.

Wanderlustguy....you are not scary Far from it. HA! Those in our hall ARE ones to use anything to gossip about (wait, that is ANY HALL right?). Surprisingly, we haven't heard anything yet about that Saturday. We'll just tell them you are our psychologist, who is helping us with our nervous breakdown! Or wait, our leader for devil worship...that's even better.

Dustin: You are right, since we have no intention to go back, we will eventually lose all of our friends for the most part . I guess it's no use responding. Thanks for the encouragment and offering to hang out with us. That would be wonderful. We WILL make new friends--already have thanks to all you wonderful posters--- I'm certian they will be more genuine than the old ones we used to have. It's true, friendship shouldn't be based on whether or not you sit in some building 3 times a week.

It may be wishful thinking but I hope that my family will eventually be left alone and not be DF'd or DA'd. Others in this same hall have done it for years... unknown reasons to me, but regardless, they have stopped coming and seem to be left alone. Have any of you experienced a sucessful fade without having to pick up and move away? What are you secrets?

Thanks to all of you for your help with me making my mind up what to do. I already feel better about just ignoring it ,and that by doing so I'm not being a coward.

out of the box

schne_belly,

Even if you DID go back for a while, they would have a feather in their cap and that is all. The fact that you even thought of leaving and stayed away means that you are less spiritual then they are. So, you would not be in their click of strength of JWdom. You will eventually be shunned by some and 'assigned' by the elders to some for encouragement. Do you want to be a project for some to earn their hours or do you want a LIFE? You are already dangerous, you have thought for yourself! You have a mind and are 'waking up'. Do you think that all in the cong. will be able to associate with you freely? I think not. Cancer spreads and that is how you will become to them.

out of the box

FreeWilly

Schne,

First remember that your written response will be used to evaluate your "spiritual condition" - i.e. the basis of further actions taken against you. Does that bother you?

If you are not concerned by that, then by all means respond. After all, your "friend" is the real victim. Why not ask a few questions that will cause them to think? Besides, it will dispell the assumtion that you left because you desired worldly pleasures. JW's cannot even conceive the idea that there may be legitimate reasons to question their faith. What should you say? That's up to you, but I like to question the concept of a God that needs to exterminate 99.9% of his human creation because of an "issue of universal sovereignty" that is never even explained by anyone in the Bible! Surely God can't blame people for concluding a religion that falsely predicted doomsday numerous times is unreliable - can he?

What would you do?

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