by Check_Your_Premises 71 Replies latest jw friends
CYP
With me, its 'just' my best friend, not my wife, but what you describe is so familiar. I can't understand why it has to be me, and not my JW friend, who wants initiate any discussion, especially about 'the truth'. I'm shocked that he will not 'waste' 5 minutes talking to me about the Bible, but spends hours knocking on strangers doors.
I think your letter's great, but listen to the women's feedback.
Every spouse of a member of a high control group like the Jehovah’s Witnesses . . . has a spouse who is involved in an extramarital relationship. Try to explain it away, try to rationalize it, try to justify it, try to change them, the facts remain the same. When one partner turns away from the other to a person, to a thing, or to an activity, we have a fractured relationship, disloyalty, betrayal, and an injured party. Emotional desertion of a mate is infidelity. The spouse is having an emotional relationship with an institution.
You can’t be loyal to me and be a Witness. Ask: If s/he loved me would s/he put me in the position s/he has put me in? To love means I put your interests ahead of my own. Is that being done?
I think the only things that keep these abusive Witness marriages going is denial. I been there and done it. I’d never do one more day with a Witness spouse.
Or tell her that she shouldn't let the fact that I am not a witness cause her to assume I am a bad person.
She shouldn't feel that way, I agree. But there is a constant emotional conflict that goes on when they push at meetings how bad it is to be wordly and forcefeed us into believing your mate shouldn't be worldly either. So even though you try to keep a happy medium, the wts is doing just the opposite.
I'm skeptical as to whether your letter will cause any changes. A jw wife will not acknowledge that her religion can have any negative effects on the marriage relationship. She is taught that by being a good jw, she will become a model spouse that any man would appreciate. I'm going through divorce with my jw wife right now. If I ever remarry, the first criteria of my future wife is that she be non-jw.
As defd said:
As a matter of fact she is under obligation to consider your feelings," Rules of marraige according to the bible."You may get some obligatory consideration of your feelings, but she will have to check with her elders first. And the concerns of the organization and her concern for her own salvation will always come before your feelings.
[1] a person who should be converted to an active JW; or [2] a person who is evil and should be accorded minimal tolerance; or [3] a person who should be discarded by your wife. That's what the Watchtower will be burning into your wife's brain.
144001, said it just like it is . I was told when i wrote a simular letter how satan was working on me to make him fall away from everlasting life.
He went on to tell me ,and this he said many times , how i can't save his life only Jehovah can and the jws know the truth to get him to paradise.
CYP, your letter is very heartfelt and i say give it to her and see if any reaction comes from it but it is hard to tell, all people are different and maybe it will have a inmact on her .
Like i tell others in our situation ,just be ready for whatever comes .
If we live together, here’s my living plan.
Sunday, fun day with or without you.
Monday, fun day with or without you.
Tuesday, fun day with or without you.
Wednesday, fun day with or without you.
Thursday, fun day with or without you.
Friday, fun day with or without you.
Saturday, fun day with or without you.
Sadly, I've been able to make due doing just that with my JW spouse. I plan things to do, vacations, activities, with no thought as to if they'll interfere with her meetings, conventions, and study.
When we chose to get married, all those things were'nt a consideration then,....they're not a consideration, at least to me, now. I married her, not the WT soceity and definetely, not the congregation. I've only had to remind her of this once on a trip I'd planned to the west coast. She knew, in no uncertain terms, that I was prepared to go and have a great time without her.
The majority of the time now she acquiests (sp), and go with me.
I think the only things that keep these abusive Witness marriages going is denial. I been there and done it. I’d never do one more day with a Witness spouse.
Oh I hear you Gary. I have an extremely low tolerance for b.s. and I absolutely refuse in almost every instance to encourage or subsidize irrational behavior.
So why do I do it? Why am I here trying to figure all this stupid, delusional b.s.?
Well I have kids. If I don't try to help her leave, and I leave her, what good will that do them?
And I did make a vow to this woman. I guess I learned not to take it personal. It is like alcoholism or something. She needs my help. What kind of friend would I be if I just let these jack-asses have her without a fight. How could I look myself in the mirror.
I know at some point you have to live for yourself. It isn't that day yet.
CYP
The majority of the time now she acquiests (sp), and go with me.
That is a great idea. What wife is going to let her husband go on vacation by himself!
"Honey, I am going to Vegas"
144001, said it just like it is . I was told when i wrote a simular letter how satan was working on me to make him fall away from everlasting life.
I hear you K. I am not asking her to leave. She will have to decide that on her own, with a shove and a nudge here and there .
All I am doing is asking her to talk to me and act like she gives a damn about how I feel about this. It is an appeal to decency.
CYP
All I am doing is asking her to talk to me and act like she gives a damn about how I feel about this. It is an appeal to decency.
CYP, remember what you keep telling me ,,,Keep the hope and i haven't forgotten, nor should you.
