Did you really believe? (page 2)

confusedjw

Right - people are different. Service was easy for me, but other things in the cong were not at all.

prophecor

I believed, I just ultimlately thought I might die at the Big A since I felt like I failed as a christian.. but I did keep trying.
Have any of you felt that way?

I believed, Sassy. To a large degree I still do, though not all the things we were taught on the inside.

Though I didn't expect baptism to change me, from the inside out, I thought I would be able to experience some sort of growth from within me. Maybe I never gave it half a chance, maybe I was trying too hard to prove to myself that I was in, for real. It never manifested itself, however.

It was a religion that wasn't for everyone. My mother, who knew very little about the truth, could tell that I didn't have the right stuff. She told me, in no uncertain terms, " This religion isn't for you, you don't have what it takes! " Though I tried to give it my all in all, I still couldn't cut the mustard. As hard as I tried after spending so many years of being on the outside, I never once felt like a true Jehovah's Witness, even after baptism. I always believed, but it was just not me, I couldn't fool God, I could fool the friends to an extent, but God knew the difference. I wasn't dishonest, but I'm glad I was led away from the faith. I would've never come to know the truth about the troof. A feat that I feel is to be attributed only to God. Jehovah or no

caligirl

Like GBL, my instincts were telling me from a pretty young age that something was not right. But I walked the walk anyways for a while, thinking that it would get better. Eventually, the panic/anxiety attacks got the better of me and I stopped going. Amazingly, the panic attacks became less and less.

I think that the anxiety attacks were a physical manifestation of what your subconsious telling you. Yours was telling you that you didn't feel right going in service, so your mind had to get your body to pass on the message. Well, that's my theory on that anyways!

My mother (still a pioneer) tried to tell me the same thing - If I had studied more, I would have understood and never left. Not true. By the way, my mother HATES the service, and I watched her get sick every morning most of my life as she forced herself to go because she thinks that this is what God wants/requires of her, and she is a complete believer, so no, I don't think your friend was correct in her assessment.

Frannie Banannie

I can empathize, Sass. I believed in that hard sell for most of my life. It caused a lot of pain to have the borg destroy my faith and then to say I'm the one who's apostate.

Noel

Satanus

I really believed, i think. Funny, it's hard to tell. I know that i was 100% into it. But, buried way down somewhere, there were some reservations. I never allowed myself to see them. It was a forced system for me, i forced myself.

S

SixofNine

:unfortunately I saw it as a weakness in me.

Hey, we all did. "If I would just get busy and study this really thoroughly...". But lets face it, all the study in the world doesn't make most of the doctrines (especially 1914) make sense. Maybe somewhere in the back of our minds, we sensed that if we studied too hard, we'd study ourselves right out of "the truth".

EscapedLifer1

we sensed that if we studied too hard, we'd study ourselves right out of "the truth".

Which, interestingly enough, is exactly what I did.

But on the question of whether we "actually" believed it or not, I'm just one more that really believed it, regardless of the occassional question in the back of my mind. Jehovah would answer that in time, of course. But I really bought into it for 30 years.

Brandon

Frannie Banannie

we sensed that if we studied too hard, we'd study ourselves right out of "the truth".

Which, interestingly enough, is exactly what I did.

EL1, actually they don't encourage too much studying of the bible. Those who did surely questioned their popish infallibility and were declared as insane because of too much Bible study and, of course, therefore apostate, so no one else would listen to them. Yes, I actually heard this from a podium one night. That wasn't enough CYA in my book. I studied and found them lacking, too.

Noel

fahrvegnugen

I absolutely, completely and thoroughly believed. Is that emphatic enough?

Pole

I had a very personal relationship with Jehoovar! At some point I even thought he answered my sincere prayers and blessed my efforts.
Now I'm a bloody apostate and a non-believer.
LOL
Pole

Did you really believe?

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