Did you really believe? (page 3)

Jeffro

I always had doubts. I can remember even back in my early school years where we had a relgious instruction class each week (taken by sisters from the congregation). I remember once they asked what wild animal we would most like to have as a pet in the new system; it all just seemed silly. I said a panther because they wanted to hear something like that, but I didn't really believe it even at a very young age. As I got a bit older, I had questions like Why would a perfect god that has even the *ability* to see the future allow for Satan to exist? Why would he make creatures that had a capacity for failure? and so on
Because I didn't have a lot of friends outside of the 'truth' it made it very difficult to leave; so I didn't make the move until I was absolutely sure that it wasn't true. But an in-depth study of 607 quickly clinched that.
Because there was never any solid evidence for the existence of Jehovah specifically (as opposed to the possible existence of some kind of power in the universe that may or may not still exist, may or may not be aware or concerned of our existence, and may or may not be sentient in a way similar to us), I never really felt a close relationship with god.

luna2

My experience was very like your's, Sassy. I believed totally and completely. Things I didn't completely understand or the people who's behavior was questionable I figured would be taken care of in time.

Like prophecor, I thought that eventually, if I stuck with it, Jehovah would help me grow and I'd learn to appreciate service and all of those damned meetings (I am not a meeting person), but it never happened.

I, too, am not a sales person. If I had to make a living in sales, I'd be starving and homeless. I don't like trying to push anything on anybody...even if I personally think it's the best thing since sliced bread. I can remember being told not to worry so much about it...we weren't doing anything so crass as selling anything. I had the wrong attitude. We were just bearers of Jehovah's awesome message, working with the angels, who were following us about determining who was naughty and who was nice. Blech, still didn't help me get all fired up to knock on people's doors on Saturday mornings (or Wednesday evenings). It also kind of creeped me out that angels were supposedly hovering over my shoulder observing all my fumbling around.

After the generation change and all the new light about blood fractions (neither of which I understood at all...and felt I could hardly explain at the doors), I began going out less and less. There were things that disappointed me about the organization, but I still thought it was the best I could possibly do in the religion department. When I faded, what I hoped would happen was that I'd get myself together and come back all strong and renewed.

I also hoped Armegeddon wouldn't come while I was taking my vacation cuz I knew I'd probably be marked for destruction. Boy, what a cheery prospect! Limp along, desperately depressed, trying to force myself to go through the motions, spiritually weak and not even sure I'd be deemed worthy enough to be protected through The Great Trib and then Armegeddon...or take my mental health break and for sure be destroyed if the big A arrived before I got my butt back to the KH.

Ellie

As a kid I used to on occasion say two prayers before bed, one to Jehovah and one to another god incase Jehovah wasn't the real god, so I guess I always had doubts.

Can I just offer you some advice Sassy, I don't want to offend you as you say this woman is a friend, but please don't let any JW mess your head up anymore.

PaulJ

I did, I would have believed anything they told me!!!

korina

Don't sweat it Sass, I was the same way. I would feel guilty about not being more outspoken about my beliefs, not being the first one to hop out of the car to knock on the next door. It's easier for some people. It's like sales, some people are born with it, some aren't. Even now, as a Christian, I'll defend my beliefs, but it's hard for me to initiate a conversation, I get dead nervous. It's stage fright- just because you get it doesn't mean that you don't believe the play is a work of art- that's ridiculous!

dedpoet

I believed everything, just accepted it all without question and couldn't understand why anyone could have doubts - just shows how gullible I was i guess

Carmel

I certainly was a "believer" until about age 11 when I began to see some hypocracy in the world around me. When I was baptized at 12 I seriously doubted it was the "truth" and set our to get out. I wanted to examine religion from outside the confines of a particular mind set that dissallowed objectivity. Couldn't do that as a JW and it lead be to a decade search after which I gave up looking.

carmel

LyinEyes

Sassy, I beleived with all of my heart, but I HATED field service. I just didn't like talking to strangers and didn't feel as confidant as the pioneers who could argue the Bible with any Preacher. I was terrified to talk in front of whoever was my service partner, more than the householder. If I could have gone alone, which I tried to do as much as possible, it would not have been so bad. The reason is because I did want to share with people the " good news" ( I know , barf, barf hehe) .

I bet Sassy while you were at home and they were in service, you felt like crap, you probably were filled with guilt for letting Jehovah down. I know that is how I felt . And to be honest sometimes some of the pioneers could be a little self righteous with their attitudes because of all they were giving for Jehovah. Not all pioneers were this way but in a congregation of only a 50 and 12 of those were pioneers it was hard to measure up when ya had three little kids in tow.

Gesssssssh, just so glad those days are over with.

Frannie Banannie

OMG, LE!! Talkin about field service reminds me. There were SO MANY hotties out there that I'd run into when I'd go to the doors alone! There'd be my favorite elder in the car with us and several pioneers and we'd all split up and work both sides of a long street. Geez! There'd be firemen home from the station and all sorts of hotties and we'd stand there makin' eyes and pantin' over one another and naturally they'd want me to come back. I'd go back to the car and tell the elder "I really don't feel comfortable making a return visit on that person. I think I'll give this to so-and-so!" The elder would smirk knowingly at me and tell me, "you use whatever tools work to interest them." WTF? What kind of way is that to conduct what was supposed to be a sacred duty? I HATED going in field service!

Frannie

Did you really believe?

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