It is tough. I do like them young but age is but a number, kind of like weight. Emotional maturity is a must. I don't want a little girl, a daughter, I want a friend, wife, etc. I've dated young. There are pros and cons to it and I'm in my 30's. I do identify more with those in their 20's as far as tastes, music, interest goes. I don't think that when I'm 60 or 70 I'd seek out a mail order bride.
I do, with my little wisdom and experience feel that marrying in your late 20's or 30's is best, however, nothing is certain these days.
Older men dating teenagers/Lolitas
by wanderlustguy 63 Replies latest social relationships
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G Money
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thom
I'm dating someone younger than me (16 years) but she's been married and has two kids. I couldn't really imagine dating someone just out of high school (or younger).
My interests match up alot better with someone her age than someone my age. Maybe I'm immature (I am) but we do well together.
But I couldn't imagine getting involved with someone just out of high school or even younger. I don't think it would be fair to someone that age to expect her to get involved with someone so much older. -
Cygnus
The book "Lolita" is on my reading list. It sits no more than 2 feet from where I sit to read or talk on the phone.
If you consider (in particular, amateur) pornography, the "women" have gotten progressively younger and younger (Traci Lords not withstanding). Teenage girls these days look and behave far older than 20 years ago when I was teen-aged. I won't go into the many reasons for this but there are many. My girl is 32 and she always had older men, 20 years her superior, check her out since she was 15. Consistently, today 50+ men are interested in her. I suppose there exists an evolutionary biological reason (justification?) for this type of behavior. However, in my own mind, what in the world would I have in common with a girl 20 years my younger? I simply don't understand relationships built entirely on physical attraction. I made that mistake as a 19 year old JW who got married to a gorgeous 20 year old JW, and would never repeat it with a younger woman/girl.
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shera
Oh my...sick!
Nothing wrong dating someone who is younger as long as they are an ADULT and mature enough to handle adult situations. BUT my daughter is 17 and if any man who was older then 22 that was interested in her.I would question this person and I would be like NO! Even if 18 is considered an adult,they are still children,they are not even legal to drink....I don't feel with anyone,things don't really click until you start hitting 24/25.
Age in my eyes doesn't really mean anything,until both adults are past 25 or so.Hey I'm 35 and if I wanted to date,marry a man who was 50 I would.I'll be young enough to push him in his wheelchair in 20 yrs.... thing is tho.... I couldn't date someone 15/20 yrs younger..eva!
Well thats how I feel about things.
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Gill
I always considered the southern states of the USA and the states such as Utah very backwards in their thinking when it came to these important considerations such as the rights of young girls and young women. But why change a 'good thing' when it's suiting you personally, such as the men who are in power.
Thank God there are also men who think differently and realise that this kind of behaviour is wrong. Then, if such a man if able to get into a position where he can alter things, you bet he will.
In the UK, and we have our faults over here, but any relationship in which there is a very obvious age gap is immeadiately frowned upon. Any right thinking mum would be down the police station pretty sharpish and the police take an interest, at the very least, in a relationship so out of the norm, if the girl was under 16. I think they've learnt a lot over the last few years and there certainly is an common consensus, even though it's not so succesful in catching serial paedohiles, but there is a consensus that these relationships are WRONG!
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Golf
Some people 'can' live out their fantasies, I can assume your dad did this and he had the $$$$$ to back him up.
I have an older (married) brother that hits on young girls. Men of this sorts don't impress me. Their minds need overhauling. It's a case of satisfying a weakness.
Golf -
PaulJ
Turns out he also paid her parents about $200 every month or so for her
Eh?? Do you live in the USA or Nigeria??? Is this normal?
I know what you mean tho, and like another thread on this board at the mo, the ways of dub-dum can push older guys to look at younger girls. Ages of consent are set for more than just the physical reasons.
Musta been difficult for you to see all this.
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Abaddon
Western Society is a little hypocritical on this one.
Our standard of beauty is based on the physical characteristics of a too-skinny adolescent girl.
Girls of that age (say around 15 - 18) were functioning as adults in most cultures throughout history. Many would be working or already married by that age.
Now they are in the extended 'childhood' that has developed in the past 100 years or so. Ages of consent have risen from an average of 10-12 to an average of 14-16 (only the US has large areas where it is 17 or 18). The age of first marriage has also risen considerably, more than the age of consent.
Obviously biological clocks have not changed with the social trend; they may actually tick faster due to better nutrition.
Thus we have young women with a developing sexuality, idolised as the acme of feminine beauty, having to delay actually being legally sexually active longer than they would have historically. No wonder they get confused.
In terms of evolutionary and sexual biology there are little surprises as regards stereotypical male and female indicators of attractiveness. Knowledge. power, authority, possessions or physical prowess are all far more likely to appeal to a woman than a man as features in a partner; women who didn't select partners able to care for them whilst they were pregnant or raising children were likely to have less children survive.
For men a completely different set of factors are stereotypically attractive, and they are all to do with fertility and the start of fertility.
Genetically women are predeposed towards older partners, men towards younger partners. The ephebophilic (attraction to adolescents) cult of beauty in Western society only magnifies this.
Essentially in a perfect world there's nothing wrong with young women finding older guys attractive and older guys finding younger women attractive. It is natural.
I think guys who chose younger women 'cause they are 'easier' are a seperate catagory, perpetual children themselves, undesirous of putting the effort required to make a decent adult realtionship. Pedophilia is also a seperate perversion involving attraction to prepubescent children.
However, in modern society a young woman can lose out on opportunity by getting bogged down with an older guy; it will all be about him, not her, and as she matures, the cool clever guy he was when she was 15 and he was 27 will change into the loser she is with when she is 20 and he is 32. Some large age gap (10 years + with one partner beow 20 at onset) relationships beat this.
Many don't; although our pre-programed desires are the same, modern society isn't that of hunter-gatherers where our pre-programmed desires developed, and such pairings can come under a lot of pressure as the younger partner matures.
Young women look great... but as you get older it becomes more asthetic and less carnal. I mean seriously, what the heck interest is an 18 year-old as a partner to a 40 year old guy? Just cause they're sweet and sexy doesn't mean you want to take it beyond visual appreciation. Of course, most men will deny the teenagers being in any way attractive, but still the skin mags that have 18+ girls pretending to be naughty high-school girls form a large chunck of the market and must be bought by many men who would never admit to their attraction because they'd feel embaressed.
We have got to a point where some women feel confident enought to admit to having rape fantasies, because they know that a fantasy is a fantasy and doesn't mean they actually want to be so abused outside of an imagined or play-acted scenario. The justifiable concern about protecting young women from male sexual predators means it is impossible for a man to admit to fantasies of the 'school-girl' variety without people assuming they actually want to seduce teenage girls in real life.
Just as women who think rape fantasies are hot do not want to be raped, so do many men who find 'horny co-ed fantasies' hot not want to actually get involved with a sophomore.
And the age-play fetish works both ways - I know a woman in her 20's who spends her weekends dressed as a school-girl and has what she refers to as 'uncles' who she spends time with, and she has definately felt the attraction to older men another poster referred to her entire life (just being alone with a teacher made her sexually hot, not that anything ever happened, but that was her reaction to the thought they might do something). She now pursues it as a recreation sexual outlet through age-play. There are men and women (without a history of abuse) who get a sexual charge from that kind of scenario, but don't predate or fall victim but rather pursue their fetish in a non-harmful consensual manner with other adults. Sick? Who are they hurting?
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DannyBloem
Abaddon,
The first real wise words I hear in this thread.
thanks. -
Fe2O3Girl
Our standard of beauty is based on the physical characteristics of a too-skinny adolescent girl.
I'd say when all body hair, including pubic hair, is considered unattractive, we are probably moving beyond adolescent towards pre-pubescent. And yes, it is a little hypocritical.
Girls of that age (say around 15 - 18) were functioning as adults in most cultures throughout history. Many would be working or already married by that age.
Now they are in the extended 'childhood' that has developed in the past 100 years or so. Ages of consent have risen from an average of 10-12 to an average of 14-16 (only the US has large areas where it is 17 or 18). The age of first marriage has also risen considerably, more than the age of consent.
Obviously biological clocks have not changed with the social trend; they may actually tick faster due to better nutrition.
It is the nature of society that we are taking much longer to mature to functioning adults. What was the required literacy and numeracy level to earn survival wages 100 years ago? How many people on different strata of society did people interact with? What were people's, and specifically women's, expectiations of life and relationships? The extended childhood seems to be lengthening - at 21, my mother had been working full-time for 6 years, and was responsible for the welfare of a ward full of surgical or clinical patients. Many people haven't left school at 21 now.
But, as Abaddon rightly points out, our bodies are maturing faster now than they were then, so we have this awkward phase of "kidulthood".
Young women look great... but as you get older it becomes more asthetic and less carnal. I mean seriously, what the heck interest is an 18 year-old as a partner to a 40 year old guy?
I think, as previous posters have pointed out, that it amounts to a way for an insecure, emotionally immature person to have a sexual relationship they can cope with. The teenage partner is easily impressed and manipulated. This is not limited to the older man/younger woman scenario.
There are men and women (without a history of abuse) who get a sexual charge from that kind of scenario, but don't predate or fall victim but rather pursue their fetish in a non-harmful consensual manner with other adults. Sick? Who are they hurting?
They are hurting no-one. They understand the nature of their fantasies, they are emotionally and physically mature, and interact with consenting partners.