How Long Did the Transition Take?

by troubled 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • Rex B13
    Rex B13

    Hi Troubled,
    I knew right away it was the right thing to do. My only concern was for my family and friends because too many of them are still fogged in and won't leave.
    We faded over the course of a few months, went to a Free Bible Student conference then wiht research decided that the hated 'Babylon the Grape' (kudos to Farkel) was right all along!
    Born again and in salvation now.
    May God bless you,
    Rex

  • bboyneko
    bboyneko

    I trash JW literature on site, and when people leave little business cards titled: MAKE MORE MONEY..you can make an additional $5,000 a month! taped to ATM machines I throw those away too. I hate it when people try to scam other people.

    -Dan

    Hey, anyone wanna buy the eiffel tower from me?

  • tergiversator
    tergiversator

    Hi troubled,

    I'd divide my departure into 5 categories:

    ~1 year: The Uneasy Stage

    I was gradually growing uncomfortable with a few things, such as how I was told to treat my da'd dad and why organ transplants had been forbidden once. But those were my fault, and I was sure I would understand them, given time and research. I was also growing more and more distraught as I continued to be unable to make myself believe.

    ~1 year: The Disagreement Stage

    I acknowledged that I didn't agree with the society on a few things (eg, evolution, the role of women), was growing to hate meetings and service and the publications, and finally just wanted OUT. But, at the same time, I was terrified of the consequences of "reinventing myself from scratch", and even more terrified that I just wasn't clever enough to realize a way out of my quandaries.

    ~3 months: The Decision Agony Stage

    After moving out from home, I went all but inactive, showing up a few token times at my new hall but generally just working up the nerve to leave. Oh, the guilt at going to my friend's birthday party though... It was somewhere in here that I realized I was doublethinking myself into insanity and that, if God really did exist, he wouldn't want me to go mad trying to figure him out.

    ~9 months: The I'm Out - Now What? Stage

    On Nov 16, 1999 (see, I remember the date), I finally decided that I, in good conscience, could not continue pretending to be something I wasn't and believe something I didn't. The immediate precipitation of this was reading online about all the many ways strugglers and doubters had been hideously mistreated in the name of congregation "cleanliness" and "unity", and I realized I had had enough. That was the first time in a long, ling time that I *knew*, deep down, that I was making the right
    decision - even if I did couch it in terms of "well, given what I know now" or "barring future evidence to the contrary".

    It took a while, even so, to work through all the residual guilt and fears. ( I half expected my boyfriend to say something like "gosh, they sounded pretty reasonable" when I took him to a meeting just to show them what they're like; he didn't.) Reading a copy of Crisis of Conscience (borrowed, 'cause I was still a little scared to buy it myself) was what let me finally let go of that last .000001% chance that had been nagging me. I still continued to be emotionally and intellectually agitated at times, though not to the degree I had been earlier, worried over who I was, what I really did believe, what I should believe.

    ~1 year ago until now: The Free At Last, Yippee I'm Freeee Stage

    Somewhere in there (no precise moment I can think of), I realized that I just needed to take a break from all the ultimate questions of life, the universe, and everything (at least those for which 42 isn't a satisfying answer). I've got the rest of my life to figure it out, so why worry so much now? If I never do find all the answers... at least I'm finally able to ask all the questions.

    I can live with that.

    -T.

  • NameWithheld
    NameWithheld
    (at least those for which 42 isn't a satisfying answer)

    Ha ha! Make sure you don't forget your towel ...

    RIP Douglas Adams.

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    troubled,

    Along with the others, I agree that healing is a personal thing. I was DFed when I was 19. It took me years to pray, let along walk into a church. I was 25 when I started going to church again. It is there that I started my search. It's just recently (the last year or so) that I've realized that my relationship with God is not dependant upon what church I go to. Unlike others, I HAVE been very blessed with finding a church that encourages personal spiritual growth and treats me with respect. They have an attitude of "you can only help others if you are strong yourself. So first things first - you and God!"

    But my growth works in phases. The first 6 years was absolutely agonizing. I guess I could describe myself as an agnostic. I didn't do anything, but everything JWs aren't allowed to do. But when I was 25 I finally settled down. I think if I'd gotten to that stage earlier, I would be where I am now earlier. Did that make sense???

    But this last year has been a HUGE growth spurt for me. Spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I am so thankful for those dark times because it really DOES make me appreciate the good times like now.

    You can do it troubled. You will have a lot of support here. More than you realize. You'll find support from new friends you make at work and other community or social events. Be honest with them about where you're at. You'll be amazed at the compassion you find from "worldly" people. Many of us want to help and will do whatever we can to do so. You're in my prayers!

    Love,
    Billygoat

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