thanks paulj, i know what you mean about the matrix i sat at the hall last night listening to things like 'even tho jehs day is later than we may have thought it should not deter us from preaching and staying completely loyal to the organization' and i couldnt stand being there!
so i know i just cant go back i will keep on reading cofc (im about a quarter of way thru) and ill try and get that other book, it prob seems wierd that i am trying to find out things that will ultimately hurt my family even more (which im not quite sure i can do) sometimes i wonder should i not just go back and live my life for them, but i just dont think i can stomach going back! tho i was alittle scared last week in that storm!
mental isnt it, but im so glad ive met people like you who have been thru it and are happy now, well done