Do conflicts/arguments strengthen friendships/relationships ? (page 2)

talesin

just 2 cents, random thoughts ..

I think that if one maintains their individuality in a relationship, there will always be conflicts of interest . Proplog 2 said,

Communication is a SKILL. I've never met anyone who was good at communications without working at it.

Ideally, communication is one of the skills that we use to resolve conflict. Empathy is another key element. Etc. Another poster said they felt it was important to separate conflict and argument. I heartily agree. Conflicts can be resolved without arguments. I've seen it in action. Some folks find arguments productive, and stick to the rules, and it seems to work for them. Others do not. My preference is not . Interesting topic. xo tal (xo to sunni, LB/DL) thank you, and good night!

Eyebrow2

It used to irritate the hell out of me that my husband wouldn't argue with me when we disagreed about something.

It took me a long time to understand that was because he and his ex used to argue...screaming matches, etc...a whole lot. To me, you don't have to yell to have a arguement.

Sometimes I think people may need a civil arguement to really get the others point of view. It depends on the personality.

I guess it really depends on how you view arguements..to me it is a heated discussion, not necessarily a fight. My husband used to fight a lot with his ex...we have had a few arguements, but never any fights.

I think the difference is that through these arguements, we both have learned what buttons to push that would really REALLY put the other over the edge...AND WE DO NOT PUSH THEM.

(k, I am occaisionally tempted....)

LittleToe

There's nothing wrong with discussion, and occasionally it may need to be frank. If voices have to be raised, however, then something is breaking down in communications IMHO.

Regular conflicts/arguments would indicate to me that there were deeper issues, and rather than strengthen a relationship I would suggest they are damaging.

I tend to be very empathic, and so those kind of conflicts physically hurt. But heck, that's just me. Some folks seem to thrive on them.

MidwichCuckoo

It depends on how many kitchen implements are involved.

Billygoat

You're totally wrong Billygoat.

I guess I know now how you usually feel? LOL

zen nudist

passionate people often have passionate arguements and passionate love making as well... there is a definite connection

where as very logical and rational people may avoid conflict and as a direct result they have no passion to keep the relationship when things go bad, they just walk away from it, logically,

even mr spock got passionate every 7 years. .

Rayvin

I say it how the arguement is resolved that is most important. As well as respect for each other during the arguement. No name calling!

Therapist speak is good to learn. example wife says " You are such a jerk. I have to always take the trash and and its your job" the hubby should say (most would really say "I am NOT a jerk " ) " I hear you saying.. you feel upset that I haven't been taking the trash out as much as you think I should"

The most odd thing is when in an arguement we all filter the info given to us through our personal thoughts and feelings. If we hear someone say ' you didn't do laundry' you may internally hear " you are a bad housekeeper" . Thats where miscommunication comes in . We need to let the other person know that we hear things different and we need more clarification.

anewme

I like when I hear old married couples describe the secret ingredient for their marriage's longevity.
They almost always say "Give and take" is the key. Each partner must be honest about what they like and dont like, but should be willing to give in sometimes to the whims of the other.

What is absolute POISON to a relationship is while arguing names are called.

My ex and I were first loves. We knew each other from H.S.
We took each other for granted.
We started treating each other casually and like brother and sister on hot tiring days. Both of us frustrated and mad at life etc. We began to tease and taunt each other. At first it was funny and silly and stupid. It did not seem to hurt. We both were just playing. But then the teasing would begin another day. And occur again. The teasing became a game during arguments and discussions.
The occasional jab became more frequent. Our love life became destroyed.
Our marriage became an appearance only thing... a business partnership.
Our hearts longed for a loving friend who did not speak that way to us.

Anyway, now in my latest marriage we have a rule.....no teasing. Its not for everyone I know. It sounds severe, but my husband is very loving and sweet and sincere and insists we only treat each other in a loving way. I listen to him because I came from an abusive home and my first marriage turned out so weird, so I am trying to be genuine and loving all the time. On these hot August days I find myself returning to old ways........teasing a little here and there....he sees it as abuse and puts a stop to it.
I am open to learning new ways of living.

ButtLight

Do you have a specific conflict in mind JH???????????

Do conflicts/arguments strengthen friendships/relationships ?

troucul