I have never cried as much and been so emotionally touched forever, as when all of you here at JWD sent flowers and a blanket for my daughter's funeral service. It meant the world to me and I felt like I was not completely surrounded by JW in-law's and all alone.
I believe Nina is right, it is not good manners to request money at all. Someone (without my permission) printed such a comment in my daughter's announcement without my approval and I did feel terrible, although it mentioned Talia's favorite charity (Greenpeace).
But, I feel sending your thoughts, cards, letters, flowers and gifts DIRECTLY to the affected family members is probably always going to be seen as positive.