Terry
I appreciate you sharing so much of yourself with us over a number of threads and it is like watching a jig-saw come together.
You seem to be constructing a paradigm of the world that suits you. However perfectly you do this, it will still be uniquely your reality and your comments show that you are aware of this.
Even if it becomes the most perfected view of the world that has ever been, it will still not suit the emotional disposition others. Many people will not have the intelligence to grasp it’s beauty and worth. Our individual view of the world is as it needs to be for us to find life meaningful. Due to this - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some people will always prefer beer and chips to Champagne and caviar.
I may be wrong, but you seem to have difficulty forgiving yourself for accepting the wrong eggs, causing you to make painful decisions and standing up for what you mistakenly perceived was the truth. You need to praise yourself for having the courage to throw out the cuckoo eggs when you discovered they were valueless. That is all anyone can do.
Until we have accepted our mistakes and forgiven ourselves we have not really got rid of all the eggs. We cannot make up for what has happened we can only affect the present. If we are still angry at ourselves because we think we should have been smart enough to avoid our mistakes then we are still holding on to a false idea about ourselves and that is in itself another cuckoo egg.
trevor