by Englishman 40 Replies latest jw friends
Lots of missed opportunities..the kind that cannot be re-lived. Born into the "truth", so I made and raised three kids in it. Now, I realize that the damage I did to myself, or the damage the "experience" did to me, (however you want to phrase it) has been passed on. Fortunately, two of my three have seen the light, and do not associated with the Borg at all.
Onintwo
I can't relate as to how you came thru LT, but I appreciate your perspective. I can't imagine the difference coming thru as one who was raised in the truth as opposed to one who is a transplant. The two have such vastly different dynamics. I was brought up in a world of chaos and disorder. No one was knowledgeable as to the truth of Jehovah's alledged organisation. My father had some inkling as he used to go to the KH early in our lives as children. I never even knew I was going to a Hall in those few spaces when a tyke. As I got to be a teen, I was introduced to JW Org. I was already a troubled child looking for structure and discipline. Unable to get it from home, I was in a desperate search for the father. Physical, spiritual, emotional and otherwise. A search of desperate measures.
Great Question! I think any bad experience can have damaging effects. But with those effects are lessons to be learned. If we go through ANY negative thing in life it can result in either bringing us down or making us stronger. I am quite liberated at this juncture. I NEVER look at my JW past and wish that I could still be a part of the religion. NOTHING in this religion is missable. Sure, there are some fine people but such ones are conditional friends.I don't believe though, that I am "damaged goods" because I was raised as a Witness. I believe I have overcome the "cult" mentality. Boards such as these, give us the opportunity to see that we aren't wrong, after all. We are somewhat "normal". If the Organization had its way, we would never have exposure to what anyone but JWs are programmed to think. We would never know that millions of others have experienced the same kinds of injustices that we have experienced.
I am not sure in my case if 'damage' is the right word.
The religion 'robbed' me. It robbed me of over 30 adult years, basically wasted plodding door to door and trying to get others to buy into the fantasy. It robbed me of career, better retirement prospects, sports and intellectual pursuits that were Verboten in the witness culture. It robbed me of friends when I exited, friends that had been close to me for decades that will now not speak to me. It robbed me of individualism, the right to be me. I look in the mirror and say "who is the man starring back at me, what is he about?" and I have no answers.
Even on a Christian level I was 'robbed'. I am now building a relationship with the Father and Jesus that I did not have, nor was I encouraged to have in the organization. I was robbed of a correct understanding of Biblical passages that lead me in directions that I now see were diametrically opposed to real Christianity.
I am recovering - just like one will recover from being hit by a burglur - but some very sentimental things are gone - there is not enough time to replace them. Youth, vigor, lifelong friends, education, career. Other things are gone too - trust being the foremost one among them.
I guess I was damaged. I am thankful to be out - but I still have to fight everyday with my emotions over such great losses. As mentioned in other posts - some have endured far worse than being part of a high control religion and accepting it's wrong teachings - so from that perspective it might be less damage than others have had in life.
Jeff
There's an immeasurable growth processing that has the capacity to develop me into a pretty well rounded off individual, now that I'm no longer connected to the tentacles that at one time held me hostage to the religion. It still takes a lot of getting used to, this freedom that come at the end of understanding that Jehovah's alleged organisation is not the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Everyday brings me an opportunity for growth in leaps and bounds. After coming to JWD over a year or so ago, after the fighting thru the truth about the truth, my faith having been shattered and destroyed as to it's unreality, I now have for the first time, tools able to help me thru this crazy mixed up wonderful world we live in. With all it's pains and foibles. This is one exhausting, enduring and in many instances endearing places to be in my life. Growth has come at such a rapid pace, that many sit back and shake thier heads as to how well I'm actually able to maintain. More so how I'm moving in an upwardly direction, no longer with my head in the sand waiting for paradise delayed over and over again.
I don't think it actually damaged me. It did play havoc with my maturation though. When I left the JW's, I really threw the baby out with the bathwater. I did some awful things. I would get these uncomfortable guilty feelings and wonder why I felt guilty when I was no longer a JW. Much later I realised it was my own higher self insisting that I made changes. Then I realised that I had a morals that were my own and not having their origins in a religion. So then I started listening to myself.
I hope that makes sense.
Englishman.
It wasn't really that big of a deal for me to leave the dubs. Lost all my friends but I'm making new ones so whatever, their loss. I'm becoming much more stable as far as my world view goes. Mostly its just the amount of time that I wasted in the cult that pisses me off, now I'm scrambling to make up for it.
GBL
As I worked through the results of my sexual abuse and the abuse of living in an alcholic family, I learned no one is damaged permanently. Gradually you work you way out and learn to live a happier and productive life. The same insight and techniques work with spiritual abuse.
I have met so many people who have overcome situations worse than mine who were examples and encouragement for me to keep trying.
Blondie
Mike:I think that makes perfect sense.
Morals have been around longer than religion.
GBL:
Why "scramble" and risk making similar mistakes? You've got all the time in the world
In some ways IRREPERABLY...
In other ways...it was a painful learning experience...with a good outcome...sort of...
u/d(of the what doesn't kill you will only require brief hospitalization class)
