Post your "top tips"

by ballistic 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  ballistic

  Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y

  Buy a television set exactly like your neighbours. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control.

  MOTORISTS. Pressing your 'fog lights' switch a second time after the fog has cleared will actually turn your fog lights off.

  X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'.

  Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
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  stillajwexelder

  Dont spend money on whores or taking women out to dinner - use your right hand
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  CoonDawg

  Why go through the hassle of marriage and divorce? Why not simply find an ugly woman that you hate with all your heart....then buy her a house and give it to her.

  Instead of doing the "Indecent Proposal" thing and have your wife sleep with someone for a million bucks....have her sleep with a hundred people for the low price of $10,000...
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  ballistic

  Dont spend money on whores or taking women out to dinner - use your right hand

  Or... Lay on your right arm until it goes dead, attach a piece of string to your dead wrist and pull the string with the other hand for that authentic hand job experience.
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  talesin

  The three big lies,,,

  ~ The cheque's in the mail.

  ~ I'll get back to you on that.

  ~ I won't *** in your mouth.
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  ballistic

  Tal, I can assure you I don't lie about any of those things, except the middle one.

  I'll get back to you on that.
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  katiekitten

  Ballistic, have you been reading Viz?

  Lorry drivers remember, when overtaking each other on dual carriageway always drive at 50 and 51mph respectively.

  If you want that Elvis sparkle on your suit simply let a load of snails crawl all over it the night before.
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  talesin

  Uh, yes, ballistic, I will 'put your cheque in the mail' as soon as you 'get back to me'.
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  ballistic

  Ballistic, have you been reading Viz?

  LOL - yes I have done in the past...

  Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead

  When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case a large blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up the road. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead General Infirmary

  ***making sure not to get back to Tal***
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  delilah

  Sometimes you're the bug, sometimes you're the windshield.......stay away from the freeway.

  My daughter's friend's tip for the day. Delilah