First, my apology. I haven't been able to get on internet until a moment ago. Then I read your wonderful posts, some of which I want to respond to. And I will but have to go out of town till this evening. Later.
Fats
Honest fading a myth?
by Fatfreek 19 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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peacefulpete
There is no such thing as fading in our experience. After 4 years of not being near the KH or members other than parents, they df'd us without our being present. We played the game and secretly recorded our joke of an appeal (to be able to remain in contact with aging parents that need our help). They df'd us again without much adieu, saying that our disbelief constituted apostacy by a revised definition. I never even detailed any disbelief other than saying I had reservations about 'certain' matters. What I'm getting at is that you can't just ignore them and you can't force them to provide proof of apostacy. I sent a letter that threatened lawsuit, insisting they had no basis for slanderous characterizations being made(silly really as they legally can impose church rules, however arbitrary, upon members), they just ignored it and announced our dfing.
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luna2
I felt like I honestly faded. I didn't stop going for doctrinal reasons, although many things were bothering me, I just wasn't happy and needed a break. I went sporadically for a year, making the public talks, going out in service for one to four hours a month, missing the midweek meetings fairly regularly and dropping out of the TMS. It was slow and it was genuine. I still thought it was the truth, but I felt so guilty, depressed and unhappy that I couldn't function.
When I finally stopped completely and I got a couple of elder-calls asking if they could come over, I was honest and told them that nothing had changed and that there wasn't anything I wanted to discuss. I'm sure it was very frustrating for them. If they asked me if I still believed (which I don't remember), I'm sure I told them that I did, and that the fault was with me.
I've only known the real truth about "The Truth" since April of this year. No elder has called in that time, so I haven't had to tell them anything. I'll be honest if it comes up before I get around to DAing myself, tho.
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Fatfreek
Nina,
You and Chris are to be envied, both of you on the same page. So much you and he can share from both sides of the Jdubs.
...the ruse is mostly being untrue to oneself and that sucks big time.
My heart's out to you and those in your position, Midget.
...Plus I wrote what I call my BLOOD LETTER that Five differrent Elders tried to answer and one cried after reading it, one quit and is now out. ... Also the Shepperding Book say's if a publisher has not been going to meetings for over a year they are longer a witness so do not DF them. I have reminded the Elders sevreal times about this statement in the shepparding book.
What a great job, Skyman! Hat's off to you. Uh ... I was not aware of that one year "statute of limitations" you mention. I was led to believe it was some ten years.
Mrs RockyII -- you, like Nina, are so very fortunate. Your mate AND your children are finally on the same page with perhaps some more distant shunned relations and friends. I love your "Hotel California" classic line. So fitting.
Vitty, my heart, and others I'm sure, are aching with you.
Gary, you and I share much more than I thought.
"...An honest fade can be done. It just takes time and patience."
Great encouragement for us all, RobDar, with your parents finally coming along.
"...I fired off a letter to one of the elders and told him that there were powerful laws that I would invoke to protect my reputation should the slander continue. I never had a 'shepherding call' or visit after that."
Encouraging, Jeff. Good for you.
Pete, it appears you were victim of those penetrating type elders. Sorry.
Luna, I wish you the very best. It's only been a short time but, congratulations so far.
Fats
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mrs rocky2
I don't know how folks handle leaving the Borg without their family. Altho' I couldn't stay even if they rest of them continued. It was just way too depressing!
But more details on the family shunning business...even though we have had several years to prepare for the inevitable, it still hurts when family chooses to follow an organization blindly and write off blood ties.
My half-brother stopped talking to us when we quit attending the meetings and has not shown any interest in his nieces (his loss, I might say). My sister continues to believe that she can talk to me as long as an announcement is not made at the KH, however she never initiates contact (she'll talk to me if she catches me on instant messenger). My elderly parents...my father must set a 'proper example.' He has been the PO of his congregation until recently when my mother's health required more attention. He does not respond to e-mails and has told our youngest daughter that she "shouldn't talk to her dad." My mom is the most distressed. She won't call our house for fear Rocky will answer the phone. She calls me at work when she thinks my dad won't know and has instructed me to call her cell phone when I know my father isn't around. Being several hundred miles has cushioned some of the emotional impact of being shunned by them. Locally, Rocky's brother and sis-in-law absolutely hate us! We dragged their names into the local paper with our letter to the editor after Rocky's official DFing. Rocky's mom continues to speak to us, but closes her WT publications/Bible when we are at her home. She really doesn't have much choice. She is widowed and Rocky is the primary administrator of her finances. But the local JWs have put extreme pressure on her to turn down rides from us to town for doctoring, grocery shopping and the like. I find all of this hilarious, a bit like disturbing an ant pile!
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Lilycurly
Well, my story must be an exeption then. I don't even know what happenned. One day I was a full blown JW, giving my 10 hours a months, going and answering at every meeting. Being all smiles and positive chat with the rest of them.
The day after, I quit, cold-turkey. I simply tell my dad in a fit of exasperation that I wouldn't go anymore, that I've had enough. No smooth fading, no letters of DA, nothing. I never went back to a meeting or out in service since. My father knows I riped my blood card and got rid of all the WT crap, he knows I regularly visit apostate sites, and read apostate material and talk about it right and left, heck, I even let Crisis of Conscience lying aroung the house in hopes he would take a look. Logically, he should have told the elders, no? Shouldn't I be disfellowshiped by now? I never got a call from them and JWs I met in the street smile and talk to me as if nothing happenned? Is my dad trying to protect me? Isn't that disloyal to the society?
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rebel8
It CAN be done, but it requires a series of Fortunate Events.
True. I did it, although I can appreciate it is pretty hard to do in many situations.
I had a lot of subconscious doubts, or really I was conscious of them but chose to not think about them to manage the cognitive dissonance.
I stopped going to meetings and in FS, which was noticeable because I was a reg. pio. Elders insisted upon meeting. I said no thanks, but I lived with my jw mother at the time (still a teenager) and she said I'd be kicked out of the house if I didn't go. Not wishing to be homeless, I went to the JC.
After the interrogation and being found totally innocent of the usual crimes (kissing boys and other terrible things), they said the classic, "Do you believe this is the FDS" or something like that. I said, "I don't know," which was true at that point...I wasn't 100% positive it wasn't god's org., I was just sure I didn't want to be a part of it.
They said, "Are you DAing yourself?" I said, "No." They insisted I DA myself and I said no. I just didn't want to play their game. Then they said, "You will be back." I said, "No I won't."
Then they asked if they could pray and I said they could do whatever they pleased. I sat there quietly but didn't bow my head or say amen.
Then I said goodbye and walked out. And I lived happily ever after. The End
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Doubtfully Yours
All is fair in love and war, and mine is a theocratic war.
Hey, if they can disguise themselves as being evacuees to infiltrate the masses and reach their purpose, I can surely disguise myself as one of them in order to keep a relationship with my close relatives.
DY
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Fatfreek
I even let Crisis of Conscience lying aroung the house in hopes he would take a look. Logically, he should have told the elders, no? Shouldn't I be disfellowshiped by now? I never got a call from them and JWs I met in the street smile and talk to me as if nothing happenned? Is my dad trying to protect me? Isn't that disloyal to the society?
Lily, yours is quite a story and a good one at that. Your Dad sounds like someone who thinks for himself. He certainly knows the consequences if he turned you in. The fact that he hasn't speaks well for your relationship. You must be doing something right. CongratulationsRebel, knowing how old you were at the time of your "rebelliousness" (good for you) speaks of your great strength. If you did that completely on your own my hats off to you.
if they can disguise themselves as being evacuees to infiltrate the masses and reach their purpose, I can surely disguise myself as one of them in order to keep a relationship with my close relatives.
Ooooh, a loaded one there, DY. I think I know what your saying and I hadn't heard that bit of news (you talking about New Orleans?) yet. Yes, in their eyes it's all right to be deceptive if it satisfies their Theocratic objective.
Fats
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Eyebrow2
I faded...but "I'm just a girl" and NOT a pioneer...just a single mom at the time...I treid to get my 10 hours in a month, but my best friend and her family had already moved out of the congregation about a year before, so only one other real friend I had there cared. And I told her after the Memorial 1998 that I just didn't believe it any more.
I just stopped going. It was tough at first, because my mother who is a witness owend and lived in the duplex I lived in. About 6 months later I moved away for about 7 months to be with my fiance, and then when we moved back, I was "unevenly yoked" to an unbeliever. I was never d'fd...and if I ran into a witness at the store I wasn't shunned. But my friend would tell me more than once that if I wanted to see her, to come to the KH. She literally lived around the corner from me.
Anyhoo..we moved 2 years ago 2100 miles away. My mother visited the KH when she came to visit, and stuck the local elders on me. (cruzan knows the hall)...I politely told them I knew where the hall was, thank you very much. No one has come since...I think if I walked into the KH in my hometown today people would talk to me.
I would like to DA myself actually. I never have out of respect for my mom, and at first, because I didn't want my "friends" at the hall to lose the option of speaking with me. But now, after being out and not talking with any of them for a few years, I am starting to really desire being more vocal about what I believe. I always said I would lay low until my mom dies..but besides that being a horrible though (my mom dying) I really am tired of hiding.
I think it is possible to fade away if you are not high profile in the KH. If you are, you may want to take baby steps...all of sudden stepping down from being an Elder maybe because you have to take care of your family needs....etc....I wish you the best...it isn't easy, but it can be done.