They like playing the innocent victims, when it is they themselves who are hurting you. Don't let them get away with it.
Kwin
The Wedding Saga...Episode 2
by Krystal 21 Replies latest jw experiences
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ApagaLaLuz
((((Krystal))) I'm so sorry. I understand completely the hurt that causes. When my mom took my nephew away from me and I said "Why are you do this to me and to him?". She said "I'm not doing it. You're the one who's done it because you don't love Jehovah. That's your choice" What a sick thing to say it's someone's choice to be cut off from their family ;( Seriously the huge amount of denial really makes me feel sick. Good for you for writing a letter and at least getting that off your chest. Such a frustrating thing to try and convince a person in denial that they may actually be to blame.
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outoftheorg
Krystal I know how you feel. Give it time and you get used to it and move on in your life. Accept their hateful acts without any questions. They are who they are and may or may not, one of these days change, so just allow them to drift away.After I was df'd for [having fits of rage} "telling the elders they needed the shite kicked out of them"
My kind and loving sister "that refused to speak to me" subscribed a years worth of watchtowers and had them sent to me.
I marked them (return to sender the wbts) with a sticky note inside "don't send me any more of this shite".
That stopped the flow of magazines and I never again heard a word from my sisters "now dead" and my brother.
It took a while and I made new friends and family and the memories of hurt drifted away.
Their decisions are theirs so let them just be the confused missled somewhat demented people they are.
The cult has control over them and caused this insanity, so for now at least, they are incapable of rational reasonable behavior.
You have a life to live and others to love and care for, so add a few friends and you have more than a lot of people do.
Outoftheorg
Best wshes to you and yours.
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Dawn
(((Krystal)))
I know how you feel. When my brother was re-married a few years back I was not invited, however, they did ask me to send my son to the wedding. Mind you, it was across country so would cost me a few $$ (plane fare, etc.)
Since my son was a teenager I left the choice up to him and he wanted to go - so I paid his way. I'm glad I took the high road. It paid off. I let them know what bull I thought it all was - but that I was going to act like a CHRISTIAN and not manipulate my son into playing their game.
Recently my brother's daughter also got married. She sent an invitation to the house addressed only to my son. This time he sent it back "REFUSED" - unopened. He made it clear to that he thought it was bull &hit - if his mom and dad weren't invited he wasn't interested in the invitation. It was his choice - one he made by watching both sides of this drama.
It hurts to have your own family treat you like dirt. But stand up for yourself. The bottom line is 2 choices:
(1) they treat you like dirt and you take it - ending up feeling like dirt, or
(2) they treat you like dirt and you throw it back at them - they may open their eyes to it one day and realize, may not, but at least you'll feel proud for standing tall. (And you wont' have dirt on you )
I've been DF'd for 15 years now - so I'm talking from experience. I let them treat me bad for too long. Once I started standing up for myself I got a lot of the same e-mails and letters as you did from your mom - basically blaming ME because I choose not to return to the JWs. But I continued to stick up for myself.
It has paid off. They haven't changed - may never change. What changed is me - I'm proud of me, and I stick up for me, and I don't let them put me down.
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wheres caleb?
Krystal,
What you went through was cruel. I gave a comment at a Watchtower study about emotional blackmail and I wish you could have seen the conductor's facial expression; not to mention, the heads turning around to look at me. The comments I received afterwards is the most important thing. Many witnesses appreciated it.
Many are in there and feel the way you do. Many are content to keep up the pretense. My parents are no different than yours; I can empathize.
Your being here is a good step in getting past all this. I wish you well.
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Es
That is absolutely disgusting why did they bother sending you and invite if they were only gona send it after the wedding thats terrible......as if thats not going to hurt you.
Im so so sorry hun
es
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Momofmany
{{{{{Krystal}}}}
I am sorry. It has nothing to do with what choices you have made, or will make. It was her choice not to invite you. Her choice to try and hurt you to get you to come back to the borg.
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anewme
Dear Krystal, at first reading your post I too felt upset and wondered what happened? What went so wrong? How could a loving family goof up so much? Then I read it again more carefully.....
First, your dad did let you know there was your sisters wedding coming up
and no you werent invited. After 4 years did you expect you would be?
Second, an announcement was sent to you after the fact (not unlike many who choose to send out only announcements of their already held weddings) accompanied by a personal letter from your parents (we hope that contained some loving words wishing you had been there etc.)
Thirdly the web photos were sent to you. I think there is where your mom errored. That was too much for one little heart! To see the family and former friends celebrating without you your own sisters wedding must have been incredibly painful!
You rightly wrote your mother of your deep hurt over the whole thing. She wrote you back acknowledging her folly over the photos. Her defense about the pain and family split being your fault only added salt to your wound. But like it or not, this is the way it is when we are Dfd from the org. The freedom comes sometimes at a very high price.
Now, you are a young woman who still needs her mother for many things in life yet to come.
I know your mom and dad love you Krystal. The fact they took time to inform you, send you notices and pictures and write apologies to you is evidence of that. Many of us have never heard from our loved ones again!!!!! It has been 4 years for me too. I could have died for all they know, and almost did!!!
Try try to understand their side. Pursue an avenue of communication and cooperation with your parents on a secret level. Stay in touch with them. You have a right to your own life and they know that. Try to find a way to get along and stay a family while you are away.
Oh and lastly.....there are few events in life more highly charged emotionally than weddings and their arrangements!!!! I recommend keeping weddings very simple. On a side note: I got married this last May after being dfd 4 years. We went to the justice of the peace and his mom was our only witness. 50 people got wedding announcements including his sister who was incensed by not being invited.
BUT THAT WAS OUR CHOICE--------NO GUESTS!
She has not spoken to us since. It has been almost 4 months! I think she has decided we are out of her life now. I wrote to her reminding her that we wanted a private wedding and that I was so happy about the simplicity of the whole thing and how much I loved her brother and mother and how grateful I am to be a part of such a loving family finally!
She wrote back recommending we have a nice life.
Ya cant please everyone Krystal, ya got to please yourself! -
Country Girl
How cruel can these people be??
You can't even begin to imagine. They would sacrifice their own children to their religion. Not much better than those who sacrifice their children in the stone arms of a god above a fire. If one parent would not let their child have a blood transfusion in worship to their stone God, they are no better. Thank heaven that the REST OF US, the WORLD, have a grip on reality! I believe in most states, the doctors will file a Guardian brief that will protect most JW children from giving their lives up, and I believe they have, many times. But what about the kids that haven't been protected by these kind and loving doctors? What about the ones that file lawsuits that challenge the doctors on the basis of Freedom of Religion? Does Freedom of Religion include killing your kids?
1) My dad informs me this spring that my sister is getting married.
That ws nice of him.
2) I am of course not informed of the actual date incase I decide to show up
3) I am sent a wedding invitation AFTER the wedding has taken place along with a little letter from Mom and Dad.
What else do you expect? You will go to the wedding and contaminate all the VICTIMS there! You cannot be allowed to associate with the wonderful Christians atthe wedding party because you are an.... ann... APOSTATE! <gasp>
4) I get an e-mail from my mom with the link to the website of wedding photos and gushing dub comments.... "What a lovely family" blah blah blah
I would just agree with her and not let her/them know it bothered you.
So what do I do, for the first time in 4 years I write my parents and tell them how much that hurt me... that I am disgusted that they cling to an organization that promotes HATE within family members... that a loving god would never approve of such treatment...
What does she write back??
"Krystal...I'm sorry you feel that way....perhaps it was a mistake of me to send you the link. It was definately...not done with the intention of hurting you...I'm sorry if it was bad judgement on my part.
No individual or organization has tried to hurt you.....you've been hurt by your own choices...I know that does not make the pain any less....but understand that this situation is difficult for all of us....not just you, and it was certainly not our choice to live this way ...as a family divided.
Again, I apologize if I have hurt you by sending the pictures...
Mom"
WTF?! She didn't hurt me with the pictures she hurts me by putting her precious religion before her own FLESH AND BLOOD!!!
We don't understand it, but they all do it. They put whatever the religion thinksbefore common sense and their relatives. Understand that. You really have no choice, unless you can get a grip on their ocmmon sense, which won't happen any time soon. I hope to God that you can find a common ground with them, but you probably won't...
CG
I cannot believe her answer... basically, "It's your own fault you weren't invited"
ARRRGH!!
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Tez
In addition to the valuable comments already made Krystal, sadly your family don't see it as cruelty as such, or if they do they view it as being 'cruel to be kind', they think if you see what you are missing you will want to go back. How TOTALLY misguided they are. It gets to me that these families don't realise that much as they try to emotionally blackmail us, IF we were to go back it would be for the love of our family not the love of God!!! They are just so missing the point!!! Be strong Krystal, there are people that will give unconditional love, as this site shows!!!