Dan, I guess my point was that you chose a better route to get out of that lifestyle than many others do. I've seen too many guys fall into the drinking-and-drugging lifestyle, from which they never recover.
Sunny is right --- this is a natural stage that happens to folks, whether it's about the JW or not, we all sit back at those times and contemplate our 'mistakes'. I see these so-called mistakes as 'learning experiences', and all we can do is thank the goddess that we didn't get into worse trouble while floundering around in our pain. Don't look back with regrets, but rather acceptance that it was the best you could do at the time. My goodness, you were so young! And dealing with so much that a young person should NOT have to deal with.
It's hard to feel good when you feel so different, so ... angry that you lost those years. I'm just now realizing how much time was lost while I tried to find my way. Looking back and analyzing is good, but there comes a time (and I can tell you know that time is now) to move on and realize that we have made choices dependent on what we knew at the time, and since we now know better, we can make better choices. Relax a bit, and you will find your path. It's not urgent, it really isn't. Dealing with the day-to-day is the business at hand, and exploring how we feel about the greater mysteries is more of a luxury (at least in my mind).
Savour the opportunities you have right now to enjoy life, while you figure out how it is you feel about philosophical issues. Take a walk today, and soak up the little things that may bring you joy ,,, a soft breeze, the neighbour who gives you a smile, whatever, and remember what John Lennon said ...
Life is what happens when we are making other plans.
The random tragedies/dramas in our life are not as important as how we deal with them. You are a good person, funny, smart and resilient ... you will get there.
tal