Is this love? It feels like the flu...

by Ingenuous 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • Ingenuous
    Ingenuous

    For anyone who may have noted my happy news of about a week ago, the bubble burst after roughly 48 hours. After the 90% successful "let's agree to act like intelligent adults and respect the other's conscience" talk with my Dad, he wrote a letter and renegged on everything. I am once again a hard-headed, ungrateful apostate.

    I'm as tired of writing about the situation as you probably are reading about it, so I won't go into too many details. The letter was the equivalent of psychological flailing. A few wonderfully ridiculous parts included the assertion that "there is no one in this family you can point to who is ostracized because they are not practicing Jehovah's Witness" - referring to an aunt and uncle who are "inactive" JWs because of a personality conflict and an aunt and uncle who were never baptised. Technically, it's true - no one in this family will be ostracized for not being practicing JWs until it happens to me. He asserted that I couldn't possibly have come up with the objections to the Org that I have on my own because he's seen the same arguments in apostate books and sites - things I never saw until after my personal studies. (I guess I'm supposed to assume that he is "strong enough" to read such things.) There were also the choice statements: "You refer to the organization as one that teaches 'untruth in the name of God.' That is apostasy" and "No matter how right you are the numbers will win."

    I'll spare you the rest. The letter left me feeling physically ill: nauseous, achy, too hot then too cold. It felt like the flu.

    What really freaked me out is that he came over while I was at work and left the letter on my computer. I can't help but feel he was snooping around looking for something "incriminating". He made it clear he's already spoken to the elders, but they apparently don't care enough to do anything. I'm sure if they do anything, it'll be because he's prodded them.

    Today, though, I'm feeling good. I made it clear to myself and to God today that I am no longer in any way a JW or in support of that organization. And it was enough - admitting I'm standing on my own, responsible for my choices and the consequences. I'm no longer hiding behind the F&DS or any other reps of the Org.

    I will not play their game and contact them. I feel it would compromise my dignity to play by their rules, to write them a letter and ask to be left alone, followed by having to give a dozen of my family members an explanation for my actions along with reason not to talk to me. (I'm sure my Dad would insist that I be the one to tell them they can't talk to me or show me any affection and deal with the flack. He would no doubt see it as "loving discipline.") I'm finally settled with my relationship with God being no one's business. I sat and talked to my Mom today and felt totally at ease - I owe no one an explanation or justification for my actions. And I'm going to enjoy her company for as long as the elders don't care enough to say anything to me. I will not let my Dad bait me anymore - the topic is not up for discussion. He's going to have to get me thrown out if he wants to take my family from me.

  • coolhandluke
    coolhandluke

    I'm proud of you

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    Good girl. It sounds like despite what your dad is putting you through that you are coming out of it as a stronger person.

    Good for you.

    Josie

  • damselfly
    damselfly

    Good stuff! Play by your rules, it's your emotions that will be affected by it. I love to hear that you can talk to your mom, I miss mine every day. Hold on to that as long as possible.

    I love your updates and look forward to reading them.

    Dams

  • Es
    Es

    Good on you...its your lilfe and you owe no explanations for your decisions

    all the best

    es

  • doofdaddy
    doofdaddy

    Funny thing about fathers, particularly the jw version is that they have trouble seeing their daughters as adults.

    Forever daddies little girl.

    So when daughter gets her own opinion, dad hits the roof, even to the point of cutting that rebellious daughter off. All a bit weird I reckon, kinda like jealousy.

    Saw it with my jw brother and many in jws.

    Sons eventually get respect but daughters??

  • Honesty
    Honesty

    Good for you.

    Don't back down.

    They are being mislead by a book publishing company that is only interested in appearances and profits.

  • FlyingHighNow
    FlyingHighNow

    I have fellow feeling for you. I went a similar round with my older sister and her husband and grown sons this year. I finally told them that if they want to contact me, they will have to contact me. I am not going to be accused of coming after them to spread apostate thinking into their psychotic family again.

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat
    Funny thing about fathers, particularly the jw version is that they have trouble seeing their daughters as adults.

    Forever daddies little girl.

    So when daughter gets her own opinion, dad hits the roof, even to the point of cutting that rebellious daughter off. All a bit weird I reckon, kinda like jealousy.

    This is so true. At least in my case. I remember asking my father questions as a little girl and he wouldn't answer them. He'd always ask me questions back, like, "What do you think it is?" "What do you know about it so far?" "How do you think that works?" It used to annoy me that he wouldn't just answer the questions, but I didn't realize at that young age what he was doing. He was teaching me to think for myself. Ironic that it's that very thing that led me out of the organization to begin with. I wonder sometimes if he realizes that.

    I remember the fateful day when he kicked me out of the family home. He said to me with his teeth clenched and hands visibly shaking as his forefinger kept poking me in the chest, "You are nothing without me. You have no home, you have no money, you have nothing. You don't even have Jehovah. You'll never survive in this world without me. Remember that as you leave today. You are NOTHING without me." As I cried from those words, I remember thinking how terribly sad and pathetic he sounded when he said that. But out of spite and driven by my own pain, I was bound and determined TO succeed without him. Since that day, I've never moved back home, I've never asked for money, I've never relied on them for anything that binds me to them. Sometimes, I wonder if it doesn't hurt my father to see me succeed in my life without him. Sometimes I wonder if he's proud of me, but just too damn proud to say it.

    Andi - who misses her old "daddy" when she was little.

  • doofdaddy
    doofdaddy

    That's tragic Andi

    That is exactly what I was talking about. These sad men just can't see their daughters outside of their "protective" control. You see it at weddings. It's the fathers who crack up.

    What a waste of life eh? He must love you so much but can't face the woman you've become.

    Once again I say, life is too short for this sort of behaviour....

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