Low Low Low Self Esteem

joelbear

Man, if I don't solve this problem I'm gonna be dead one way or another.

I know I need to build self esteem.

I am focusing on bringing things into my life that I find real fulfillment in.

I had little fulfillment as a witness. Really only the pleasure I got from Bible Studies, of which I really only had about 10 real ones of. Meetings and conventions were pure torture.

I had fulfillment in my JW friends, but those are gone now.

I have never had a fulfilling job since I wasn't allowed to go to college to study what I wanted.

I am rediscovering the things I love and discovering some new ones too. If I can center my life maybe I can stop having

episodes like I have had daily for the past 10 days.

Thanks for all the well wishes, they do help.

hillbilly

Joel...buddy I dont know what to say. All of us, including you, are worth something to somebody. We are all connected and someone loves everyone of us.

~Hill

upside/down

There is a book (a short read) called QBQ (The question behind the question)...and it talks about this subject.

It helps you (me) to recognize the "victim" mentality (even if we ARE a victim) and replace it with something PRODUCTIVE (through personal accountability). You'll enjoy it...it's light...but "real" and will help.

I suggest you buy it and read it...it'll only take an hour or two...

It will get you started...

And...it's NEVER TOO LATE to start getting educated...even if it's a little at a time.

I'm 40 and starting over with NOTHING...it can be done...and when you make progress....THAT will build your "esteem".

Give yourself time...the Dubs have f*cked your head over good...so be kind to yourself...cuz the Dubs weren't.

u/d (of the you gotta start somewhere class)

Satanus

I have very low self esteem too,even though i have a reputation for doing excellent work, being fairly smart/knowledgeable (this applies among my nieghbors).

If I can center my life maybe I can stop having episodes like I have had daily for the past 10 days.

I found that when i did 15 minutes of meditation (the breath counting/breath focusing method) daily, that i became centered. Superfluous thoughts just disappeared.

S

upside/down

That...and get a pet...preferrably a dog...that needs to be walked DAILY...this can be tremendous therapy...and a diversion.

u/d(of the two cents class)

Dogpatch

I wish the best for you, Joelbear. One of the greatest ways you can recover is to donate your time to a community cause and start helping others and make them part of your circle of friends. (NOT involving JWs in any way.) It will empower you! Soup kitchens, AIDS healthcare, city projects, etc will all do it. You need a new circle of friends who rely on you, who NEED you. They will give back to you in any way they can, and your happiness will grow, and along with it, self-esteem.

love ya man,

Randy

Billygoat

(((((Joel)))))

I wish I could fix it for you. I've been there. Sometimes it still bites me in the butt, so I know how hard things are sometimes. The damn rollercoaster is truly a monster. If nothing else, just know that others have and are traveling this road with you. We can all survive if we can just remember to lean on each other.

I seem to remember you're on medication. Have you followed up with your doctor regarding it? That sometimes it just doesn't work? Maybe there's a new or different med that you could give a try? Maybe it's time for a new doctor? I've known in my experience that meds don't work to their fullest potential without me seeing a therapist on a regular basis. Would any of this work for you? Just throwing thoughts out there to consider. This could very well be a physiological issue...not just emotional damage.

Tons of hugs, love, and kisses in your direction!

Andi

Ingenuous

Whew, JB! I'm so glad to see you posting. I was praying hard for you last night!

There's so much to learn once we get out of the Org. But that also means there's so much more that's possible for us that wasn't before. Just imagine: Given however many years you spent in the Org, you've got at least that much time to make up for by finding the things you've missed out on. And there's enough out there that those "make-up" years are going to be full of discovery and extra-ordinary experiences. As you're already figuring out, the things you love are waiting out there. And there's also the assurance that you have never really left yourself behind - you are waiting to be discovered as well.

There will be ups and downs. But now you are free to realize that no matter how your feelings may change moment to moment, those changes have no bearing on the value and worth of your life. Your worth is true, is reality, and truth and reality don't change just because our feelings do. You'll finally get to make true friends, leaving your fair-weather friends behind you, where they're supposed to be. You'll finally get to understand unconditional love. Those friends 'sticking closer than a brother' are out there as well (closer than you think) and will help you through it. If you're on meds, get in to see your prescribing physician now. Let the office know you're having problems and need to be squeezed in if they don't have a slot open. You should not be struggling so hard to stay afloat if you're on the right meds/dosages. I went through at least a dozen meds and combinations of meds before my doc and I found the right ones. Sometimes the "side effects" and break-throughs feel like adding insult to injury, but getting properly medicated makes a world - no, a universe - of difference.

As they say: When you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!

tetrapod.sapien

joel,

u/d and satanus gave some pretty good advice.

i don't know your situation, but is going back to school, to study what you really want to study, an option at all? i saw your other thread about making and keeping friends in your 40's. perhaps school would be the place where you would meet like minded people? there are a lot of people your age going back to school. it's never to late.

take care,

josh

confusedjw

JB - I'm sorry not to have a good answer, but I know that if you can make it thru this you'll be grateful someday.

I know it's not that helpful

Low Low Low Self Esteem

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