The Watch Tower Society has at last developed a product that will sell, edible literature. The edible magazines are delicious and their shipping and storage only presents minor challenges. The magazines need to be kept in a temperature range of about 44 degrees. The Society has plans available for baptized publishers only showing how to install a home size refrigerator in a 10 year old four door mid sized sedan.
The publishers will be calling on doors, offering the home dweller the edible item and offering a sample by way of a small version of the product, formerly called a booklet, now called a snacklet. The publisher will read a paragraph from the snacklet and then the publisher and the home dweller will each eat half of the product. The publisher will show a lot of pleasure in eating the product and when the dweller orders a standard size product for an unrelated donation, the publisher will return to the car and retrieve the product to deliver to the home dweller and collect the unrelated donation.
The new edible Bible will be well received by the publishers at the assemblies. They can look up the proof texts at the assembly in the morning and then eat the Bible for lunch. All this saves time and makes for a much more organized assembly, thus relieving the publishers of the encumberment of the noon break. This loving provision will allow us to stay in our seats for the whole 9 hour program.
The edible magazine and the new edible Bible is brought to you by meat at the proper time division of the Governing Body(TM). No Internet advertising or reproductions of the edible magazine and the new edible Bible is allowed since all information produced by the Governing Body (TM) is copyrighted and all edible items are produced using secret recipes and made by brothers in new buildings under spirit direction.
Big News! The Watch Tower Society has developed an edible Bible.
by garybuss 16 Replies latest social humour
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garybuss
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doofdaddy
Food at the proper time....
Can I have fries with that?
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Finally-Free
Will this edible literature have a shelf life similar to their current doctrines? Or will this allow for more frequent flashes of new light™?
Will this edible literature satisfy the stomach as much as their doctrines satisfy our spiritual appetite?
Is it
FDSFDA approved?W
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willyloman
This loving provision will allow us to stay in our seats for the whole 9 hour program.
Uh, Gary, were you in charge back in the '80s when they "simplified" the convention arrangements? If so, I am grateful you didn't come up with this idea then.
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Satanus
Will any sacred farts be forthcoming as commentary feedback?
S
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garybuss
Some brothers have asked if a prayer is offered before one eats a Bible. This is a question many honest hearted ones ask. Since the meal itself is a prayer a separate prayer is not offered . . . but if any of the generation of 1914 wish to pray before eating their Bible that will be their personal decision and no judicial committee will be formed. One sister was heard saying, "This beats the meat up the street!".
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Satanus
Will burps be considered a questioning of the wholesomeness of the food, and hence result in reprovals?
S
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doofdaddy
Vomiting is a conscience matter e.g. Were you ill or did you stick your finger down your throat? God will judge your actions
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Black Sheep
My wife is going to be in deep, deep doo doos if I come home and find my beer fridge full of bibles.
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The Chuckler
It's true - they've announced it on their new website JW-Feedia.org. =D