Big News! The Watch Tower Society has developed an edible Bible.

by garybuss 16 Replies latest social humour

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  garybuss

  The Society was going to market Kingdom News #69 printed on edible underwear but after prayerful consideration it was decided not to be done at this time. One elder commented that there might be a danger to house dwellers who may inadvertently say "Eat my shorts!", to a Witness at their door. During product testing at Patterson, one sister salivated at the sound of a door bell and two brothers actually stayed erect for the whole public talk last Sunday.
  
  
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  Wasanelder Once

  RESPLENDANT!
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  nerofiddle

  If I eat the literature what the hell am I supposed to wipe with?
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  Nathan Natas

  
  I hear that the food contains no preservatives, as "Trooth Spoilage" is part of the plan. Publications Snacks more than a year old will sprout nutritious edible fungus similar to the Manna that fed the Israelites for so long.

  The food is also low carb, because sugar alcohols have been used in place of genuine sugar. This provides the added benefit of frequent, loose and explosive semi-solid waste expulsion after all the high-fiber Spiritual Goodness™ has been derived from the foodstuff. As Paul said, "Were I not to speak the things I have seen, my bowels themselves would cry out." -- Constipations 3:16

  Also low sodium, because lithium chloride is added in place of regular salt. Added benefit: mood stabilization.

  Welcome one and all to the imaginary feast!
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  garybuss

  The edible literature does not have any calories and is not metabolized and "passed" in the usual way ordinary food is passed from the body. Passing of the literature could be seen by some as "change" and could cause stumbling. This provides another blessing from the Governing Body, no poop food. The edible literature is just eaten and forgotten, a lot like the way the conventional literature is appreciated by the brothers.
  Some religions have separate food and literature. This new edible literature is further proof we have the "truth" (TM).
  
  
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  kid-A

  Soilant Green is made of people!!! ITS PEOPLE!!!!

  (obscure 1970s schlock-film reference)
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  Nathan Natas

  Gary, I can see how some brothers might be stumbled by a big turd in the Kingdom Hall.

  All hail the Governing Body and their inspired recipes!