You Can't Get It Back

by Big Dog 34 Replies latest social family

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  Big Dog

  The higher education thread got me thinking about the thing I loathe, despise, hate with the intensity of a thousand suns about the WBTS, namely, the loss of my childhood. I remember when engaging in blistering arguements with my parents about being able to play sports or take up an instrument or dream of being an astronaut, or whatever thing the society frowned on that I wasn't allowed to do at the end I would always get the same final reply, "When you are 18 and out of the house you can do whatever you want."

  Oh really. I can go back and play Pop Warner football, or little league baseball, or play in the school band, etc? And the worse thing is, even some of the things I could do aren't the same as they are when you are a child. Sure I can go play slo pitch softball now with the guys from the office, but that isn't the same as it is for a kid playing little league baseball when he can devot his whole being to it and dream of being the next Mickey Mantle or Willie Mays, its a bunch of old guys with creaky knees and beer guts goofing off. The magic that accompanies the activities for a child is gone as an adult, the dreaming of what could be when life is still largely unlived and all possibilities are all still wide open.

  You can't get it back. That's why we punish crimes against children so harshly, once you strip a child of their childhood you can't give it back, they are forever changed and scared and the innocence is gone. The WBTS stripped me and so many others of the dreams and joy that should have been my right as a child and I hate them for it, because I can't get it back.
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  rebel8

  That is very true. Every so often we get people saying the classic, "It's in the past, now it's up to you to take action, get over it..."

  It is true we need to move forward and take responsibility for our future lives. It is also true that having a great present/future life in no way makes up for the losses experienced in the past.
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  under74

  mmm...ya. My older brother recently started a kind of argument with my older sister who has three kids. She's put them in all kinds of after school activities and all three play sports. My older brother argues that it's too much and doesn't understand why the kids are always doing something....I kind of agree the kids are too busy BUT I argued with him because I think my sister is overcompensating for what we weren't allowed to do. While I know this doesn't justify the kids being busy with sports and clubs every night...I understand my sister is trying to give them everything we didn't have.

  It's the same at Christmas...the kids are spoiled and pretty much get what they asked for if it's within reason. My other siblings usually tend to frown upon the kids getting so much on Christmas even though none of us are JW any longer. But hell, I buy them want at Christmas they want too!

  I told my sister that even though I can't argue with what she's doing with her kids that I think she does it because of the way we were raised. All she said to me was, "yeah, it's true."
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  nilfun

  Every so often we get people saying the classic, "It's in the past, now it's up to you to take action, get over it..."

  *nods* Yes, I think that these are unnecessary words also. Once you've found a trustworthy person(s) to be witness to the pain of childhood (in whatever degree that was) and they have the ability to suspend judgment while you go through the memories and tell your story -- having a listener -- I think *that* is one of the great catalysts for change -- to simply tell a person to "get over it" -- means nothing & does nothing for them. The question of "ok, I was hurt -- so NOW what?" will present itself eventually.
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  xjwms

  Big Dog

  I have to agree.

  My life would be so different today. The one thing is sure, ... I would'nt have $$$ worries like I do today.

  I passed on so many real estate offers over the years, I could just through up. And the youth thing, I feel the same as you.
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  talesin

  Yah, it's the hardest part to get over,,, it affects the rest of your life. I keep finding out 'new' things that my parents denied me, that they didn't tell me about when I was a kid. It's hard to 'get over it' and forgive, when I am faced with the effects at every turn in the road ...

  t
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  Wasanelder Once

  When you are raised by Chicken Little (WTBTS) its hard not to spend your childhood yelling door to door, "The Sky is Falling!" So, I too agree that the loss of childhood is a shame. Forutnately my folks weren't baptized so we were allowed many things others weren't. Of course there was always that rope around the neck, we were let out so far then yanked back. No army toys, army movies, etc that was ok to me.

  W.Once
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  Billygoat

  Oh really. I can go back and play Pop Warner football, or little league baseball, or play in the school band, etc? And the worse thing is, even some of the things I could do aren't the same as they are when you are a child. Sure I can go play slo pitch softball now with the guys from the office, but that isn't the same as it is for a kid playing little league baseball when he can devot his whole being to it and dream of being the next Mickey Mantle or Willie Mays, its a bunch of old guys with creaky knees and beer guts goofing off. The magic that accompanies the activities for a child is gone as an adult, the dreaming of what could be when life is still largely unlived and all possibilities are all still wide open.

  I understand. No matter what I'll never be a cheerleader or a star on the high school volleyball team like I wanted. I'll never remember the magic of my "first date", or prom or other typical teenage/childhood things. That magic of not really worrying about anything but homework, finals, and the cute boy in math class. It is a loss I've had to grieve over for years now.

  But in that grief, I've also learned there are things that I can do with a childish perspective. When I play sports, I do play with everything I have. I cheer my team mates like a little girl screaming and yelling. I've found my encouragement actually is infectious and before you know it, the whole team is playing like a bunch of kids. It's rather funny. Then we celebrate with a slushy at Sonic...just like when we were kids. Granted, we are slower and have a few more aches and pains, but it's the attitude with which you play, not necessarily the young muscles.

  Christmas is huge in our family. Not so much the presents, but the getting together and playing games, tasting treats, licking the bowls, snuggling next to the fireplace and reading a story. Drinking hot cocoa with huge marshmallows on top and dipping a cookie in it. Family is what's important in our holidays. I hope to pass that down to my children someday.

  I think we can do what we've always wanted to do, it's just up to us how far we're going to take it. When you meet an elderly person that has lived an amazing life, is it really WHAT that person has accomplished that makes him/her so attractive? Or is it the attitude they lived their life with? That ornery vibrant twinkle in their eye? My great-grandmother is like that. The woman is 97 years young...the orneriest, silliest, funniest person in my family. She acts more like a kid than most of her great and great-great grandkids.

  Andi - hoping to be an ornery, vibrant, twinkle-eyed person for the next 65 years.
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  Darth Yhwh

  I wholeheartedly agree Big Dog. The only consolation that I have is that I enjoy a vicarious childhood through my own children.

  One thing for certain, when my children display a particular skill or gift I will do everything in my power to give them the tools, training, experience, or education required to help them advance or thrive.
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  ChrisVance

  I agree 100%. I started college at age 50 and am about to finish my master's degree. But like you say it's not the same. For one thing I don't have a full life ahead of me to build a career based on my college degrees. I'd like to do a Ph.D. but at age 55 I wonder if it's worth it.