My Escape

Joel Wideman

My mother was Roman Catholic and, it turns out, mentally ill. She was rushed into marriage when my father got her pregnant with me. He was also Catholic, a sailor, and an alcoholic.

When my father was going to be sent to Vietnam, my mother threatened to kill me and herself. She was convincing enough to get my father out of the Navy on a hardship discharge.

I am a bit lacking in knowledge of the chronology, but it would be shortly after this that she was visited by Jehovah's Witnesses. They had the answers to all her questions. She threw out my father's family heirlooms (crosses) and became baptised.

I remember 1975 very well. I remember being huddled in a hotel room with my mother. The WTS (Watchtower Society) had been saying, in the name of God, that 1975 was The End. The convention that we had just attended would be the last one. She spent the entire night crying. To this day, I can only speculate why.

Eventually, the WTS claimed that they had never made a prophecy, only a suggestion that individual JWs had jumped to conclusions. Unlike many, my mother remained a JW. I think, because she was already prone to mental illness, that this was what started her decent into madness. Slowly she changed. She threw herself into being a JW with new energy.

My father, struggling with both his own problem and with trying to keep his marriage together, started going to meetings. That didn't last long. I think he knew he had a drinking problem, and knew that he wasn't the only one. (JWs have serious trouble with the 12-step program)

Eventually my father got tired of moving his whole family to escape the WTS, so he moved by himself. I understand why he HAD to do this, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. My parents divorced some point along the way. I think my father had to claim he cheated on her, since the WTS wouldn't allow her to remarry otherwise. (Not that she ever has, thank God for not subjecting anyone else to THAT emotional rollercoaster.)

I didn't see my father for two or three years. When I saw him again, I didn't know who he was. I can only imagine how much that hurt him. He tried to reestablish a relationship with me, but I don't think he knew how. He told me a lot of things that I now know to be true, but I didn't believe him.

I think that, unofficially, I was "marked" by others in the congregation because of my father. The Elders certainly seemed to keep a close eye on me, despite other youths needing more attention. My only friend during this time was a Methodist kid at school who refused to judge me. I regret not treating him the same way, but he never let it affect our friendship.

The WTS way of handling child molesters is to sweep it under the carpet. I was never abused by any JWs. I'll leave the victim stories to the ones who were. And I knew a lot of them. I think the understanding that the vilest pieces of human garbage were called "members in good standing" was what sowed the first seed of doubt.

Through the next few years, I had horrible nightmares about Satan, which led to my insomnia (which I still suffer from, despite learning the real nature of nightmares). Whenever there was something said during the public talks that I found Orwellian (and there was a lot during this period) I became afraid of MY OWN THOUGHTS. This internal conflict began causing me physical pain. It gave me an excuse to stay home from meetings, and an excuse to avoid the conflict.

I had started writing, but I put this aside as "worldly". I deeply regret this particular choice.

I didn't get baptised when others my age were doing it. I seem to respond negatively to peer pressure. If everyone is doing something, I am least likely to do it. I've watched many of the others in my peer group leave shortly after baptism. I think I was afraid it would happen to me too.

Meanwhile, my mother was becoming increasingly delusional. Any time a new illness made the news, she got it. And so did I. I got my spine "adjusted" by chiropractors and my feet rubbed by biokinesiologists. I went from one psychologist to another, on the premise of reconciling my parents' divorce (a fact of life I had accepted long ago) But the moment the psychologist learned I was a JW, it was off to another.

We moved out of the city. I think because my mother got tired of being harassed by the Elders. (Seeking mental help was frowned upon.) New congregation, new school, same problems. I had already been held back twice (once for immaturity in first grade, and once for attendance in 8th) and when I missed a few days due to legitimate illness, the school expelled me over a clerical error. (Long story short: the movie "Pump Up the Volume" could have been about my school)

I'd say my life really changed May 20, 1988. I turned 18. I had spent my entire childhood thinking that "this system" would end before I was an adult. It had to! I had no trade. No skills. I was entirely dependant on my mother. Why would God - through the WTS - tell me to do NOTHING BUT go out in "field service" if this meant that I'd be utterly unable to survive?

I decided that God was punishing me. I had missed so many meetings. Field Service was impossible for me because of the aforementioned conflict issue. I wasn't baptised. Clearly, I was reaping what I had sown. I "fell away". I didn't stop believing any doctrines, I simply stopped thinking about them. I know it was a cop-out, but I hadn't exactly learned any coping skills.

I tried to get into college, but I did a very stupid thing. I gave my mother the forms to mail. She "lost" them. She managed to talk me into getting a job that turned out to be as a scab at a local factory. (I'm probably still blackballed.)

I then worked at another job that was back in the city and away from her. But I did something stupid and ended up back with her, and jobless. (I guess it was delayed maturity. It was the sort of stupid thing I would have done 3 years earlier, had I been more normal.)

My mother finally did the only good thing she's ever done for me (though her motives were not with my best interest in mind). She kicked me out. My father outdid her though. He got me an apartment and a job, all in one day.

I was free, but I was lonely. There was a Kingdom Hall right down the street. The WTS prints stories from people who have returned. They are always warmly welcomed with open arms, yadda yadda yadda. That's the propaganda. The reality is that they act like they are afraid of you.

So I never went back. Well, not to that one. I revelled in the freedom of noone telling me what to think. I met a Catholic girl and quickly fell in love. My proposal was the most emotionally painful thing I'd ever done, for a lot of reasons.

Note that I hadn't yet decided that the WTS was a lie. My wife really takes the book of Ruth to heart: "for where you go I will go" So, as the blind leads the blind, I got her into the JWs. She's baptised, but now inactive. I'll let her tell her story when she's ready.

I've supported my new family in whatever way I could, including joining the Navy. I've met a lot of people in there who were fleeing cults, including the WTS. Sadly, I saw a lot of people go right on to another cult, whether they came from one or not. (For the curious, I was an SH. Ship's Serviceman. In laymen's terms, I've run the laundry, barbershop, and retail store.)

While finishing up my tour, I got hurt very badly in a stupid accident. Not a "war wound". Not "friendly fire". I fell down stairs. I hit every single one of 20 steel steps with my hip. Ten years later and I'm still in pain, but I can walk.

Now my wife works to support me and I have found solice in writing. I am fascinated by the human mind and how it can lie to itself, so a lot of my writing reflects that. The nightmares that use to torment me now provide my inspiration. I don't have much, but I am grateful for what I have.

My mother, by contrast, is a devout JW. And she's stark raving mad. She's been in and out of psychiatric care more times than I can count. Before they found the right dosage of anti-psychotic medication, she would often believe that her friends - JW friends! - were possessed by demons and trying to poison her. I now understand some incidents, and some of her bizarre mannerisms, from my childhood a lot better. (She would refer to anything demonic as "weird". The demons themselves were "them". Once you figure out the code, her crazy talk makes a lot more sense. Only not.)

As a writer, especially with what I write, I do a lot of research. I've learned what makes a person believe a lie. I've learned what all cults tend to have in common, and why people get sucked into them. But I never thought to apply any of it to the WTS.

On behalf of a friend (I consider all the writers I correspond with my friends. Extending the hand of friendship non-judgementally is very important to me), I went over some research into LDS, or Mormons. While going over the material, I couldn't help but recognize disturbingly familiar patterns. I applied the "mind-manipulating checklist" to the WTS.
(http://www.csj.org/infoserv_articles/langone_michael_checklis.htm)

At about the same time, I came across the news that the WTS was suing http://quotes.watchtower.ca/ I wondered what they had to hide. So I, naturally, had to read it.

Damned by their very own words. I should not have to reproduce them here, and it wasn't any one single thing. It was a great many things. Some of it is stuff I remember thinking "That's odd." when I first saw it 20 years ago.

The whole thing has left a bitter taste in my mouth. To understand that one has been lied to their entire life is very painful. To understand that one has been had, hook, line, and sinker, for so long, is humiliating. I would not wish this upon anyone. But it is unavoidable. Reading the exit stories of people who left various cults has shown me that our stories differ only in details. Once the genie is out of the bottle, it doesn't want to go back in. Sadly, not everyone survives leaving a cult.

My prayers are with all those still trapped, and especially with those who know it.

Joel Wideman

Yikes! It had line breaks when I wrote it, I swear!

misanthropic

Maybe a Mod will break this up also.....? I have glasses on but this one is making my eyes cross

Welcome Joel, if this gets broken up I will be back to read it through again I promise!

Simon

Don't worry, that's the software. Are you using Firefox/Mozilla or a Mac? BTW: Welcome to the forum

MerryMagdalene

I appreciate your story, Joel, and look forward to hearing more from you on the forum! Was it your learning about what is going on with the WTS against Quotes that brought you here?

I feel the same way about having been "had" by the WTS, but more for my family than for myself because they are still in it.

I'm just now reading Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz and didn't think it would affect me as strongly as it has. (Thanks, Prophecor, for sending me your copy.)

~Merry

Nathan Natas

Hi Joel,

Welcome! You have a Private Message.

To open it, go to the top of this page and click the line that says

Inbox (1 new messages)

avishai

Welcome!! And yeah, your one heck of a good writer!!!!

Pole

Through the next few years, I had horrible nightmares about Satan, which led to my insomnia (which I still suffer from, despite learning the real nature of nightmares). Whenever there was something said during the public talks that I found Orwellian (and there was a lot during this period) I became afraid of MY OWN THOUGHTS. This internal conflict began causing me physical pain.

I can relate to that.

Welcome to the board, Joel!

Pole

alw

Welcome to the board Joel - very insightful life - but a needed one to be told. Thanks!! Look forward to more of your writings. alw

Big Dog

Welcome Joel, sadly an all to familiar story. I think you'll find a lot of support here.

My Escape

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