by kid-A 35 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
Mouthy, bless your heart! Your post filled up an empty space in me. It's what I'd always hoped to hear from my own mother, and from my late grandmother.
I know that, like you, they thought they were offering me paradise. They didn't intend to harm me.
Love,
Jankyn
I don't resent my mother for joining. I resent her for thinking what was best for her was best for me. I resent her for using the Jehovah crutch to control me. I resent her for using the bible as validation for beating the 5hit out of me, even if I had done nothing to deserve it. I think the biggest thing I resent her for now is telling me I turned out so intelligent because I was raised by bible principles. I also resent her because she told me to my face that she only hit me once during my childhood. That's a fucking lie and she knows it. However, she tries to validate herself by saying "I changed my ways when I joined the truth." What a pile of horseshit.
My parents do the phoning. My visits with them are brief. They hate each other and it's a very negative atmosphere over there. But her marriage is apparently good because she abides by bible principles, and is setting an excellent example for me by staying in a loveless marriage.
Eh, I have mixed feelings. I resent having to choose between mom and dad. Mom converted, and dad didn't. When she left the catholic church, it deflated dad. He left the Knights of Columbus, he stopped christmas, he stopped caring. I am angry with myself for choosing mom over him.I'm more angry at myself for not getting out until he died. I wish I never took my children to the kh. I wish I knew then what I know now. Come to think about it, it's not mom I have resentment towards, it's the society. Someone posted earlier, about if their parents were intelligent it would be different. Not that my mom is not smart, but she is simple at times. Believes this is what god wants from her. It tore our family apart, to this day it has lasting effects. So I changed my mind from mixed, to no, I don't resent mom.
Hope my ramblings came across ok.
I used to have a lot of anget towards my parents concerning this. But there is no reason too. They don't know any better. This is there world and the WT has them brainwashed thinkin this is the best for me. I would never try to get my parents out the WT. They are much older than most parents with kids my age and I don't think they would be able to take it outside of that cult. Me. I'm still young so its different.
I am not angry. I don't know what I feel compasion perhaps? I came to this site approx 6months or so ago, and learned a few things that helped finalize my decision, and then left it at that. However upon my return I am seeing more things, and am disturbed, angry, sad and have even broke down to crying. I am angry that my parents as smart as they are, can follow this so blindly. I am angry as I feel like i have my hands tied behind my back. My brothers are still in, and my folks have adopted a beautiful baby girl, who will is well on her way in following suit. I am thankful however, to have stubled upon this site, and see the empathy and knowledge being passed around. I truly hope one day I can meet some of you. I feel alone in this endevour to undo whats been done. Though my girlfriend is behind me, she only understands a small fraction. I want to share the knowledge of what I am finding out with those I love dearly. But am scared. Just when I thought I could handle all of this, it comes crumbling down again.
I get the odd pang of resentment but its usually fleeting. They did it because they thought they were doing the right thing at the right time, what parent wouldn't? the dogma, the "You'll live forver on paradise" to me now it resembles Fundamentalist Islamic teachings!!
What i do resent is the way my mum feels, after my folks got divorced, my dad got DF'ed (wtg dad) and this blew the family apart, (this was about 8 years ago) My eldest sister is still in the troof and loves it, my mum was treated with contempt that she couldn;t keep my dad as a husband and on the straight and narrow! And she beleived it to this day that it was all her fault!! I mean come on mother dearest, are you that naive? You can't speak to her about this because she says your attacking her, she hasn't really moved on emotionally from it either, and would still go to the meetings but she can;t cope with all the "happy familys" there. I'm glad i live on this side of the world and she lives on the other so i don;t have ot deal with this nonsense! My dads still a player though, and loves it! I hae a grudging respet for him because he taught me to stand up for myself, where as mother dearest would of had me horse whipped if it would of made another brother or sister happy!
