I have alot of questions

MrsBee

My husband is a d'fed JW and I think he is gonna try and make his way back there he has an enormous amount of guilt , which as I have read here is normal..

They Dont Believe in Fate? (long story short, we were high school sweethearts, didnt see each other since Xmas 1993 even though we lived in the same city then he ran into my mother Xmas 2003, while I lived in Charlotte and he was here in Maryland, I moved back to maryland 3 weeks later and we were married 7 months after that- I believe in fate, I dont think its far fetched to believe that GOD has a plan for everyone)

Why do they not participate in their communities?

Why is it that they portray GOD as this evil vindictive presence where if you dont do what he wants you are doomed to death, but doesnt believe that he teaches you lessons because he is a loving GOD who would never want you to hurt?

Havent they been using that the world is getting bad/worse since their inception??

I read that they think that Cigarettes have something to do with SPIRITSM..Is that True?

Is Crisis of Conscience a good book for me even though I have never been a JW?

How can he be married to me and love me as much as he does and not think about that if youre not a JW youre not going to survive Armageddon. Is he not worried about that?

He always says to me that your conscience is your bible based knowledge, do all of them think that??

Sorry about all the questions, Im worried about losing my husband..and I dont want to push or pull to hard as to push him back towards them, I love him and I just need him to know and understand that and that even though I dont accept his "religion" as long as he doesnt let them come in our marraige that we are ok..Is that possible ??

carla

I'm sorry to welcome you to the club of ubm's (unbelieving mates). But, welcome to the board! You will find much support and many who can answer your questions. If I were you I would order or buy the Crisis of Conscience ( the C of C) book, NOW! I am married to someone who in the recent past has become baptized. I am not nor have ever been jw. In my experience, the marriage changes dramatically. As does the man/woman who becomes a jw. You may also want to check out some of Steve Hassan's books on mind control. It was a strange comfort to learn about the jdub smile, for instance, that was a facial expression I had never seen before in him. I've known him for over 20+ years. In Hassan's books it will tell how mind control will affect your husband in ways you never knew could happen. Or you think was only your imagination. If you can get him to look at the C of C book before he goes back you may have a chance of keeping him out. Or all the flip flops, child molsestation problems, etc.... Your marriage and relationship, I believe will change. Everything from what you watch on tv, to holidays, to your private sex life which is no longer private, to his judgemental attitude towards everybody else. The one thing I think I did do right through all this crap was never, ever, ever let my children step foot in a hall!!!! They are also aware of some of the more insane doctrines, pedophile issues, unchristian attitudes, discouragement of higher education, mental health issues, etc....etc.....

One bit of advice, don't call it a cult to his face. And they tend to get real annoyed when you let them know jehovah is not correct and that any vowel could be inserted jivhihi, juhaveh, etc... and you would not be grammatically damaging the name at all. Never mind that they already admitted it is not ther correct pronunciation. Oh, I could go on for hours. Start researching, simply type in exjw or start at Freeminds and then go the many links.

I am truly sorry. I wish you all the best. Get busy researching!

carla

AlmostAtheist

How can he be married to me and love me as much as he does and not think about that if youre not a JW youre not going to survive Armageddon. Is he not worried about that?

A JW always hopes that the people he cares about that are not JW's will become JW's at some point. The bible says that non-believers may be "won without a word" by the conduct of the believer. So he will always have in the back of his mind that perhaps someday you will think, "Wow, my husband is so happy all the time, all his friends have such love among themselves. I'll have to check this out for myself" and you ultimately become a JW.

Of course, they actually chase people away with the very conduct that they think is so attractive. Ironic, eh?

I also recommend Crisis of Conscience. You won't "get" all of it, but there's plenty there that you don't need to be a JW to understand.

A great web site to roam around in is http://quotes.watchtower.ca the owner of which is currently being sued by the Watchtower for quoting their literature. You'll see quotes from the Watchtower and other of their publications showing their changing doctrines, failed prophecies, and so forth.

There are several folks on the board with JW spouses, hopefully they'll pile on here and help you navigate your way through.

(And yes, they tie cigarettes to spiritism, since the Bible's term for spiritism [so say the Watchtower, I've never looked into it] is derived from/related to/the same as "druggery". Why this doesn't also exclude the use of cold medicines has never been explained to me!)

Dave

MrsBee

*sigh*

So the hope of having a happy marraige and keeping those fools out of my house is just wishful thinking huh?

He will NOT read anything religious if it doesnt come from them. He said to me one time, you know me, u think I would join something I didnt research thouroughly ? If he would have researched like I did, he would have NEVER stepped into another KH.. I didnt find out about how bad they were until I had another friend (he was my boyfriend about 8 years ago) he was in college and he got sucked into the International Church of Christ..Which OMG was a little worse because they made him move out of the dorms and move in with them... But JW's Iguess when you are missing something in your life..It can seem like its the right thing. He had a very rough childhood and early adulthood and his ex girlfriend kept telling him they couldnt get married until she was reinsitated and he got baptised and then not until he became a Ministers Servent or whatever its called..I dont know.. But he is a stubborn individual, and I want to allow him to do it if it makes him feel good, but if its going to destroy my marraige then i will fight like the old Mike Tyson to at least try and save my life, He keeps saying, im not going to change, just wait and see.. yeah OK, I have seen people I wasnt married to change at the drop of a pen... I will just wait, but my son WILL NOT step foot in that place..They dont even have Sunday School to teach children about God and Jesus on their level..that Disgusts me

OldSoul

Don't worry about all the questions. You are barely scratching the surface. And your thinking on each is correct, you have gottent the right idea of what they teach.

On this question: Why do they not participate in their communities?

I would say, they believe they do. Most of them sincerely believe they do. If you asked them, they would point to their volunteer "educational" work as a community service. They believe that they are helping people improve their lives by teaching them God's principles.

I'm sure you see the glaring flaws in that thinking, so I am not going to bore you by pointing them out.

Respectfully,
OldSoul

Big Dog

I've seen it work, my sister is a dub and her husband isn't and never was and they have been married and pretty happy for 25 years. From what I have seen in their case the key was my brother-in-law laid down the ground rules right from the get go. He would not interfere with her worship in any way, but he didn't want to be preached to, by her or anyone from the hall and he was not going to change what he did, ie. christmas etc. They don't have any kids and that probably made it easier, but on a positive note, it can be done, my advice is just lay down the rules right from the beginning in a loving but firm way.

GetBusyLiving

MrsBee, my sincere condolences. You're gonna get tons of great advice from people who really know the subject of JW mind control and living with a Dub.. at least you've come to the right place. There is still hope for your husband.

GBL

Finally-Free

He will NOT read anything religious if it doesnt come from them.

There are plenty of contradictions, lies, and flip-flops in their own literature. They apostasize against their own teachings regularly, and their own literature is the best weapon against them.

http://quotes.watchtower.ca is a great site to find many of these, and there are plenty of scans of their literature.

W

MrsBee

Thanks Big Dog, that made me smile like this ..

Another question - Why do they think that people who get excited in church, raise their hands up, sing loud and are happy are not genuine, he always says that they are showing off

I mean I will say that my husband will listen to Joel Osteen with me, read his book with me, I bought him a 51" TV for his birthday, we celebrated all holidays since we have been back together, and I LOOOOOOVE holidays :) and he knows that, and I just think about things like him not buying me a gift on the DAY of my B-Day but the day before or after just so its not a Birthday present is just ignorant as hell , I mean its STILL for my birthday and you know it.. I mean, basically what they are saying is that birth isnt specail.. I just get so mad at some of the things they believe I just want to bite something..LOLOLOL

JH

Why do they not participate in their communities?

They see it as a waist of time, since the world will be destroyed.

I have alot of questions

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