My daughter and her grandparents

by kwintestal 38 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  kwintestal

  Since I talked to my father after my disfellowshipping and he hung up on me, I haven't talked to my mom or dad. Last month when we were in Ontario I talked to my uncle and aunts about how my parents are treating us (shunning) and we got a lot of support from them, and they can't understand why my mom and dad would treat us like that. Anyway, my 7 year old daughter overheard the conversations, even though I was trying to keep the situation away from her as I don't think a child really needs to know all the details of the situation.

  On the drive home out of the blue my daughter says she wants to call my parents, so we ask why? She wanted to call them up and say, "If you're going to treat my parents like dirt, then you might as well treat me like dirt too."

  We talked about the situation with her, and agreed it best if we not call them now to tell them that. Well, for the last week my daughter has been requesting to call again. It must have been really eating at her and she really misses her grandparents, so we agreed to let her call but that she couldn't bring up certain topics. We gave her privacy for her call, but as I walked past the stairs to the room I heard that was the topic that she brought up. Stubborn like me! Anyway, after she got that out of her system they had a good conversation for about 1/2 an hour.

  After the call though, my daughter was quite upset. She cried for almost an hour because my parents refused to come visit her. Now, for the past day or so, she talks about calling them back and telling them that "Jesus ate with sinners" even though she knows we did nothing wrong, but just to hopefully make them see that even if we were doing something wrong, they could eat with us and see us. I feel so sad for her. I've been down the last few days myself because of it.

  Kwin
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  Kwin, I totally sympathize with you. Zach (my 7 year old) does the exact same thing with his JW grandparents. He wants to call and tell them that 'since you are disfellowshipping my dad, I am going to disfellowship you.' I try to explain that it won't help, that they are only following the rules they've been given. I told him that they *think* in most other areas of their lives, but when it comes to religion, they just do what they're told. Like a remote controlled car. The car doesn't do what it wants, even though it LOOKS like it's acting independantly. If somebody runs into you with one, you don't get mad at the car, you get mad at the guy controlling it.

  Zach seemed to buy that line of reasoning. But he's still pretty mad. At least he's nicely innoculated against ever being a JW!

  Take care, Bud.

  Dave
• 

  avishai

  ((((Kwin))))

  I had grandparents that dis some really messed up stuff while my mom was still a dub, and it ate me up, and I was 13-14. Hell, it still pisses me off. Sounds like you have a strong, and sensitve little one. Just keep letting her know she's loved, and how misguided they are. It'll still hurt, but she'll understand.
• 

  defd

  Kwin abviously your daughter is not disfellowshipped, right? (She cried for almost an hour because my parents refused to come visit her) Why dont they come visit her? It is not PROHIBITED by the FS to do so. That is a desicion your PARENTS have made, not an ORDER from the FS. Sounds like to me your parents have fallen into the PHARISAIC trap. Not dogging your parents, I dont know them. That is a sad situation. If I were you I would LOOK up the RULES around dealing with family members who are disfellowshipped and send it to your parents. I am CERTAIN, you will not find ANYTHING that promotes the shunning of your child. And maybe, just maybe that will open the eyes of you parents and they will change. Wouldnt you like that to happen?
• 

  avishai

  Sounds like the daughter is actually standing up for what's right, defd
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  If I were you I would LOOK up the RULES around dealing with family members who are disfellowshipped and send it to your parents. I am CERTAIN, you will not find ANYTHING that promotes the shunning of your child

  You're right, Defd. But the problem is that the grandparents truly, honestly believe that the grandchildren are now in line for death at Armageddon. They decide not to become too attached to their grandchildren, since they don't want to suffer the loss of them later.

  I'm not just making this up. That is precisely the reasoning my inlaw's are using to avoid contact with my kids and my sister-in-law's kids.

  There's more to JW's than the official rules. There's also the culture. For instance, there's no "rule" that says you shouldn't save for retirement, but how many JW's fail to save because they expect the end any day now? Just one example.

  Dave
• 

  coolhandluke

  Wow. First time I'm gonna have to back Derrick. Your daughter isn't disfellowshipped. In the congregation as I remember it there was a great deal of admonition NOT to allow the children to feel the pain of their parents decisions by making sure that they felt as though they were still members of the congregation. In fact, people made a point to reach out to my sisters children when she was df'd. Your parents have their wires crossed and appear to be making blanket decisions that shield their emotions instead of reaching out to a child who obviously needs/craves/misses their attention.
• 

  Legolas

  ((((((((Kwin and Family))))))
• 

  mouthy

  I am CERTAIN, you will not find ANYTHING that promotes the shunning of your child. And maybe, just maybe that will open the eyes of you parents and they will change. Wouldnt you like that to happen

  DF You evidently dont realize when the WT says" BAD ASSociation Spoils useful habits."They mean STAY AWAY!!!!!! from those who the WT has judged as bad!!!! So HOW can the Grand parent visit the kids if the parents a dubbed Bad!!!! ( By the WT)
• 

  defd

  Sounds like the daughter is actually standing up for what's right, defd

  
  Exactlly and that is my point. As an ACTIVE JW, I know that what kwins parents are doing is wrong. From what he wrote,of course. I know Jehovah God and Jesus are not pleased with them for it. They OBVIOUSLY have not done there research on the subject of how to deal with Disfellowshipped family. It is not the Slaves fault, it is the Parents. That is why I have not or will not leave, because I KNOW that MANY people misinterpret the Slaves counsil. What I do is exactly what I sugested to Kwin. LOOK it up and talk to them about it. That may help them get on the right track again.