Please don`t read if you are a current witness and have doubts.

by void 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • void
    void

    Well I am new to the board, I have faded away from the Truth Lies about 6 years ago. It still has an effect on me today, so much so I gave the warning in the title.

    This is because one of the things drilled into me, was that its far worse to lead a member of the flock away. As much as I hate that organization, I don’t want to tempt fate to much.

    As a fader, and I am sure some of you have the same complications, due to family you can never discuss what you are actually thinking.(and you don’t want to go down the DA route) This is identifiably the sole reason I left. Although I hated preaching etc., and had doubts, which could of been resolved. I just couldn’t cope with the whole "You can only free your mind of doubts if you read more, let jehover to guide you..." as the answers to my questions were not even included in any book. Till now I cant talk to my mother about it, I am quite a good son, my only intent in life is to do good to other, since I left the WT, I have become far less materialistic, due to college and a desire to learn about the world we live in. The only thing enrages me in life is being lied to and having a conversation about the "Truth".

    I have lots of stories to tell, but I don’t want to cover too much in my introduction.

    Formation of doubts, most are scientifically related, not so much the science but how the old bitches would answer in the hall like, "those scientists, thinking they know more than Jehovah. We have it so good here, eating form his divine table." Although it was a long standing problem for me regarding creation, only until now I have been about to conceptualize it. Eventually I grew up to be a scientist, I know the same people treat me in a vague kind of contempt.

    My belief in creation:

    God used evolution as a tool(I know some forms of ID teach this) I hate all that 6/7 days crap, days of years, day = 1000 year....what ever number fits their logic suits them at the time. I am trying to put it in a way my mother would understand. But as so as I say the word evolution, I am talking like an apostate.

    Well here it goes, If a baker gets all the ingredients, flour, water, yeast, mixes them together, puts them together and puts them in the oven. Who was the breads creator? The oven or the baker? If you would think of evolution and the earth as the oven, DNA as the ingredients. The bread as the final products humans etc, Jehovah put it all in motion and it follows a natural cycle. So much so the argument "you don’t see things evolving now" is mute because we could be at the end of the cooking cycle. I think this is a pretty reasonable argument, but no luck so far.

    Some current issues I have but will expound upon later,

    Never had a Sheparding call, despite playing incessantly for help.

    Used to pass the time in the hall thinking of different ways to kill people(despite being a pacifist)

    My school bully was accepted into the hall with open arms, made feel like a king, I should show reverence to him, "such a fine example". While me a long standing member was repeated ignored, even when I was reaching out.

    In the late 1980`s I distinctly remember being reprimanded for asking "I don't think it is ok to be so forgiving, no matter if the person is honestly repentant if he raped somebody daughter" yet 17 year later I am being preached to by my mother about the whole abuse issue, "how wonderful gods organization is for exposing this at the proper time..." So in the 1980 my thinking is wrong but now it is correct. Well if I a 12yo can spot this, why cant the 12 liers at the top spot this earlier since they are being directed by god. I was never sexually abused, but I was hit by the

    Well my intro is lacking direction. But all I really want to say is that here, this bbs is a fine resource. I have read about 2000 threads in the last month. I get the impression most people here are very intelligent and it really comes out in their writing skills. Well I am dyslexic (actualy dysphraxic almost the same condition) so my writing is just garbage and lacks any kind of flow. I hope to post a bit more, but this fucking Pavlov’s dogs conscious I have pisses me off, just because it has been ingrained in m e that my questions are apostate and woooooah now I am talking with some.

    Parting questions: why is it that society loves scientists when they can find something to substantiate 607 but hate the same ones for carbon dating dinosaurs?

  • Oroborus21
    Oroborus21

    Hey there Void,

    Just wanted to welcome to the Forum since this is your first post. Wow read 2000 threads? that's probably more than most.

    Don't worry about the dysphraxia thing here, people will understand what you mean. And besides people on the NET stopped playing grammar/spelling police about 1995 when all the Generation Yers (Generation Why?) who can't spell worth a damn anyway came online.

    -Eduardo Leaton Jr., Esq.

    of the Generation X-class.

  • void
    void

    Thanks Oroborus.

    Yes, well over 2000 threads, almost the whole site, although I have left 6 years ago, I have rarely ever mentioned to people I was a JW before. A hand full of people know. But I had never sought out talking with apostate ha ha, my conscious see. But about a month ago I found this site. As I had the guilt trip thrown at me over not even at least going to the momorial I was reading the official website, you know. But I googled instead and came here. I much say in the 2000 posts, I feel I identify with almost everybody. Experiences growing up, what happened others in the hall, songs I hate, songs I can’t get out of my head, rudderford/rustle... I spend about 4 hours a day reading and cant stop.

  • steve2
    steve2

    Hey there void and welcome. It is great to see you posting on this forum. It is always good to see people come forward, especially after they've already spent considerable time thinking through various issues and prepared to think beyond the prescribed explanations.

  • arwen
    arwen

    Welcome to the board! Most of us are walking wounded here and have scars that are hidden well...It is such a relief to be able to come here and find friends that truly understand and identify with us. I hope you will continue to post and read as each person's story is unique but very similar and it gives us the encouragement we need to keep our senses when we feel that we are the only one that has lived in the insane world of JW's.

  • diamondblue1974
    diamondblue1974

    Welcome to the forum Void....you are in good company; most of us here have had similar experiences to you and it will be great to hear more from you.

    Again welcome....

    DB74

  • luna2
    luna2

    Welcome to the board, void. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

  • riotgirlpeeps
    riotgirlpeeps

    Welcome to the board, I don't have answers to those questions you asked they weren't major reasons for me leaving, but I'm sure someone has asked the same questions as you.

    Again, welcome.

  • TheListener
    TheListener

    Welcome void.

    Great first posts. I look forward to seeing some of your input on various discussions.

  • OldSoul
    OldSoul

    Welcome!!

    Post questions, comments, frustrations, concerns, and whatever else strikes your fancy. If we need you to clarify something you write, we'll ask.

    I am looking forward to your questions. They are the only weapons you have against "this f***ing Pavlov’s dogs [conscience]." Ask enough questions and eventually you'll stop pissing yourself when they ring the bell.

    Respectfully,
    OldSoul

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