~How did/do you personally feel about the headship arrangement?~

FlyingHighNow

I feel that headship is one of the most damaging doctrines taught in the WTBTS as well as other fundy religions. It is promoted as a way to have happier, healthier marriages and families. In theory, maybe so. But in reality, I believe it sets up a husband for unrealistic expectations from his wife and children and women in general. It does the same thing with women to a point, but it is my feeling that wives and children lose the most in respect and personal freedoms. And men lose, if they are the type to beat their wives and children over the heads with headship, because they lose the natural relationships that should thrive in healthy marriages and families.

Please give your views and discuss. Healthy discussion of this subject could be very healing for all of us.

OldSoul

I like it. I eagerly submit to her headship . Of course, we made ours up by a contract ...did you have a specific one in mind?

Seriously: I think the "headship arrangement" (Copyright Watchtower Bible and Tract Society™, All Rights Reserved) is just another example of misunderstood scripture interpretted through the misogynistic filter of a patriarchical male-domination mind set.

OldSoul

Terry

I'm very tempted to say that anybody foolish enough to allow another person to lead them around in a personal relationship deserves to be led around.

The smarter led by the deficient and the strong led by the weak JUST BECAUSE OF GENDER? Beyond silly.

In life, people generally get what they allow themselves to deserve. Not being "allowed" the self-esteem to self-direct your very own life is irrational, neurotic and just plain elitist.

Why do women buy into it? I genuinely believe women want to think they can be successfully pastured through life in the hands of a "greater" power. But, it doesn't take long for them to figure out very few men are up to the job.

T.

Lady Lee

Well I hated it. I had one of those husbands who used the scriptures to control, manipulate and abuse.

I tried to go along with parts of it and I could see that some men would not abuse their power.

I think a lot of women are still taught that we need a man to "take care" of us. And we hope that if we "love" them enough everything will be OK. I put up with it as long as I did (15 years) because I

thought he would change
God would give me the strength to endure
I was scared of dying at Armageddon
I didn't realize I could leave
I had kids and didn't want them to see us fight (they never did) mind you I never did fight - just silently accepted it all

Quentin

Sadly the headship issue is not confined to the WTBS. It's alive and well all around us. When I was young my whole being was consumed with: Why isn't dinner on the table, why aren't the clothes washed, why isn't the house cleaned, can't you put her to bed I worked all day and I'm tired, get me a glass of tea, I make the money around her and any money you make is mine as well since I work fulltime, we'll do it my way....yadda, yadda, yadda...I was a buffoon and being a JW didn't make one bit of difference all it did was re-enforce my convuluted view of life.

jgnat

It is very hard for a woman to buck the cultural bias. There are some very brave women who have forged the trail before us. I have had the pleasure to know some of these ladies who were the FIRST to graduate from law school or business school, and believe me they paid the price. They gave up family and children to keep up with the "old boy's club". When I see these intelligent and prominent women shunted aside today, I shake my head. I mean, what kind of GUTS does it take to do what they did? They stand head and shoulders above their male counterparts.

Nowadays, nobody things twice about seeing a woman truck driver, lawyer, or doctor. This new generation does not have to forge a new path that no woman has passed before. It is easier for them to make inroads in these traditional profession. This next generation of women are changing the professions, I believe, for the better. My sister says doctors are starting to make sure they have a decent personal life along with the professional life.

I've asked immigrants about the difference "back home" and here in Canada. A cheerful cab driver explained it to me this way, "Here in Canada, she can leave you. If she leaves you she can go to work or go on social assistance and she can stand on her own two feet. I tell my buddies, I HAVE TO BE NICE TO MY WIFE, otherwise, I will be cooking and cleaning all by myself." Then he laughed hilariously. Here's a man who never bought in to the subjection garbage, and was genuinely grateful to be in a country that permitted him to treat his wife with respect.

I think the dynamics in our society have permanently changed the "headship" arrangement. All that ever really mattered was "who holds all the cards?" Religion, as usual, is taking a while to catch up to the changes.

candidlynuts

what the headship arrangement did for me, was give him (the now EX) the power to be a dictator, gave him all rights to any successes the children had within the congregation ( dramas , assembly parts, pioneering). the right to blame me publicly for anything he saw fit to put on MY shoulders. etc

early in our marriage he'd pull my hair and stick my face in the bible to make me read some stupidass scripture that calls the man " the husbandly owner" and listen to him screaming HE OWNS ME.

i wish i had the backbone i have now ,back then, he'd have been taking a laxative to pass that bible out of his behind!

Cygnus

Like I said in my other post, before I got married my JW dad gave me this advice: 'Your mother always did what she wanted with my approval; I never made any rules for her.'

Interestingly, when I brought up divorce to my then-wife almost 3 years ago, she exclaimed, "Well I want a Christian husband!" I never really understood her, because she was a lousy communicator, but I bet part of that exclamation was her complaining that I didn't "take the lead" very well in our marriage, which I didn't, the JW way anyway, cause I always thought that way was stupid. If that's what she wanted, I wasn't the one she should be with.

Satanus

When i was a jw, i thought it was stupid. That was because i saw how my dull father treated my mother and the rest of us. It might have been ok if he would have had a bit of insight. The idea of 'rolls' to play is tyranny on people who don't naturally fit them. They are not allowed to be themselves and must resort to acting, doing things against their nature. Even military life allows people to rise to levels near their natural abilities. Jehovah's theocratic warriors should return to the caves from which they emerged.

S

jgnat

My African friend says the traditional roles work well if the man is a good man. If he isn't well, it causes a great deal of grief. In her country, a mature "unattached" woman is assumed to be a whore.

~How did/do you personally feel about the headship arrangement?~

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