*scratches her head*
---going for a bowl of beans.
~How did/do you personally feel about the headship arrangement?~
by FlyingHighNow 38 Replies latest jw friends
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Rayvin
I like the arrangment with my new husband.. we both respect each other but in major decisions.. like.. How expensive we should go on a fridge. I may know the budget and suggest not so expensive.. but he may want More POWER and want the bigger one. Your the man.. get it then. It just means he has to work harder to pay it off. (and then i get the fridge w/ none of the blame) Plus.. if something goes wrong from one of his.. final decisions.. na na na na na nah... lol
We both love and respect each other and when we don't agree I don't disagree about it in front of the kids.. I let him have his say then later on and alone we discuss it. He may have valid points and reasons for what he did and i just needed to understand him..etc Same goes the other way as well. But I don't feel anyone has the right to tell you that you can't do something that you want to do. However, the need for discussion and understanding and compromise is a must.
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karen96
I always felt like the headship arrangement was like playing Jeopardy: Make sure your replies are in the form of a quesiton.
I hated it, mostly because my elder ex-husband was such a hypocrite. We had no kids, so whenever we had family study, he asked all the question and I was expected to answer them all. I wouldn't do it any more. I begged him to set up a sheparding call to discuss our problems, and he said "Elders shepard their own house, there are no shepards for them". He didn't want anyone to know our problems and lose his priviledges.
I wasn't allowed to ask where he had been in case he was at a JC meeting. That became a problem with me when my "wordly" sister and her family were visiting from out-of-town and he was supposed to meet us for dinner but didn't. When I got home, there was a note saying he had to meet with "Brother Jones". When I questioned him face-to-face, I could see him smirking and conniving at the same time: "I guess you can ask me where I was this time; but in the future you shouldn't ask why I am meeting a brother in case it's a judicial meeting. We were playing golf". What an @ss! I remember the night so clearly, it was the night that TWA flight crashed over Long Island. As I watched burning wreckage on TV, I decided to leave him and the org.
During my JC meeting, he tried to convice the brothers that he should be allowed to stay to hear what I said because he was the husband and an elder. Thankfully, they had material to show him he wasn't allowed. Trying to be the head until the end!
karen
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OldSoul
i wish i had the backbone i have now ,back then...
I wish I'd known you then, I have a hammer that would have done a nice job of backbone extraction on him...
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angel8
I hated it. I went to the spanish congregation and I always wondered if it was as bad in the english. I was stupid enough to go along with it in my first marriage and needless to say I am now divorced, I am such and independent person and can't even fathom the thought of being such a push over. My ex would come home late or not at all and I would just go along with it, he would say he was at work and I would call and he wasn't but I never quesioned him... I wonder now what I was thinking,because that would never fly now and I wasn't the type that would let it go then and the only conclusion that I have is that that is how they wanted it to be to set it up where MEN like elders could get away with S*&t by simply teaching the headship way, and it works they have manipulated many women to go with it. SAD!!!!!
As a side note first husband was an MS and was cheating on me! Now happily married and it's 50/50 on all decisions!
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buffalosrfree
I felt it was a bunch of s**t, Just another way to keep women down, sisters have to be afraid of saying s**t to an elder or ministerial servant, they don't want to speak over them. What a bunch of Hooey!!!
I'm male and I didn't like it one little bit, they the elders and Ms's try to use it to lord it over the men also,
Women are just as smart or at times more than smarter than men, I found this out many times in the service, I also saw the other side of the street. Nothing pissed me off as much as the condensending attitude of the elder and Ms's a bunch of window washing grass cutting assholes who think they have a hold on reality.
I have several daughters, and no bastard better try and Lord it over them, they have been taught from day one they are just as important in fact more important than a man, their ideas, and thoughts count also and should be given just as much consideration as a man's and to not take s**t off anyone no matter the anatomy of that person.
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young hearts, be free..
I have always had a intense dilike for the "headship" arrangement; I felt that it was a load of shit when I was a JW, and I still do. I remember looking at the lives of the women in the congregation and thinking just how dominated they must feel because of that policy.
I was fortunate in that my mother and my sisters weren't JW's so I had the chance to see how things really should be.....In spite of that though, I can recall numerous occasions that I tried to defend/explain the "headship" policy but still couldn't bring myelf to believe or agree with it....ah, the things we do when we allow ourselves to be lead by blind loyalty!!
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PaulJ
I understand why the WTBS go along with this- they will argue it is the 'original' arrangement for earth.
Perhaps in the past women have been brainwashed by society to expect to love and 'serve' a husband... im thinking in the 40's 50's and 60's.
What i believe is that men and women are equal. Ya see, in a lot of cases (not all, i know) but in general men tend to be more practially minded and women more emotionally minded- and to have a balanced society i think you have to have 50% of each.
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googlemagoogle
hate it. never understood how sisters could talk about it on stage without feeling abused.
[edited:] on the other hand, mrs whip's idea of headship i don't hate at all. sexy avatar btw.