Help!! Any advice?

toby888

Thanks Old Soul and others so much.. As a newbie I have so much to tell, but right now I must tell of my current situation. I am a "family head" and have a wife and son. I gradually realized the truth about the truth when my son kept asking really good questions I couldn't answer. I felt so bad, that it was my fault I coudn't get "satisfying answers". My feelings of inadequacy ( he wouldn't go to service anymore) led me to step down from my position. Eventually came upon a web post about the Evolution book. I was disgusted when I saw for myself Darwin deliberatly misquoted. I smelled a rat, and began to feel about the society like I did about my hypocritical Dad when I discovered nasty magazines in his dresser. After I thouroughly trashed the evolution book in my own research, I began refusing to accept anything the society says at face value. Now I know everything "they" don't want me to know. I also know how traumatic it was for me a few months ago, and I'm afraid if I back out too quick my son will lose it and make the wrong choices and fly into drugs. My wife and son know all about my troubles, and I told my son that if he decides the WT org is not for him, fine, but not to be too fast about leaving. I told him that in the world people have more freedom and so moral values run the gamut so he has to be much more choosy about the friends he chooses "in the world", meantime not to toss his close friends "in the truth" away entirely. Fortunatly he is not baptized, and I had the forsight not to home-school him, in the hopes that he won't be totally mal-adjusted. So I run the risk of being sucked back into the borg or being found out as long as I'm in, and if I leave now my son might lose it altogether.I'm frankly scared to death of attending the next assembly in a few weeks sometimes I think I'll go bonkers. Help.

BrendaCloutier

Toby, I have no advice

But I do have a hug for you (((( toby )))))

Legolas

Does your family know the truth about the 'truth'?

How old is your son? Not every teenager will run to drugs, do you have a reason to think that he will?

I would sit my family down and talk everything out with them and take it from there!

Cori

I can almost comprehend your feelings right now. Its like awakening in the Matrix, and looking down at all the still sleeping bodies. Realizing that all that crap that we've been fed for so long, is exactly that, CRAP! Try talking to your family about your feelings and discoveries. Things may not go off the deep end like you think.

THe best of luck to you and your family.

Cori

AlmostAtheist

Toby,

When I left the Watchtower, it was as an atheist. I told my wife (far too abruptly, I'm sure) that I not only didn't want to be a JW anymore (she was thrilled, as it turned out) but I also didn't believe in god anymore.

I didn't anticipate the fact that this would scare her. She immediately believed that I would go off and have affairs and do drugs and do anything else my flesh called for, since there was no god to answer to.

But I had no interest in doing things that would hurt me. The old rules of "god hates it" were replaced by "it's a bad idea, it hurts". Explain to your son WHY certain things are a bad idea. Kids (and people) are much more likely to obey something that makes sense rather than something that is just "right".

Good luck!

Dave

garybuss

Welcome to the forum. I read your post three times and I can't see the question. Exactly what is it you are seeking advise on?
As far as nasty magazines is concerned, the most nasty magazine I ever saw was a Watchtower magazine. I kept my nasty magazines on my coffee table.
I set a horrible example by trying to set a good example. In my opinion Jehovah's Witnesses is one of the most dangerous groups on the planet.

toby888

Guess what I'm after is if anyone else has been in a similar situation, and how they handled it. Worried about my son losing it because he has buddies at school that are users as he has told me. Looks like "being in the truth" wasn't much help for him, either. Thanks for asking me to think a little more.

garybuss

Hi Toby, Jehovah's Witnesses were a LOT more destructive to my sons and to my family than any friends at school. Bad elements at school and in the neighborhood has to be a concern, but the Jehovah's Witnesses will lead your son to death if they have their way and they will direct everybody they can control, including your children, to shun and snub you. The biggest threat is often that which you trust.
Associating with the Jehovah's Witnesses won't stop your son from experimenting with drugs or ethanol. It's easy for me to commingle two separate issues in my mind. I think associating with a bad crowd is dangerous to your son. I think associating with the Jehovah's Witnesses is dangerous to your son. I don't think those two are related. If they are, tell me how.

Double Edge

Worried about my son losing it because he has buddies at school that are users as he has told me. Looks like "being in the truth" wasn't much help for him, either. Thanks for asking me to think a little more.

I've never been a dub, so I come from a different perspective. Don't be so afraid of your son being out in the "world"... the world has some cool people in it, even in modern-day high schools. Not everyone is into drugs. You've taught him right from wrong - he has his own standards to live up to - he'll find others with similar "minds" and attitudes if given the chance. There are still a lot of good 'kids' in the world, with heads on their shoulders - it seems as if that's another 'negative' that JWs have... their children never really get to explore and find the 'worldly' kids with similar standards. Set by example... he'll see that your 'freedom' has made you stronger, better and more positive, and he'll want to emulate that. Trust yourself, and your son.

my 2 cents..

D.E.

Mulan

Your response to everything is very typical, and is just how I felt too.

We did a slow fade over a period of about 3 years. We had a teenaged son (17) at the time, and he kept going to meetings for awhile, but also stopped when he overheard comments about us, and when an elder gave him a slap on the back for "staying faithful". Those things sickened him, because he knew us and that we were really good people. He didn't go off the deep end in drugs, but did join a church when he got to college, and fell in love with a Pastor's daughter. They are now married, and he is deeply entrenched there but it's his life, and while we wish he wasn't in another strict religion (non-denominational, but still a religion) it's his choice. He is not so naive that he feels we are lost because we aren't "born again" and he doesn't believe in Hell. He just doesn't talk about those things with his wife.

I guess you just have to hope for the best and be supportive of your child. You will soon learn that your friends are not unconditional, and won't be there when you stop going. It will be the same for your son. You still have "house rules" I'm sure, so just because you won't be enforcing JW dictum, doesn't mean everything is available for him.

Good job, so far. I am really happy you are learning the real truth.

Help!! Any advice?

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