Help!! Any advice? (page 2)

Bryan

(((((Toby)))))

I have never been in your situation, but I hope you find some clarity. Hopefully, your whole family sees the truth about the "truth".

Take care,

Bryan

Have You Seen My Mother

I don't know what kind of work you do, but would it allow you to move to another city where you don't have a history of association with JW's? A move won't solve all of your problems, but it is easier to make the transition when you are not going to run into your former JW associates.

As for teaching your son, he needs to understand that right and wrong are based on whether an action hurts someone else. Real morality is from the inside, not dictated from the outside. Most of us know when we are doing something wrong without someone else to tell us.

You can move slowly. If you are under pressure from the congregation, plead illness, family problems, or anything else to stave them off while you sort things out.

Best wishes. Welcome to freedom. Keep us posted. And hang in there!

SandraC

vitty

We stopped going about 18 months ago when my son was 16. I was very afraid of him going on the wrong track, but this is something EVERY parent is afraid of, but your son im sure has had a real good grounding.

I talked to my son recently about drugs was shocked about how many young ppl take them and how easy they are to get. For the first time I realized he has to make decisions about important things everyday and so I told him I trusted his judgement and knew he would make the right choices. He was chuffed that I gave him so much respect and told me he wouldnt let me down.

The thing is how do we know how things will turn out with our children, all I can say is hes free to make those choices, sadly my married daughter is still in the tight grip of the WT.

At the moment Its a scary time for me, concerning my son in the world but I know which life id rather have for him, and thats not in the tower !!

My next "chat " is about him and his new girlfriend,, wish me luck.

lisavegas420

I gradually realized the truth about the truth when my son kept asking really good questions I couldn't answer. I felt so bad, that it was my fault I coudn't get "satisfying answers". My feelings of inadequacy ( he wouldn't go to service anymore) led me to step down from my position.

I would like to welcome you and say how admirable I think you are. When I asked my dad questions, I was promptly sent to my room to think about it. And admonished because obviously I hadn't been paying attention at the meeting.

lisa

mmmmm

Hi

Im a 20 yr old girl and Im not sure how old your son is but I was brought up a Jehovahs Witness by my parents, who are still. When I was 16 I decided I couldnt live with the rules of the congregation anymore as obviously it was having serious side effects on my social life. This I know is a weakness on my behalf but I have no guilty feelings at all unlike others I know who have left the truth. Im not going to lie to you and say that most people my age arent on drugs. Cause they are. We have become known as the Ecstasy Generation. But think back to when you were a kid, I bet 3/4 of the people you knew smoked pot and had a bit of a dabble in acid- maybe not -but what Im trying to say is that yes in this system things are getting worse and worse and they are going to continue to and you know why. Up until the age of 16 my parents made the mistake of trying to reign me in to tight. They wouldnt let me ever hang out with my 'worldly' friends or go anywhere for that matter unless it was some of the geeks in the cong (that was rude and offensive I know but that was how I viewed it back then). So eventually I started sneaking out and going to parties and not coming back for a couple of weeks at a time, I was never upto anything bad,but the way they acted they pushed me into it. To put it shortly, yes there is going to come a time if it hasnt already that your son is going to go through when he will probably sample every drug imaginable, because thats what teenagers do, but their will be an ultimate decision on his behalf on whether he wants to become a stoner or a pill popping raver or whatever. It doesnt matter whether he is a witness or not, he will make the decision himself and you have 2 choices, one is going to push him away and make him see home as a place where he cant feel relaxed and doesnt want to come home too, or, a place he will always turn to because dad will listen. If he does get in trouble its you that wants the phone call in the middle of the night not his mates parents. I just wish I had that of my parents.

Mary

So I run the risk of being sucked back into the borg or being found out as long as I'm in, and if I leave now my son might lose it altogether.I'm frankly scared to death of attending the next assembly in a few weeks sometimes I think I'll go bonkers. Help.

toby, I would take it slow and easy. It sounds like the best thing for you and your family would be if you did the "slow fade". Some people can just stop going cold turkey, others find that too difficult (like me) and they have to just start missing meetings until you finally aren't going anymore.

I undertstand your concern with your son. It can be devastating to realize that your beliefs were not "from God" and people can become very depressed and get into drugs and all kinds of other stuff. I would strongly recommend that you continue to post here, and to perhaps seek counselling with a Psychologist who deals specifically with people who are trying to leave high control groups like the WTS.

Good luck and keep us posted.

jwfacts

I admire you for the stand you are taking.

I would suggest that you need to have faith in you son. If he asked questions that you could not answer it shows he is a thinker and will not be swayed to easily.

You just need to be there for him to make sure things do not get out of control and to monitor his behaviour. Different organisations have put out many sensible booklets on how to talk to your kid about drugs and how to notice signs if there could be a problem.

Don't forget that many Witness kids do drugs. My pioneer partner was smoking and dealing marijuana while he was still pioneering ( I didnt even know until after he was disfellowshipped) and another JW i grew up with became addicted to Cocaine and ended up committing suicide. Fear of Jehovah does not stop people doing drugs, it has to come from proper education and family support.

bythesea

Toby.....I feel for you in your situation and can totally relate to the sickening feeling inside...both upon realization that you've been duped all these years(OMG! It can't be true, can it?!) and the fear of losing your son. My son, now 27, was in trouble more with kids from the KH then ever with any worldly associates....as other posts have pointed out, just being "in the truth" is no guarantee that all be well for him! There was a period of time when he did head on into the drug world, but it wasn't until he was trying to clear his conscience of what he'd been doing with his buddies from the KH and went to the bros and they DF him...admitting to me and him both that he WAS repentent, but thought he needed a lesson! So, I stayed close by, he went and tried everything in the world he'd been warned against, we kept in touch always, I never shunned him....3 years later he moved home when he'd gotten injured on a job and couldnt work and began going to the meetings again. He said he always felt different than everyone during those years out in the world....girls especially told him he wasn't like the other guys they knew. It was different in a GOOD way.... and I would suspect your son would find it the same for him. Our kids ARE raised different in JW, and its not all bad....my son has always been very social, he's not an oddball kid or a geek....he would fit in anywhere and has a keen mind. I'm convinced that he will see through all this religious stuff in his own time.

I would suggest that you try to keep the lines of communication open between you. You don't mention where your wife is in all this....what is she thinking? Are you talking to her....is your son? I think if you want to create the least disturbance in your life and those around you then I'd try the slow fade(which IS what I'm trying myself!)....it calls for lots of patience and endurance and learning how to be VERY VAGUE when talking to friends from the KH, but patience and endurance are good qualities we're supposed to be cultivating anyway, right??

Hang in there, Toby....we're all here for you...keep us updated on how its going. LOVE your son, no matter what! This will be difficult for you all, but if you can get them all out then that will be worth it...that's my goal with my family too. A fellow traveler, bythesea

Mary

For Toby and anyone else who's having a difficult time leaving the Borg.....I found a very interesting site that looks as though it could be very helpful: http://www.marlenewinell.com/

Es

I think im with Legolas on this your presuming he will automatically turn to drugs......this may not even happen, sure leaving the borg gives us freedom sure when i left i tried out everything i wasnt allowed to in the borg, but then you get to a place in your life where you can handle the world and what it has to offer get me??? Same may happen with your son he may try things out just so he can, doesnt mean he will keep doing such things

Hope this makes a bit of sense???

All the best

es

Help!! Any advice?

Bryan

Mum

vitty

lisavegas420

mmmmm

Mary

jwfacts

bythesea

Mary

Es

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