I was very naive as a JW child and young adult growing up. I thought JW were perfect especially JW elders. I did whatever they said because I thought they were appointed by Jehovah and Jesus. One day I must have been around 12 or 13 and I went into the back of the KH to get my book that I had left there and when I opened the door a married elder was kissing a pioneer sister that definitely was not his wife. I almost passed out because I was so shocked. I tried to explain it away in my head that maybe it was a "friendship" kiss. But they were kissing in the mouth so that theory went out of the window. I debated for months about what to do should I "tattle" on the elder and pioneer or not? He was one of my favorite elders because he was kinda of young and I could relate to him the other 3 elders in my hall were elderly. After I finally got enough nerve to "tattle" This elder was put on "public reproof" and his position taken away from him. Later on I heard that he was "disfellowshipped" and divorced. Believe it or not I ran into this elder last year and it has been about 20 years that I last saw him. He did not know that I was "disassociated" and no longer one of JW's and had to nerve to try and talk to me about Jehovah. I sarcastically asked him "How is Sister so and so(his wife)? And he fumbled for a minute and said or we are no longer married I am married to sister so and now(new wife). We talked for about 30 minutes even though I told him I was no longer one of JW's. He tried to encourage me to come back. I was just wonder from JW women out there who were elder's wives did your husband have an affair with another JW women in the congo? I cannot believe how naive I was growing up.
To JW's elder's wives. Did your elder husband ever have an affair with JW?
by booker-t 11 Replies latest jw friends
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R6Laser
It must've been quite a shock seeing an elder do that at that young of an age! I knew of elders that had affairs and actually ran off with their mistress. They were later dF'ed. You're mistake was thinking they were perfect, nobody is perfect and unless I was tought differently when I was younger nobody told me elders were perfect human beings.
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coolhandluke
My grandmothers husband was notorious in the Los Angeles and Texas areas for this behavior. He has a refined manner of speaking. People listen to his voice and don't notice that the words are Pharisaical bulls*it. Sisters love him. He is the most unsympathetic, unkind, hardnosed, holier-than-thou individual that I have ever had to suffer. More than once he cheated on my grandmother at times with people in their very own congregation. He has been removed as and elder twice and is now serving in his "appointed" position for a third time.
Funny that he allowed his disfellowshipped daughter to live with him, bring a child into the world out of wedlock, live in his house for 15 years, hug, kiss and financially support his homosexual granddaughter but yet will not allow me into the house. I HATE this man. No, not what he does, not what he represents, HIM. I HATE him. So often we have asked my grandmother to leave him. She does not, so she reaps the pain she fosters. So be it.
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Lady Lee
I was an elder's wife. No he never had an affair. I actually think that the elders we had were pretty honest men who cared about their wives. I wasn't as sure about their kids. I suspected abuse (definitely emotional, and in one case sexual - later proved true)
When I tried going back after being out for 5 years I discovered a whole new side to the elder I spoke to and it really explained why both his sons (who were raised in it) left. Just plain nasty.
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Kaethra
R6 says "nobody told me elders were perfect human beings." No. But unless you were raised in an alternate jw universe, they surely told you that they were 'appointed by God's Holy Spirit', and that you had to respect them/listen to them/obey them as God's reps or risk punishment for rebelliousness. It's pretty hard to respect Elder Dipwad when you know he is cheating on his wife. JWs have a fit when they hear Catholics use that old imperfection excuse when it comes to their priests, but they have no problem adopting it when it suits them.
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Jordan
I don't personally remember any elders leaving their wives for mistresses, but there's been at least two cases I can think of where ministerial servants have done that, what really pissed me off was that within two years I think it was, both were reinstated and married to their new wives. That was one of the first times I started questioning the bOrg, I couldn't believe these men were allowed back so soon after blatantly playing the system, to get out of a marriage but still be back in the congo within a short space of time, it seemed like something was fundamentally wrong with the way things were run.
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GetBusyLiving
I knew an elder that was banging the wife of an MS from his own hall. It had been going on for years. They ran away together, and as far as I know are living happily ever after.
GBL
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Confession
No question about it. There are JWs--at every level of the organization--who either succumb to (or jump into) adultery. When elders do it, of course, there is considerably more attention paid, and we can understand the basic concept of 'to him whom much is given, much will be expected.' But, as much as you might want to believe it, it's not happening with elders at any higher rate than with others in the congregation. In fact, I'd say elders' and ministerial servants' wives end up running off with others at least as often as the reverse.
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misspeaches
I was never a JW elder wife but I feel I can comment on this subject.
We had an elder in our congregation who lived in the same street as us. We always were looked after by him sometimes I felt we got special consideration.
Fast forward, I'm living out of home in a different congregation. My mother is starting to act completely out of character. I mean she is kooky already but now shes been completely odd. She was going off for weekends away and disappearing and whatnot. Several things she said made me wonder if she was having an affair with this elder. Eventually I voiced my worst fears and she confirmed it. They were having an affair.
Well my whole world came crumbling down. My mother had cheated on my dad (who was currently undergoing cancer treatment mind you). An elder who I looked at as my spiritual father figure (dad was never a JW) had betrayed our trust. I was just plain devestated. I can't begin to tell you the range of emotions I went through.
The BOE eventually found out. Mum & elder got disphellowshipped. I got in trouble for not doing anything about it. I was told I was a silly little girl. I was in my early 20s then. But I seriously didn't know what to do. I was just trying to cope with the situation. I will never forgive my mother for that. The elder is dead now so I don't have to worry about forgiving him.
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Bryan
I knew an elder that was banging the wife of an MS from his own hall. It had been going on for years. They ran away together, and as far as I know are living happily ever after. GBL
I saw the same story. I was in League City, TX (Just South of Houston). The elder ,who had a beautiful wife, was messing around with a servant's wife. It ended on Sunday while everyone was at the meeting. The now ex-elder went to the servant's home to pick up his new girlfriend. The servant cut his wife's long hair off before letting her go, then went outside and punched out the ex-elder.
The servant's son was a good friend of mine (I was about 10). He showed me knee and palm prints in the wet grass in front of his house where the ex-elder landed after he was decked.
Oh to be a Witness again!
Bryan