Mine started on Fridays. I would hate Fridays because I knew Saturday and Sunday were coming and my time wasnt my own. I mean who hates Fridays?? When I was still in and going to meetings, I had a newborn, a four year old and a 6 year old. They were VERY well behaved kids but you can imagine the guilt I felt having to drag them out in service on a beautiful Saturday morning when their friends were all up and down the street playing basketball, or dolls, or riding their bikes. I would envy the neighbor out sweating in the sun mowing his yard and trimming his bushes while his wife was in the garden tending the veggetables or going to the store to buy groceries. Thats ALL I wanted to do...have the choice to do ANYTHING ELSE but go out in service and bother people. I felt guilty NOT going and felt guilty NOT going enough and felt guilty NOT preparing and NOT wanting to be there at all....guilt guilt guilt. I was one of those sloth JWs who walked 1 mph down the street praying nobody would be home and praying for the time to end and praying somebody else had a long return visit we could go on to kill the morning. In winter in Illinois when it was snowy, sub zero and miserable....multiply all the above by 100.
And repeating that process on Sundays...making the kids sit through HOURS AND HOURS of adult talks about adult subjects and not being allowed to let them color or look at their bible story books or do anything but sit there. And afterwards all I wanted to do was LEAVE that building. And all my husband wanted to do was flit about the hall being Mr. Sociable. And HE never was the one to wash, dress, feed and take care of...those children before and during those meetings. Including afterwards. He never read an article. Never underlined anything...and we NEVER got along when we were going door to door because he always thought he could handle the discussion better than I did and even at "my doors" he would butt in and take over. It was a nightmare. Wash, rinse, repeat....every weekend. (not to mention having to drag ourselves and our kids out the door every TUESDAY and THURSDAY night TOO!!)
Now that I am out...he doesnt go to ANY meetings either but he is still "in" though how he is still "in" is beyond me. I now have a job that takes me out of the house from 2-9 or 2-6:30 on both days but the kids have been in baseball, basketball, dance, chess club, engineering club, honor society, volunteering, dating, birthday parties, getting jobs and doing whatever else they have WANTED TO DO since I left in 1997. They have thrived and grown and are happy, well adjusted loving people now. And like today, we slept in til 10. Had coffee and muffins. Im doing some geneaology research, drinking my coffee, reading JWN, enjoying a beautiful South Florida winter day...and except for worrying wherre the economy is taking me, my time and my thoughts are allll my own and nobody is expecting me anywhere. And that includes church. The kids are going to the South Florida Fair today and will be having a BALL.
As for my JW husband...I think he is relieved that I left and his kids could have a normal life. And I think I have given him the excuse not to go any more himself. And he is upstairs working on our second story, building things with his hands, his time is his own too. The guilt...he has to deal with that part of it on his own. I have ZERO guilt about leaving that cult.
