When I first left it it was like riding an emotional roller-coaster with extreme highs and devastating lows but exciting as hell.
Research became an addiction in fact still is, whenever I was alone or had free time I would read whatever I could and the rush I got from doing so was intoxicating like breathing for the first time. I didn't watch you tubes straight away they seemed too scary but when I did couldn't get enough of them either.
Those were the highs the lows came because I was completely alone in doing so and I was terrified of getting caught. The realisation that there was no turning back caused me to have panic attacks. In fact I have never felt so alone but there was no way I was going to stop so I felt caught between a rock and a hard place. I was so unhappy those last few years in it was a relief to be getting some control back in my life even if it was covert.
Slowly slowly I am learning to deal to cope.
Everyone still there but gone like ghosts or am I the ghost because I'm still here but gone to them too.
Glad to have left that crazy-arse religion but it was tough in the way that only someone that has gone through it would know what it was like to be JW and how crushingly painful it is to wake up and leave.
So if you've never been a JW you don't get to say how I should feel or react or that I 'm just imagining it or WT is really just misunderstood and not so bad...etc blah blah stop gaslighting me!
But hey, the butterfly has to struggle for some time to emerge from a cocoon and it can only do it alone.