Miss Behaving, sending you hugs and love. I'm so sorry for what you are dealing with. I too struggle with finding myself in a dark place from depression. The way my own husband has been treating me devastating. I also recently lost a very dear dear friend to cancer and that is constantly on my mind.
When I feel myself going there, I try really hard to find positive thoughts. Living life can be soooooo hard at times. I can't get into much detail but this past year has been horrendous.
But I love living life...my kids, siblings, pondering existence, being around my non jw family and all the nieces and nephews and such. Beautiful places to visit, wonderful books, etc. There are so many lovely things to enjoy in this life.
Know that your struggle, no matter how dark you are feeling it now, is temporary. you will get through this. I have found that the jw relationships are so conditional. They can disappear so quickly. They are trained to shun, my own husband has been playing that game with me. That is not the way true friends treat their friends.
But I have so many wonderful friends that are not Jehovahs. And family not in.
Have you tried reaching out to your family?