Thanks to all who have replied, that I have not yet thanked....lisavegas420, Golf, Big Tex, Little Toe, seeitallclearlynow, Special K, Jez, Aude_Sapere (again).
Jez,
Thanks for your concern. I wanted to answer the one big question you had. We do have joint custody, with primary residence being with her. This was "agreed to" in a settlement conference in June. I likely could have gotten shared residence even then. Part of the reason I didn't is because my oldest son had/has been told by my ex/her mother that I will take him away from them forever. When the Office of the Children's Lawyer's clinical investigator interviewed him he mentioned this fear (of course not saying that it was mommy/her mom) and said that he felt his time with me would be more comfortable when he knew he was going to "live with mommy".
I felt that it was the best thing to do at the time. Now I feel differently. I thought it would give stability to him and the rest of the kids. The opposite has happened. He hasn't come overnight since June and has hardly come other nights either. (They are supposed to be with me every second weekend and Tues/Wed evenings.) She hasn't let them call me a single time either, not even on their birthdays... and she celebrates b-days with them... it's her mom that is the JW.
I do keep them sheltered from the conflict when they are with me. She obviously doesn't.
I almost don't want to mention this part but I have visions of Susan Smith and what she did to her kids. She was viewed by most as being a doting (sp?) mother, when in fact some of the injuries that required trips to the hospital with her children were inficted by her to create that appearance. My ex/her mother somehow managed to allow my four-year old to get second-degree burns from a sunburn and waited for a full day to take her to the hospital so that they could say that she was burned while with me.
What they have done regarding hiring someone to beat me up or worse is almost surreal. The guy has connections to a bike gang but I had met him through a friend, so he asked me my side first. He returned to them saying nothing was going to happen to me. We've stayed in contact to the point that he has informed her family that nothing better happen to me or else. He has tried to encourage them to quit using all their negative energy against me and use it for positive influence on our kids.
People that need to be threatened by their own "hit-man" to not taking any other action are capable of anything, IMO.
But despite all this, I have always fully supported her time with the kids. Hopefully my kids don't know about the thug thing.
As far as her not having a right to block access, Jez, you are absolutely right. But each time I have taken legal action to prevent their latest tactics, they have resorted to other means. I don't like to think about negative things before they happen, but what is next? I pray that the Judge puts in place safety nets for me and the kids. It's odd how some people's minds work. They break the law or, in a family law situation, they cheat the innocent parties out of time together enough that the Judge punishes them. Then instead of accepting that they have done wrong, they find new ways to do even more.
Thanks again for your concern.
Brad