They often show themselves as being completely legalistic. They act as if DFing is some arrangement that just makes it easier for everyone in the congregation to do what they should/would be doing anyways (if they knew all the details for the situation) but in reality many in the congregation only care about someone's transgressions if it actually gets them DFed. There's a similar situation for me - I've told one of my (conditional) friends about my reasons for leaving the cult, outright admitting that I am an apostate and he basically said he'll still be my friend as long as I don't get announced as no longer a JW. I told him myself I'm no longer a JW, but he doesn't care until it's official. So legalistic. Also, some friend that he'll tell me to my face that if some random guy stands up and says I'm no longer a JW he just immediately drops me even though it is in no way new information to him.
Your situation also demonstrates what I suspect is a result of the rampant misogyny in the cult. Something tells me if an elder was trying to get his wife DFed for cheating, it wouldn't matter if she didn't attend meetings - they'd be happy to DF her so that he could save face in front of the congregation when he starts dating.