Hi John
I too feel the same way the feeling that we are alone. I still pray maybe out of habit or maybe because I am still clinging on to the fact that maybe there is a god up there.
I look at creation and it is so complex, our feelings and emotions are something that could not have evolved (in my opinion) and the earth is so beautiful it seems crazy to think it all just happened.
But as you mentioned millions suffer including 'faithful' witnesses and it does not make sense.
If you pray to Jehovah and something good happens its a blessing.
If you pray and your prayers are not answered then it seems that Jehovah is selecting which prayers he 'responds' to ?
I have never understood this.
For example a worldy person prays to god for help - nothing.
Then we get an 'experience " where someone prays to god and then jw's knock on their door......
We were always told when someone in the world prays and gets blessed its because satan is blessing them.
Then the experience comes up at the assembly of someone praying to god and he answers them by a ring on the doorbell.
So to me that means that Jehovah hears every prayer but selects which ones he answers.
So I am at a loss really as I too feel like we are alone here.
I was raised from birth as a witness now fading after 39 years.
All of my family is still in and they don't know about my feelings, the only good thing is that my wife who herself was raised as a witness is also fading with me.
Sometimes she says that she misses attending the meetings and I have to go over the reasons why we have left - then when you watch the news the old ingrained thoughts come back - what if etc.
I think it will take a long time to get over this. May be it won't ever go away.
I gave up a lot for this religion - after I left school I pioneered and then was a window cleaner,lol.
Oh boy, so as you can imagine approaching I am 40 next month have managed to get a few regular jobs but all of the well paying ones require a college education which I was denied and truly believed was a waste of time.
Don't save any money we were told - Jehovah will look after you.
If you seek first the kingdom he will look after you.
Don't get a pension, don't buy a house its not worth it.....Its totally disgusting that this religion controls you and your life decisions - especially when eventually I moved to another country and saw the elders with their nice homes and cars and well paying jobs, some of them went to university and when you are working in a regular job they look down on you as if you are crap when they were the ones telling you not to pursue anything like this.
Thank goodness we have managed to get ourselves a home now and are starting to build a life for ourselves.
Fortunately we moved to a totally different country from our families so the fade was much easier.
Take care John.
WGO.