Life is too Short: You are being waaaaaaaay too hard on yourself. You believed and you did everything you could so that you would be able to volunteer...because you had a good heart and a willing spirit. Don't keep dissing yourself. I used to dream of going to Bethel and helping, or being a missionary, but I was/am a nobody in the JW world so that never happened. Don't feel badly because you were loving, kind and willing to give up all you had. You aren't the one who should feel badly.....the people who hurt you and used you are the folks who should feel guilty and beg your forgiveness.
AND you weren't/aren't stupid. Quit saying that. You thought everyone had the goodness that you do....you had to find out the hard way that this isn't true.
Anyway, Take care.
AB