“frogonmytoe”:
“. . . either I will be completely shunned if disfellowshipped, or spared disfellowshipping if I try to ‘fade.’ ”
One thing which could probably have a bearing on whether or not you would be disfellowshipped is whether or not you were actually baptized.
A long-standing friend of mine has quickly faded from the Jehovah’s Witnesses around 25 years ago and has been on and off practicing “fornication” (just with women, in his case, as he is vehemently anti-gay) during that time, but he was never actually baptized, so nobody really cares, including the elders, especially as he has been out for so long. He has not actually been disfellowshipped or disassociated.
His older brother, though, has in fact been baptized, and has also slipped out of the organization for about as long. Although his older brother doesn’t seem to have committed major disfellowshipping offences such as adultery, he is extremely worldly (a very judgmental, loud-mouthed bigot and complete asshole) and non-religious/spiritual. However, apparently there has not been any announcement as to his being disfellowshipped or disassociated either.
I do realize that the examples of these two men are not the same as your situation in that they are not gay; however, it does show that a person’s fate in terms of judicial action by the elders can be influenced by the length of time and degree of a person’s successful fade, the general notoriety of the particular case, and whether or not the person has ever been baptized. Moreover, it could depend on how far away the person might have physically relocated, and also just how close they were to family members and friends to begin with. These are all factors that would weigh on the statistical probability of any judicial committee decision, as well as the likelihood or degree of being shunned should things go south in that respect.
Don’t forget, a family that shuns one of their own members would only be doing so because of having been told/ordered to by the organization’s policymakers due to whatever fears have been implanted and reinforced in them – which certainly does not necessarily reflect the intrinsic beliefs or wishes of the family itself otherwise. That’s why I believe that another factor in an individual case in terms of the reaction by and treatment of their family is the extent with which the members in that family would allow themselves to think for themselves, independent of any kind of religious organization. That, of course, would depend on the strength and solidarity of the family itself as an independent unit, and one’s attachment thereto.
I myself am not “gay” in the classic sense; however, I do have definite “aberrant” tendencies – not regarding children or anything harmful like that, but I do have some rather unusual emotional attachment and fetishistic interest toward animals (male and female, but mostly male – you can refer to my very first post on this Board). I am therefore still forced to be living a kind of lie, not just with that but also my personal (“apostate”) spiritual beliefs and aspirations – partly due to my unique economic situation, and quite a bit due to the long-standing emotional attachment within my family. They are staunch and long-standing members of the Jehovah’s Witness religion and community, and I want to be careful not to unnecessarily ‘rock that boat.’ I’m thinking of their emotions too, and want to try to spare them the grief of having to believe that I am “spiritually dead.”
Oh boy. [little sigh] Didn’t mean to rant like that. Sorry. What a “tangled web” we can end up weaving in this darn “life” thing. All well. What can you do. One day at a time I guess. . . . . Anyway; I wish you the very best of luck.
