“Phoebe”: “It's a strange, but nice feeling, taking each day as it comes without worrying that I'm not good enough and if I didn't do better God would kill me. Jeez! 60 odd years of that!!! I can't get the time back but think myself lucky that I did finally see the truth and been set free.”
Boy, I can relate to that! You see, I was effectively on “death row” from about 14 years old until my late 30s. I thought internally that I had probably sinned against the holy spirit, as my longtime elder father would occasionally scare me about that. (Thus my user name, “SAHS,” which stands for “Sinned Against the Holy Spirit.”)
Talk about being – or not being – “good enough”! Every time my mom would verbally speculate about world events possibly fulfilling the “cry of peace and security,” I would almost have a panick attack!
Once a few years ago when I went downstairs in my old kingdom hall to the second school (back when they had the Kingdom Ministry School), there were two sisters giving a talk on sinning against the holy spirit. Well, I had a panick attack and actually had to go and sit on the toilet for a while!
I used to even have reoccurring nightmares about a dark storm system steadily approaching from a distance, which included multiple tornados.
So, I totally relate to “worrying that I'm not good enough and if I didn't do better God would kill me.”
Not to mention those very graphic sketches depicting Armageddon in the old book Paradise Lost to Paradise Regained. (Boy, talk about organizational child abuse!)