Can you please explain to me how the elder was able to over ride your wishes with the funeral chapel directors. Didn't they consult you that the elder had changed the family wishes. Or did the elder simply say "play the song and I'm not giving the service". I personally know of a JW couple who wanted to get married at the beach but opted for the KH instead because an elder just point blank refused to take the service outside of a KH.
The funeral directors who supplied the coffin and hearse etc. (not the crematorium staff, you don't get to see them at all) asked if we'd like any specific music played as everyone filed out. We supplied the CD to the funeral directors. Momma had requested the singing of Keep your eyes on the prize during the funeral service. The elder in charge replayed Keep your eyes on the prize instead of selecting the Rachmaninov CD. I believe the crematorium rostrum had a set of of buttons from which the desired melody could be selected. As myself and some others attending were disfellowshipped, none of the witnesses present at the funeral spoke with us about the matter. There was nothing I could do about it once the service was over anyway. So as momma's executors, we just sent the local KH the money that she'd willed to them. We didn't get an acknowledgement.