this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.
i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.
over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .
@ Phizzy, John Aquilla, freemindfade, Oubliette, clarity, DJS, LostGeneration,
Thank you all for the advice and encouragement,
I will have to learn to shut up ... it's gonna be difficult because I hate to fake and pretend ... but I am aware I need to keep things a secret for know as I am not emotionally ready for what it is going to happen ...
I am so glad we can talk through this forum!
this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.
i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.
over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .
@ Magnum
I believe there are answers - I hope!
It's just that they are not in an organization, they are in a personal relationship with God and Jesus. I believe Jesus is the only mediator between God and human being. We need nobody else, an certainly.
I decided to study the new testament by myself, there are different translations of the Bible available.
I am also thinking of going to other christian's groups meetings but I'll have to do this discreetly, at least in the beginning, until I am ready to come out with what I believe now ...
this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.
i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.
over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .
@ oppostate
I feel the same way about this:
I came to understand that no organization can lay claim to being God's representative on Earth, nor his "Channel".
and I believe to claim this is the true "brazen conduct" in front of God
I also feel like the years in this org made me feel separated from other people, from humanity. I need to get to know people who are outside of this org.
I am thinking of the 12 years in this org as being just a step in my search for God. But I like the way you named your moment of awakening: "epiphany" - I might borrow that.
this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.
i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.
over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .
Thank you for the support, talesin.
It crossed my mind to just call two elders and tell them everything I believe, but I also realize I am too overwhelmed right know, I could not face very well going through discussions with them and sensing / knowing other members of cong speak behind my back that I became an apostate ... probably not just members of my cong, but all other witnesses in town.
I live in a town where most witnesses were brought up in families of witnesses. I became a witness after big problems with my family and most witnesses in my town know my story ...
Plus, the explanations and reasoning with friends ... too much to bear right now.
as i write this,im aware of my heart hammering in my chest.ok where shall i start,ill try to keep this as short as possible.ive never been religious before in my life,the occasional wedding or funeral was the only time ive been in a church or viewed a bibles cover.in 2013 my step-dad was diagnosed with cancer and had to go for an operation to remove the tumor.i became close to his nephew and we communicated a lot and had a few strong feelings for each other,but neither of us told anyone,it was just harmless flirting and a few hugs that lasted a bit longer than normal.two days after my dads operation,he died through complications,and my path of self destruct was set.my boss had also been sexually harassing me at work and i was unfairly dismissed and was told by my landlord that i was to pay the rent or be evicted.then out of the blue my cousin tells me he was an unbaptised publisher (he was baptised at the aug convention last year)and to start having faith in god,that it would all work out.so i went to a kh and took up a study.that was a year ago and they now feel im ready to become a publisher.the thing is..i was made homless and am living with a jw of 50 years,a real spiritual person.these last two months ive been researching and i simply like you all disagree with so much of it.for the past twi weeks ive avoided meetings because of work,or pretended im at work and stayed away from the home i have with this witness.i cant afford to leave but at same time im being pushed to go into ministry and meetings.guys what the hell am i going to do?im so trapped scared and i cant believe i wanted to get baptised!
!my son lives with his dad and there trying to get a hold on him when he visits me!
!
Tell them you are not ready, you need to study more ... maybe mention just one of the things you do not agree ... just one, not more :)
Continue to skip meetings, invoking work is ok.
And during this time try to resolve your situation.
That is what I would do.
this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.
i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.
over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .
This week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted. I still cannot believe how this can happen so fast. Over a period of seven days I went from not even imagining that I could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.
Last Sunday when I went to the kh the thought of not being a witness did not exist in my mind (despite all the things I disapproved in this org and their doctrine).
On Sunday evening I realized that it is very rarely that I agree with a whole study article in the publications. Usually I agree with the part where they present the biblical facts and the verses, and I disagree with most of their conclusions. And the q came, in this conditions, is it ok for me to continue being a witness? Can I stand this until the end of my life or this system? Should I continue to stand this? Is it worth it?
The idea that this is affecting my relationship with God came to me. My relationship with Him has been affected because I have to pretend I agree with something I do not, because I ask myself if it is ok for me to understand things different than the organization and to reach different conclusions when I analyse some biblical verses.
On Monday morning I felt like crying, while continuing to read information on jwfacts, listening to crisis of conscience, reading info on other sites (not necessarily all against jw’s, but also sites on what other christian religious believe and understand from the Bible. I was particularly impressed with a you tube video showing a meeting of a christian denomination celebrating the commemoration on 14th Nissan and all members of the congregation were taking part, no ideas I could not agree with in the sermon).
Tuesday, I continued researching information during breaks at work and after.
I had moments when I felt anxious and like crying and did not know exactly why – was I crying because of worry for what is expecting me, was it a feeling of liberation or was it anger for all the years when I was blind and believed them despite logic and good sense?
In the same time in my head started to roll all the questions that came into my mind over the years and did not had the guts to put them into words or to clearly formulate them in my mind:
Jesus did not only bring us liberation from sin and death but also liberation in the sense that since He came, we do not need any other mediator between God and humans, Jesus is the only mediator.
These are probably just some of the q’s, and I did not yet reach a conclusion on what I believe on most of these issues. I will need to research to find out what is the most logical answer in the Bible.
I know this is a long post, but I wanted to somehow get a little clarity on my new ideas and my questions, and to make a resume on how the shift I experienced this week took place.
It is strange how nothing really special happened this week in reality (related to my experience in this org or with its members) but I had so many thoughts in my mind, everything happened in my mind, and I experienced this transformation in my thinking ….
I was wondering how did the shift in thinking happened to you? Was it gradual, was it sudden?
And how did you got away from the org? Did you clearly told them what you believe? Did you have a time when you continued but was convinced in your mind that the org did not preached the truth? How long did you go on after changing your ideas?
I am thinking of what I should do next … don’t want to do anything that would make my situation too difficult …
PS: English is not my first language, sorry if sometimes the way I express myself is complicated.
any ideas what this is about?
- apparently a three hour public address through each kingdumb hell from the gb.
anyone heard anything about this?.
diamondble1974,
Can you ask your mother what it was about?
I have no idea what I'll do when I will be disfellowshiped, I am so curious ...
any ideas what this is about?
- apparently a three hour public address through each kingdumb hell from the gb.
anyone heard anything about this?.
Any news about this?
Our meeting is tomorrow but I do not feel like going ...
my family member says he only attends two meetings per week.
and only goes out on field service whenever he wants to.
are some halls less strict than others?
I am not sure it is about the halls or about yourself, how you act and how they get used to you / the new you.
I used to pioneer some years ago. Now I only go to kh when I feel like and do not go preaching every month - which makes me irregular.
It is true, they don't see me very well ... but who cares?
i was thinking of starting a topic on thoughts that go through your mind while attending meetings.... right now i am at the meeting and thinking ... we study about jesus's courage to stand by rightness and truth, about him getting in conflict with religious leaders who thought of themselves as experts of the law, jesus understood truth and god differently of them and he had the courage to speak out!.
so we study this, but after that we draw the concluzion that courage is to go preaching and identify yourself as a witness .... well, this in not what i understand from jesus's courage!.
I realize that self expression in this religion is forbidden. It is the first time I clearly see this.
It is paintful and don't know if I should continue, fading and not telling people what I understand from the Bible
or just leaving ...
