Leela: I dont want to spend anymore of my life greiving over a father who really never was a good father.
You are right, you have no need to grieve for that man. That would be like saying that you miss the bad neighbors that moved out after making your life hell while they lived next door to you.
However, for those of us with estranged parents, the grieving is different. We grieve for the parents we should have had and didn't. Be prepared to miss the father you didn't have.
It's tough. Hang in there and give yourself permission to grieve if you have to. It's okay - it is a natural human response.