"More importantly if you fade you are still a JW. The thought of that repulsed me.", paulmolark dixit.
. Or in other words: It is impossible to have a foot on the moon and to act as freely as if both your feet were on the earth ... As simple as that !!!
Some decisions take a long time before one can take and make it. So it can take many years till one is ready to take and make the decision to disassociate him(her)self from the JW org.