It's funny how you use fear as the reason for not wanting to believe. I do want to believe but the evidence does not support my desire. Show me the proof.
You may have concern about being disciplined for being skeptical. That says more about you than anyone else. From my observation of human nature and god. The construct of it is one of each individuals ego.
I would never have imagined a god disciplining me or anyone I cared about for being skeptical or using what was given each of us by him "our brain". I certainly would never discipline my children for asking perfectly legitimate questions.
I wonder what kind of childhood you had to believe of god in this way.