Hi, Trybalance......I understand what you are saying. I don't post here all that often, but I read the posts all the time. I also know alot of XJW's that have been able to go on....some here, who are here to help others heal and try to get on with their lives. My first husband was a JW and he was able to move on with his life and when I spoke with him a few years ago, I mentioned the online sites and he said he didn't need to re-live that part of his life....that that part of his life was gone. He's 'healed' for the most part.....he still lost most all of his family, and no doubt somewhere in his heart he feels pain, but he says "that's their choice".
However, I do honestly believe that unless a person has experienced what another person has in life, they don't know exactly how it feels, or how that person will handle things.......as many times the way we handle some things depends on how we were raised or taught to do so.
My boyfriend has a hard time sometimes with all the XJW things and doesn't understand how they can require their members to do some of the things they do and act the way they do......like not report things, cut off family, etc. But, I tell him that if that is all you were ever taught and have that fear instilled in you, you do things that you may not like.....yes, it's your choice, but if it's all you were ever taught and you sincerely believe that it's the most Holy way to act, then you do it.
So, people let bad things continue (i.e., child abuse, die from no blood, not report physical abuse, etc.) because they know no other way or are afraid of the consequences to "their little insulated world" if they do try to 'buck the system'.....they will be branded as evil as Satan the Devil himself. I don't think I have as "bad" of an attitude about JWs, I feel more pity for them....at least the ones like my elderly parents, who sincerely want to be serving God and feel this is the only way........they are not currupt indivuals, just misled sheep. I feel that God can see in each of our hearts and knows which ones are like that....and which ones are just bad people.......just like in any religion.
I also feel that many online, who have been hurt so bad by what they have experienced, just don't want others to fall into the same trap that they did and possibly experience the same pain. People vent this in many different ways.....and many online are at different levels of 'healing'. Each of our personalities are different as well, and just handle any kind of matters differently.
Personally, I am glad you feel you have the ability to move on when you need to in your life and not dwell on things that may not be able to be changed (like situations that have occurred). Others may not be able to as well, and others yet may not wish to, as then they feel that others may then suffer, too, because of their complacity. We are all different and I relish the freedom to be able to be different. It has helped me to hear some of these others' experiences, feelings, and ventings.......even if sometimes they do have "an attitude".....because I have experienced similar things and can relate to the feelings and frustrations and no longer feel "alone" out in this world that I was taught was so unGodly, vile, and evil......and, which, by the way, I have found is not that way at all.
I hope things continue as well for you as they seem to be now. I had a friend growing up that married a non-JW, and they are happy together now for over 20 years......it was quite a scandal in our little congregation, even though eventually those in the congregation did some to like him. He has never studied or become a JW, but attends sometimes on special occasions........and the congregation goes to their farm sometimes for picnics, etc., and do sincerely like him. But, even his wife feels bad sometimes, because she knows that according to her beliefs, he will be destroyed by Jehovah at sometime, with the rest of the non-JWs at Armageddon and it makes her sad sometimes. He's Lutheran, and while he may beleive some of the JW doctrine, he has no desire to convert....and he hasn't interferred in her raising their three children as JWs. They, however, are more of the exception, rather than the rule, but it can happen.....and I hope it stays happy and that way with you and your wife.....I truly do.
I feel that most everyone here is basically well-meaning.......it's like when a new person to JWs feels they "have the Truth" and has to tell everyone in their family.....because they don't want them to die at Armageddon.....so, out of love, they might pester the hell out of their family and maybe even drive some of them away.....and maybe they use that "tough love" approach, that JWs are masters of.......to shun them until they 'come to their senses'. Most of the time, while not the most kind thing, may truly be out of love.
So, please keep some of these thoughts in mind when you read some of the online things from XJWs....that we all react differently when actually are in certain situations and some want to be vocal to try to help keep others from being hurt.....or, they are hurt and are vocal for help, healing, and companionship.
~"Alana"
