Posts by one_ugly

If you're out there and reading... take care of yourself. Don't go jacking up or anything stupid, there are a lot of people here that support you, care about who you are, and would offer any kind of help possible.

So much to say, just thinking about what you are going through if suspicions are correct. I'll try not to dwell negatively, and hope that you are doing well; just taking a breather through the holiday seasons.

I wish you the best and miss your posts.

ugly

44

What Type of Personality Are You Drawn To?

by minimus in

jw
friends

....????

?....

one_ugly_time

Narcisstic...

Just like the cult... Give all you want, it's not enough... Hope and pray that tomorrow has continuity with today, it doesn't... Do something wrong, and you are outta their life or repent, repent, repent and suffer the guilt they dump on you... They promise you the world, with dreams of utopia, but they never come through... Should I go on?

Oh, it's really all about them, no matter how you feel.

ugly

12

Lost Childhood -> PTSD -> Lost Adulthood

by one_ugly_time in

when i read the title of the thread ?was your growth stunted because you were a jehovah?s witness?, i posted a version of the following while extremely emotional.

not taut, very loosely, as if it feels like a necklace.

you see, i am growing and the cord is getting taut now.

one_ugly_time

Purple V -

it's marginally masochistic in my own case.

OK. I'm tongue tied. It would be different, wouldn't it, if it was perceived as a mutual exchange of power. Did I say that right?

I stood up for myself twice this last 2 weeks, might be a record!

Congratulations. I've actually done that too. It's really ironic though, that when I first did it, it REALLY cost me. I think it's part of the process, because we've been doing what we do for so long, that others expect it. And boy oh boy are you going to hear about it and pay for it (although they will deny any expectations). It's like being an actor (let's pick Bob Denver). Was he ever anything other than Gilligan? Even when he wanted to be, people didn't accept it. So, I think we are all better off being like Mel Gibson or Robin Williams... neither one will ever be type-cast into a role (although it did take Robin Williams a very long time to break away from the Mork portrayal).

Keep me informed. Being twins and all, I could learn a few things vicariously.

ugly

12

Lost Childhood -> PTSD -> Lost Adulthood

by one_ugly_time in

when i read the title of the thread ?was your growth stunted because you were a jehovah?s witness?, i posted a version of the following while extremely emotional.

not taut, very loosely, as if it feels like a necklace.

you see, i am growing and the cord is getting taut now.

one_ugly_time

((( bisous ))) -

I feel I am at a cross roads as to whether the hard excruciating experience of life as I know it (and trying to change for something different, better) is even worth the effort....

Darling, if I may, h*ll yes it is worth it !!! Remember, the deeper the valley the higher the peak. In other words, cleansing the soul has taken me to some pretty deep, scary, isolated, lonely, dark places. When it's all said and done, I am hoping to replace fear of abandonment with security within my self that I'm OK; dyfunctional relationship dynamics with flexible boundaries; sympathy and rescuing with empathy and caring; and a fragile self-esteem that lives life on the periphery with myself that freely parcipates in life. When this is done, I am certain to experience some of the highest, natural (not like the teenage year) highs of my life.

I had no choice, but I didn't belong there and couldn't belong outside either.

We were taught with the fear of death, destruction, and loss of love that we had no choice.

Only recently have I had the courage to examine myself and life and admit how much control and influence those years in the sect had over me.

Same here. And courage it is. I like the book "Courage to Change" where Dennis Wholey discusses the process of change. I can identify with a lot of the obstacles he presents.

My entire social life began to revolve around her (the woman who married into JWs and thus forced me into it too). I didn't know it then, but looking back I realize I didn't have the social skills or ability to form sustainable relationships. My mother quit practicing the religion and basically became my primary friend. I had people I met through work who wanted to be friends, it was always only 1 or 2 at a time, and eventually I would find a reason to drift away or end the friendship. Continuing to associate with my mother (shopping, going out to dance, movies, all the things a woman in her 20s and 30s would have girlfriends to do with).

I suffer from emotional dependency and behavioral codependency issues as a result of attempting to fulfill my "super-parents" idea of what is required to obtain love. I, too, wasted a lot of time trying to fill a cup that had so many holes in it that from day-to-day I didn't know if anything I was pouring in was of use.

Now I have cut off contact with my mother and basically live an isolated life. My human relationships exist with work colleagues.

Same here. Let's start a club, or maybe a bulletin board :-).

I feel like the 'noose' will always be around my neck, I kid myself that I cut free 20+ years ago. .

I keep a journal on a regular basis, about my successes and failures. My failures usually stem from "old" thinking that the other person a) is as interested in my life as much as I am b) understands what I am feeling c) can fill a void in me. I have learned that none of these are implicitly true, but they are extremely hard thought processes and feelings to stop.

I admire the strength reflected in your posting.

Thank you. Pandora's box is open, so no since trying to shut it. I want that noose off.

XOXOXO

ugly *** of the "I don't speak any French, but found a good dictionary" class ***

12

Lost Childhood -> PTSD -> Lost Adulthood

by one_ugly_time in

when i read the title of the thread ?was your growth stunted because you were a jehovah?s witness?, i posted a version of the following while extremely emotional.

not taut, very loosely, as if it feels like a necklace.

you see, i am growing and the cord is getting taut now.

one_ugly_time

Purple V - Thanks for your comments. I agree that helping others does have a way of helping the healing process. Part of what I am trying to achieve, however, is internal validation. It seems that I have lived my entire life attempting to validate externally ie rescuing, helping, etc. at my own expense. This is very frustrating

franklin j - I have found this site to be extremely rewarding. Just reading all the other stories and coming to the realization that I am not alone lifted more fog than anything else in my life. When I meet others, at a peer level, I still have a negative disposition, which I believe comes down to a trust issue.

waiting - I'm not sure what it's called either. BluesBrothers mentioned allegory. I will look it up, cuz now I'm curious. My survival technique for years was denial. In the beginning of my recovery, I journaled many, many current life issues. I started with this type of writing to help wrap up all the unexpressed feelings, double talk, denial, and the overall issues involved. I ultimately try to tear apart what I write and put specifics; age, event, feeling, etc; to the example. Although it is slower, this helps me uncover the pain in manageable doses.

sns - I've come to the conclusion that it's not the amount of time that you've been out. It is more about working through the issues and understanding what it is you are really feeling. It has been incredibly difficult for me to post here, but at the same time I believe the saying, not sure where I got it, "Grief is a normal process that must be shared in order for healing to occur." I wish you well in your process.

kj - Thanks.

bikerchic -

Something that helped me get over it was doing work with Adult Children of Alcoholic's. You could use any disfunctional family system in place of the alcoholic and yes I do feel that I myself was hit with a double whamy being raised in a cult and having an alcoholic father and a co-dependant mother.

I have been reading ACOA, and also found a good friend that went through this process 20 years ago that is also ACOA. She has been a tremendous help. I have gone to a few meetings; don't know what I think of those yet. I don't think I said what you said, but I also have an alcoholic father, codependent mother, and they are possibly active - not sure, as it is impossible to get a straight answer out of them.

The main thing is to do something and do it now, PTSD doesn't go away on it's own, you can't wish it away, think it away,drink or drug it away, you have to look it square in it's ugly face and deal with it.

This is exactly what I am trying to do. It is very painful and time-consuming work. Thank you for the reinforcement; I do believe you are right, I just want it over with right now; instantly. That just ain't gonna happen, is it?!

I'm of the belief that if you put yourself out there, do the work the universe will open itself to the best path for you to go and you will find your way. I did!

That first step is a doosy !!!! And there are so many forks in the road !!! And there aren't any roadsigns !!! Oh, yeah, nobody's controlling my fate but me. It's the simple reminders like this that keep me coming back to this board.

BluesBrother - Unfortunately, my style of writing masks all the real pain. That is a defensive skill learned many years ago that has outlived its usefulness. I have only recently learned to analyze my own writings and extract for myself what I am repressing. It took many, many years for me to realize how "Green" I was emotionally and it took some fairly extreme situations for it to come to my awareness. I rage inside when I realize my JW mentality kicked in 20 some years after the fact and literally took control of my being for a ridicously long time, and hurt many individuals in the process.

ugly

95

Explain your Avatar

by simplesally in

jw
friends

obviously, mine is a picture of me.....it was taken at a hockey game at staples center: go kings!

.

odrade has a very pretty picture and i was wondering if that was her or a character from a movie?

one_ugly_time

I like driving... but for some reason, in life, I constantly run into barriers, go over cliffs, crash & burn, and so on.

And I don't pay attention to the signs that would point most people in the right direction .

93

Thinking of becoming a JW - Need urgent honest advice!!!

by natalienu in

jw
friends

i have met a wonderful man but unfortunately he is a jw.

i have never been interested or really ever been around any religion in my life so all of this right now is very fascinating to me.

i have been thinking of studying to become one but am also having a hard time finding anything on the net that is positive about it.

one_ugly_time

natalienu --

Pick Me. Pick Me. Seriously, I'm not too, too bad. Just read my history here.

In addition to what I've posted here, I am kind, considerate, gentle, compassionate, romantic, and have learned to express myself in poetry and journaling instead of yelling and screaming. I don't argue with my teenage children. I am interested in computers, poetry, photography, seashore walks, and music. I work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and spend lots of time with my children. I would love to go skiing again, antiquing, and counrty drives, but all of these activities are more enjoyable with a compatible member of the opposite sex.

Take my advice. Pick Me. You can pretend to be an exJW and save years of heartache, counseling, and soul-searching.

You have a difficult decision to make, but you are very wise to try to understand someones background before investing your life. I would recommend a 6 week break from the relationship while you do your investigating and letting your emotions stablize. Find out a few pertaintent FACTS such as :: How long has he been in? His family? What do the relationships with other members of his family feel like? Does he have a disposition for depression (the 6 week break will tell you this)? What about all the in-laws? Can you talk to close and distant relatives to find out the patterns of abuse that run in the family? What is the educational status (not the dream, or the ideal, but reality) of this individual and do you feel comfortable plateu'ing your life goals at the current level. What growth has this individual invested in during the past 5 years? This list goes on and on.

I am certain, if you are contemplating marriage, that you have thought of most if not all of these questions. Please take your time. If you decide to move forward with this relationship, I have no doubt that your experience will be --

one_(very)_ugly_time

245

Are most people just plain stupid?

by logansrun in

what an audacious question!

" wow, bradley -- how could you stoop to such levels?

do you consider most people as simple sleepwalkers through life not paying much attention to reason, logic, science, history and a desire to understand?

one_ugly_time

Is jumping out of a perfectly good airplane stupid ?

That depends. Do they have a parachute on ? If not, not only is the belief stupid, the person is stupid (or mentally unstable)

If they do have a parachute on, have they had lessons ? Do they know the landing sight ? Is the pilot trust worthy, not to bank at just the wrong moment? I could go on and on.

A belief, backed by an individual awareness, without cognitive dissonance, is NOT STUPID. Any neither is the individual that holds the belief.

If I were jumping from that plane, and felt an unusual sensation that could represent a wind gust, a bank, or just a gut feeling that something was wrong, and I still went ahead and jumped... I made a STUPID MISTAKE... my belief was still not stupid, and neither was I. Hopefully, I live, learn, and progress to prevent more STUPID MISTAKES. And teach everyone I know, what I know, so that if they are ever in the same situation that THEIR awareness will alert them and they can prevent a STUPID MISTAKE.

Most people walk blindly through life, making stupid mistake after stupid mistake, going from one belief to another as they grow and learn. Damn, if I wasn't just plain stupid about a few things, I would be GOD. Oh, sorry if I offended your non-belief.

ugly

one_ugly_time

Posts by one_ugly_time