I'd like the answer to the "boy meets worldly girl" question as well. I was going to reply to the previous post but realized when I got to the end of my rant that other topics worth considering are mentioned in my message:
As a "worldly girl" (well, I'm 29) I've spent the last few days reading all I can about "the society" and trying to figure out what the hell has gone on in my life for the past few months. I can't spend my weekends lying in bed and crying anymore. The circumstance is as the subject of this post reads. He was "lost and adrift" as he calls it, we met, I fell - (he says he did, too - though, I am beginning to wonder if that's what really happened....) and now he has withdrawn from me...completely.
This is made easier for him, I think, because A. I have been sensitive to his need to be true to his beliefs...because I knew about them from the beginning. We've talked since he told me it had to be over - but I've shielded him, for the most part, from the intensity of my pain. I told him once that it's a lot like winning the lottery then losing your ticket, meeting him. But I have never cried about it in front of him. I don't want to do that. And B: His family, his friends, and even his employer share his beliefs. And his beliefs, well we've talked a lot about those. My thinking before I got out of bed and started reading materials other than what he gave me - was that everything about him that I love is directly related to what he believes, and how he chooses to demonstrate that in his relationships. I have never felt as much in love with someone (for the right reasons) as I am with him. So when he told me we couldn't talk anymore, see each other anymore...it was pretty much like life punched a hole right through my chest. You begin to hate life when that happens...when that hollow feeling persists. It isn't helped by my nature - which is to withdraw from my social contacts when I am in pain - so as to minimize the effects on the world around me. I like to nurture - I like to be a source of positive energy in the world. I can't be that when I feel damaged..so I go away until I don't feel damaged anymore.
I've been told what I need to do to be made "suitable" and now the ball is in my court. I am supposed to call his best friend and "talk" about things...get answers to questions.
Having come from a home where religion was never really considered - but the belief of a creator was implied. I do believe in God, but my outward demonstration of that is minimal. My upbringing cultivated in me a more personal, inner relationship with God. I know practically nothing of the rules and standards expressed in the Bible - I only know in my heart what is right...and what is wrong, and that I should always try to do what is right. I am not against learning more about the Bible and what it teaches. I am not against living a "clean" lifestyle and being true to my creator. I am not against learning to love God above others - even this man I have been involved with.
I think I may have trouble with a distinguished roundtable of men somewhere in New York, whose ideas are supposed to govern the lives of people and their children...whose ideas, though inspired by God, tend to change depending on the legal climate of the day. Not only that, but when it has been determined that "the literature" may not have been right on the mark - insofar as what I have read - responsibility for that is not accepted by those who put it into print - but rather never acknowledged to have been wrong, and instead placed upon individual JW's to decide whether what they're doing is something that might prevent them gaining acceptance from God. I don't think I can trust in a group that claims to lead - but then casts responsibility and the vague possibility of consequences onto those who look to them for guidance. I think JW's are good people...no, amazing people. But I think they are amazing with or without the constant threat of having love from family, friends, and God withdrawn from them because of infractions against a small group of men. I sound as though I?ve already made my decision. But, in truth I?m still wavering. Love?and the exchange of it, has always been paramount in my life. That is how I see God. His presence is expressed to me through our ability to love others. I?ve been told lately that there is a lot more to it than that and I don?t know what to believe. I can look on everything from positive accounts of the JW lifestyle to the endless sea of horror stories with an objective eye. I?m good at weighing things in terms of logic. I am not good at turning my back on someone who claims to feel the same intensity of love for me as I do for him?because if that?s true?I?ll do anything to keep that. I?d like to know if it?s all as bad as I?m reading. I?d also like to hear from other women who?ve been here. I?d like to know what questions to ask if I do call his friend.
Thank you.
