when a child is molested, they suffer in many ways through their years as we all know.
my question is......what tells them it is not right?
how do they know that they have been abused?
A child who is assaulted by an adult is never at fault.
And the assault doesn't have to mean physical pain. And it doesn't matter if the *shame* was taught, learned or predisposed. The fact that a child was forced to feel discomfited by an adult's selfish greed is enough.....
when a child is molested, they suffer in many ways through their years as we all know.
my question is......what tells them it is not right?
how do they know that they have been abused?
It's true that no child wants this touch. But all children want to feel loved by their parent(s). And in some instances, molestation is the replacement act for acts of parental love. And sometimes children feel that this participation is the only act that will earn this parental love. And as you get older, (say 10-12 instead of 5-7), precocious acts may develop on the part of the child in order to maintain that *loving* relationship. Especially if physical pain isn't involved.
It is all very stomach-turning and mind-bending. And very easily differentiated from feelings associated with other childhood misdeeds, such as small acts of lying, petty theft (stealing candy if you like) or others.
(BTex), my nausea from this thread topic pales in comparison to my gut-wrenching reaction to your story. I wasn't aware of your background. My heart aches for you, LadyLee, even myself ... as examples of the walking wounded, victim to heinous acts on the part of our (supposed) protectors. heartfelt love to you all.
i just got back from going to the nasher sculpture museum in downtown dallas.
they are having a showing of a rare collection of picasso paintings and sculptures that everyone is talking about.. i'm starting to wonder... maybe i'm not as cultured as a thought.
nearly every time i looked at one of his works i found myself thinking: "what the hell was mug smoke'in when he did that?
Farkel:
1. I agree that Picasso (and some of his offspring) was (and are) master businesspersons (since his daughter carries the torch, in part).
2. I puke at your barfing. Your taste is all in your mouth (and it probably is pretty crappy with all that barfing going on).
3. Edited to add: # 2 was (slightly) in jest. Farkel is so out there with his condemnations, I couldn't resist!
when a child is molested, they suffer in many ways through their years as we all know.
my question is......what tells them it is not right?
how do they know that they have been abused?
I do believe that the shame is exacerbated by societal norms. The worst norm of all, however, is that of secrecy. Abuse survivors grouw up with the sense that they are different from everyone else, that they have this dark, deep secret that they cannot talk about.I can understand that even discussing this subject rationally would be painful for many survivors. I would be very careful of discussing this subject with Meia, for example, as much as I would like her input on it. But there are some survivors, such as Lee, who are obviously at a point in their healing where they are able to discuss such matters; and I think that it is important that they be allowed to do so, so that the rest of us can understand.
Euphemism:
Are you a victim of sexual molestation? If not, then please do not categorize those uf us who are ... rational, irrational ... or whatever other term you'll use to characterize us.
LadyLee:
Gumby's question started as based on something he saw on TV. But he then took it to another level when posing question comparing sexual molestation guilt or trauma to that of a child who stole a bicycle. And apparently from that 2nd question he has already come to a decision regarding the fact that the only reason we feel shame is because we Learned it, just as we Learned stealing is wrong. Jesus H. Christ!
(most-pedophiles being the exception) Humans are born with an innate sense of conscience and right vs. wrong....when personal boundaries are crossed we don't need anyone to tell us.
If I accepted some of the reasoning presented on this thread, I'd believe that if only we started sexual interaction early enough (say infancy?) then all this bothersome abuse stuff could be avoided.
i have a siemens c56.
its a small little bastard.
i like to call it my little semen =d
just like you ... a work-provided tool. But I also have a Sprint (not many people like them either)
the Sprint is ma PRIVATE LINE ... if ya dig my drift
i have a siemens c56.
its a small little bastard.
i like to call it my little semen =d
Nextel / Blackberry 6510
Phone, Wireless i/n & email PDA combo
when a child is molested, they suffer in many ways through their years as we all know.
my question is......what tells them it is not right?
how do they know that they have been abused?
I presumed that wasn't Gumby's intent, but I wanted him and others to know the impact of this thread (on one victim anyway).
And don't feel sorry for me, Talesin, I live a good life and believe I have stopped the cycle of abuse in my family with me. Doesn't remove the past and the pain however.
edited to add: But also, (((Talesin))) for the kind words of support and encouragement. I do appreciate them
when a child is molested, they suffer in many ways through their years as we all know.
my question is......what tells them it is not right?
how do they know that they have been abused?
Gumby, *sigh*
I have enjoyed reading your posts and your humour since I've been here. Thus the sigh as I tell you that this thread and your line of questioning has really bothered me. In fact, bothered doesn't begin to describe the emotion you have nicked in me. Well, not you, but your post. And some of the responses. Let me describe my reaction as a cross between tearful and nauseous.
As a victim of abuse from the age of 6 or 7, I have a personal response to your question. But first I have to say that to me, it is offensive to even postulate on the topic. It diminishes the pain of my experience, as if somehow it is society's fault for stifled upbringing or prudish mores. That the abuse wouldn't have been abuse if the victim hadn't been taught such? Sounds like some of NAMBLA's reasoning.
Bullshit.
Now, my personal response. No one taught me my private parts were dirty. At that age (and time, early to mid 60s) no one had yet had the birds and bees speech with me either. But until then, no one had come into my room in the middle of the night and grappled around under the covers either. And scurried out the moment I woke up. Or leaned down peering 1st to see if I was awake. Because the activity was conducted in such secrecy, it evoked a secret response. I assumed since it happened like this, it was to be covered up, that the perpetrator didn't want to be discovered. At 1st I would pretend to be asleep, I was afraid of what the reaction and consequences would be if I woke up and the perpetrator was confronted. Over time, when I couldn't feign sleep, I was then told to shhh, just checking to see if you're okay. And from then on lived in fear of every night.
How this experience plays into your questions, Gumby, and the pondering here, I don't know.
I can't figure out WHY the trauma is SO GREAT from a child who has been molested......compared to a kid who was involved in stealing. In both cases the act is taught as WRONG......yet the trauma from a child molested........is 20 times greater than the trauma from a kid who had been caught stealing. Why is there such a great difference?
And I am dumbfounded by your question regarding why the impact from stealing is any different than sexual abuse. Utterly speechless that anyone would have to ask. Especially here, with all of the information presented on this topic.
Beyond that, I do have to tell you that for someone with my experience, this is a hurtful thread. I do know that that probably wasn't the intent. But it is the result just the same.
There are many people on this site with the same, if not worse, experiences than me. Please realize that this is more than just an 'intellectual exercise'.
i just got back from going to the nasher sculpture museum in downtown dallas.
they are having a showing of a rare collection of picasso paintings and sculptures that everyone is talking about.. i'm starting to wonder... maybe i'm not as cultured as a thought.
nearly every time i looked at one of his works i found myself thinking: "what the hell was mug smoke'in when he did that?
I feel ya Phantom....
.
well i finally got some of the reception pictures from my daughter's wedding scanned and up on my website..
Nice Pictures, LL... They look very happy! best to all! 
